


Loving your enemy

by BearlyMadeIt



Series: The Price For Love [1]
Category: Limitless (TV)
Genre: Developing Relationship, Gay, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Multiple Personalities, Romance, Secret Relationship, Secrets, Slow Build, What Have I Done, Wordcount: Over 1.000, Wordcount: Over 10.000, Wordcount: Over 20.000, Wordcount: Over 30.000, Wordcount: Over 50.000
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-29
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2018-12-21 11:52:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 63,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11943597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BearlyMadeIt/pseuds/BearlyMadeIt
Summary: Brian knew he shouldn't date Morra. That man had threatened him, made him commit treason, lie to family and friends alike. He knew he was dangerous. Yet, he was the only one who truly understood him.In the end, Brian has to decide what he really wants. His current life or love.Note: Watched Avengers IW - my head spams me with ideas for Avengers. Started a story over in that fandom. Gonna update here as soon as I can.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There we go. Ever since I saw the series I HAD to write a story about those two.  
> In the beginning, I will stick to the story line, setting up everything I need. Then, we will go from there.  
> Somewhen later, you will get to know how those two started dating. As of now, it simply doesn't matter.
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading that chapter, more coming soon.

Brian looked around carefully while walking down the alley. Did Mike or Ike follow him? Or Becca? Anyone from the FBI? Well, they should not have any reason to monitor him. He had been a good boy lately. Not that mean to his two bodyguards. Not too annoying to Becca and Boyle on NZT. Not too… much things. But maybe that had been suspicious. Too obvious, that he hid something. He closed his eyes for a second while he walked down that alley. He could hear the low wind. Feel the falling temperature. Hear the chatter of people a few blocks away. The smell of alcohol on the ground. The buzzing of insects in the nightly air.

Opening his eyes, his brain went to work, thinking of all those possibilities, that night could go wrong. The first and most obvious: His love wasn’t at their meeting point. Hadn’t made it. The second: His love was there and started to laugh when he showed up ‘Sorry, goddamn, that all was just a joke!’ No no… that wouldn’t happen. Maybe someone did follow him. Would see them both. For the hundredth time, he stopped, turned around ever so slightly, and stared into the night surrounding him. No. No one had followed him. He would know if someone did. Fooling an NZT accelerated brain wasn’t easy. And yet he was going mad. No one was allowed to know about them. He meeting Edward Morra... would raise questions. Questions better never asked.  
He sighed lowly, massaged his temples and started moving again. His second self stood there for a second.

“Relax Brian, everything will work out.” Yeah, that he had easy talking. He would not live with the consequences if it didn’t. Or he would because he was he. Or… damn it! Relax Brian.

After another five minutes of sheer overthinking everything, he arrived where he wanted to be. An old street lamp illuminated the scene in front of him. Insects buzzing overhead. He was deep in the Central Park. At one of those corners that were avoided after sunset. For good reason. And there, on a bench, he was. His love. Gaze fixated on his tablet. Silently tapping on it, doing what-not and more.

A few seconds passed until Edward Morra rose his gaze. A tiny smile on his lips. He wore his usual black coat to shield himself from the cold night. His face was barely lit by the old street lamp, weird shadows dancing on it. A moment later he stood, walking to Brian and pulling the younger one closer, uniting their lips in a soft kiss. Brian could feel the coldness of the night on his lover’s lips. The warmth of his breath on his face. He could smell the sweat of a hard day, the Eau de Cologne underneath. He could feel the heartbeat of the body being pressed against him. For a moment he imaged the blood, which was pumped through that very same body. He could feel his own heart switching to overdrive. And a sudden emptiness in his head. Then their lips parted. A tiny flush appearing on his cheeks, while Ed just smiled.

“You are late.” Edward stated, turning off his tablet and grabbing Brian’s hand. Then he pulled the younger one along.

“Where are we going?” Brian asked even though he knew, following calmly.

“I thought a hotel room. One of those without video surveillance or ID checks.” Of course. Their relationship was quite very hidden. Why else meet in Central Park at night? Well, for a walk, but…

“I thought…” Brian hesitated. Very rare when you are on NZT.

Edward realized that and came to a stop, turning around and facing his lover. “You thought?”

Brian remained silent for a moment. Why had he said something? Hotel room was fine. Hotel room was safe. And hotel room was so… “We could go to my place?” impersonal. He wanted to change that.

Ed looked at him for a few seconds. Eternity in NZT time. “Are you sure? We could be watched.”

Brian’s heart went a pace up. “I checked my apartment. And double checked it. No surveillance. No surveillance in the corridor leading to my apartment either. Mike or Ike don’t show up until six.” if there was no important emergency meeting. “So we have…”

“Five hours and a bit.” Ed smiled while talking. His eyes remained on Brian for a moment, then he pulled his love along again, his eyes on the path in front of them. He would see Brian’s apartment. Were they taking that relationship thingy to the next level? Apparently…

 

* * *

 

30 minutes and a car drive later they were at Brian’s place. A moment later they were in Brian’s place. Brian waited calmly until Ed had taken his shoes and coat off, then got rid of his ‘too much’ streetwear and followed Edward into his little FBI sponsored safe house, erm, apartment. He watched Ed, knowing that he checked for surveillance himself. He would probably do the same if he was in his place. After a few moments and a few steps into his living room, he remembered…

“Can I get you something? A drink?” manners. Good manners.

“I’ll take a water.” And with that Brian was gone, off into his kitchen to fetch a bottle. When he returned Ed was sitting on his couch, looking casually around. “You have seen the entire place with one gaze, why look around?” Brian asked, handing his love his drink while sitting down. Ed laughed softly. “Politeness?” was his evasive answer while he took a sip from his drink. In front of them was a low couch desk. In front of that the TV. Shelves surrounding it. A music collection on a desk in a corner. Some ‘paintings’ from IKEA on the wall. A plastic Bonzai. More plastic plants. One real orchid. To their right a door, most likely leading to a bedroom. To their left an open kitchen. Brian was right, he had seen everything already. After another sip of his drink, the bottle ended on the desk in front of them. Then he turned slightly, facing Brian.

That very same Brian already went mad once again. WHY had he taken Ed to his apartment? Mike or Ike could storm in at any second! Or Becca. Or ANYONE! Or… his trail of thoughts was abruptly interrupted when he felt Ed’s lips on his own. So soft. Warmer this time. Then he was pulled into two strong arms, pulled against a muscular chest. He could feel the warmth radiating from Edward’s body. Then there was the low voice of his lover.

“You spaced out. Thought I should bring you back.” A low chuckle. Warm breath stroking his ear. 

“Dumbhead.” Brian murmured, before rising a bit. Only slightly, to be able to kiss Ed. His love. The kiss started like the last one. Gentle and soft, but turned more passionate by the second, until their tongues were playing with each other. Brian could feel, how Ed pulled him closer. He could feel those strong arms wrapping around his body. Hands running along his back, through his hair. And those lips. Oh, how much he loved those lips. Their kisses were always… kind of special. Gentle and steamy at the same time.

After a lot of kissing and catching breath and more kissing his face rested on Ed’s chest. His cheek pressed against the soft dark-blue fabric of his pullover. He wished for that piece of cloth to be gone. He wanted to feel skin. Warm and soft(?) skin. But not today. Or today? Inviting someone to his place… oh shit! His eyes widened when he remembered the oldest rule of “Do you want to come to my place”. Sex! He… he didn’t want to sleep with Ed! Not now! It was too early for that! Far too early! Then he heard a soft chuckle from the man below him.

“What the heck are you thinking about? Your pulse just jumped up to 140.”

“I.. erm… eh…” Brian stuttered. “I… erm…” “We….” “My place…” “You..” he could see, how his love rose an eyebrow. Then he started to laugh. Really loud. If he wouldn’t laugh at him, Brian would like that sound. Ed laughed far too less. But like that, the younger one grumbled and rose to a sitting position, attempting to hide his face. God, that was embarrassing! After thirty seconds or so Edward stopped laughing. Only chuckling once every while. Then he could feel fingers under his chin, gripping his face, turning it. Forcing him to face the senator.

“We won’t have sex, don’t you worry. I am excited enough to be invited.” And for the first time in a while, Brian could see the slightest blush on Ed’s face.

“You know, I can see that you take that relationship thing serious. By inviting me here. Of course, it could just be a trap, to lure me into weird photographs, destroy my rep, end my campaign” oh, hello NZT “but I don’t think you are that type of guy.” Edward finished his sentence.

Brian could see his slightly red face. How blood had brought that color. Ed was excited to be here. He was happy. He was… this time it was Brian, who leaned forward and crushed their lips against each other. A long and hot kiss followed. By its end, Brian’s hair was a total mess.

“I am happy, that you came along.” He whispered, then snuggling close to Edward once again. His pulse was around 120. A smug smile appeared on Brian’s face.

“Your heart is beating so fast, what’s wrong?” those words only earned a laugh and a moment later he felt those strong arms again. Surrounding him. Protecting him. And to the sound of Ed’s heartbeat, he fell asleep.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter as promised. I have a few of those ready for upload, so I'll update every single day for the next eight days. I hope you enjoy reading. This story actually means a lot to me.

Three hours later Edward Morra opened his eyes. 4:30 a.m. A little bit of time left before he had to leave. His gaze, first staring blankly into nothingness, found Brian. Watched him. Watched the slight movement his body made while breathing. He rose his hand and stroked gently along Brian’s cheek. Along the side of his face. The back of his head. Finally resting on his back.

“My love…” he spoke out into the silent night, knowing that no one could hear him.

Thinking those words was one thing, speaking them aloud a totally different. One day he would say that to Brian. While those thoughts passed through his mind a smile appeared on his face. Within his eyes. He could feel, how his heart beat a bit faster, how his face got warmer. Damn it, he was in love. He remained silent for a few more minutes, savoring the moment. To be able to hold Brian, hear his breath, feel every tiny movement. Then he got up carefully, to not wake his little sleeping beauty. He chuckled silently. Sleeping Beauty.

Finally standing, he stretched himself, groaning lowly. Do. Not. Sleep. On. A. Coach. Dammit. Shouldn’t be that hard to remember, should it be? Oh well… A moment later he stood in front of Brian’s coffee machine. None he would ever use or drink coffee from, but well... Not like he had much of a choice. Bad coffee or no coffee. Brian most likely did not know how good coffee tasted, so why care at all? He frowned while he thought that. He had to care. He had to take care of his love knowing good coffee. After the machine started to do its wonders he left the living room, taking his coat and reached into the hidden pocket within. From that one, he pulled a little bag filled with transparent pills. His personal stash of NZT, always at hand if need be. Swallowing one pill he hid the bag once again, re-entering the room he had just left.

His gaze remained on Brian, watching him. He had turned around, his hand resting on the place where Ed’s chest had been. Apparently, he was searching for him. A few moments passed, then the coffee was ready. Filling the hot and steamy substance into a cup, which he had found in one of the cupboards, he went back to Brian. He stood there for a few moments, thinking about different ways to wake him up. He could gently stroke him. Shake him. Sit down beside him and poke him awake. Or… placing the coffee-cup on the table beside him, he placed his knee on the couch, his hand resting on the back of it. Hovering over his love, he bent down, kissing him gently. The first few kisses went by unnoticed until he could feel Brian kissing him back. They parted for a moment, looking into each other’s eyes. Brian’s were dim and filled with sleep.

Brian woke up after a few kisses. His mind had taken the first two and inserted them into a very lively dream. Blinking he enjoyed the current kiss, opening his eyes after it had ended. Looking up into bright blue eyes. Ed’s eyes. Sparkling like… stars? What the heck was his mind doing? Thinking about eyes and stars obviously. Could stars sparkle? He blinked the thought away, reaching up and pulling the man hovering over him against his chest, hugging him. Then he groaned lowly when his headaches caught up with him. Ed, whose head had rested on Brian’s chest, rose and looked at him.

“Hangover?” Brian nodded. Yes. NZT hangover. He should be used to it by now, but it was still annoying. Headaches and a hazy mind. Always so slow right after waking up. After a coffee and the drive to the office… he hesitated. Coffee. Sniffed the air.

“You made coffee for me?” He stared into Ed’s amused face, not waiting for an answer. Instead, he turned his head, looking at the couch table. There stood an innocent cup filled with a steaming substance. Definitely coffee. Had to be, by its scent.

Reluctantly he let go of his love, sitting up and reaching for the cup. Inhaling its scent for a moment. Coffee. The second-best thing this morning. Swallowing a mouthful, he sighed content, earning a low chuckle from the man beside him. He threw a quick glance at that man, taking another sip of coffee and leaning in for a soft morning kiss. Which ended not at all soft. When their lips parted, he had pressed himself against Edward, passionately kissing him, one arm around his back, holding the older one in place. He blinked. Saw a smiling Ed.

“Wow…” a grin slowly appeared on Edward’s face. “When I get kissed like that for coffee, you know what you are going to drink quite often.” Brian chuckled lowly, resting his face on Ed’s shoulder and finally daring to look for his drink. He had thought, he had spilled his cup over his couch. Table. Rest of the apartment. But he only saw Edwards hand, which had kept his own and the cup within firmly in place. Upright. With no bit of coffee spilled.  
He stared at the scene for a few seconds. He had truly blacked out while kissing Edward. And Ed had taken care of the forgotten things, avoiding a mess. With that thought in mind, he looked at the older one. Smiling gently and stealing a kiss once again. This time it was just a fast peck on the lips, after which he focused on his drink, swallowing slowly.

After his coffee had been obliterated, he sighed content. A perfect morning. Coffee. Ed. Looking up at the later one he frowned at the frown he saw. “What’s up?”

Ed tilted his head. “You do think this was good coffee?”

“Yes?”

The senator shook his head. “Poor you. I will get you really good coffee.” But where meet for said good coffee? They shouldn’t be seen together after all.  
While Edward’s mind thought about the obtainment of good coffee, Brian smiled absently. Edward was seriously concerned about the quality of his coffee. Well, that created two possibilities. The first: the senator had weird priorities and should adjust those. Fast. The second: he cared about the tiniest details and always wanted the best for him. Not hard which one to choose. A moment later he interrupted Edward’s coffee related plans by kissing him gently. After their lips parted he snuggled close, resting his head on Edwards' shoulder once again. A few minutes passed in silence. In the meantime, Ed had pulled Brian a bit closer, hugging him. Stroking him gently.

“When will we meet again?” Brian faced his love, waiting silently for an answer.

“On weekend, I guess.” Ed answered, smiling apologetically.

Brian grumbled lowly. “You busy man.”

The busy man gave a chuckle in response. “Politics and a presidential campaign don’t run themselves.”

For a moment Brian seemed to be sad. Three days until he saw his love again. “Do we want to meet here?” a moment of silence passed between the two of them.

“Why not.”

Brian turned his face, looking into Edwards' eyes and stated: “I assume you don’t need a key, you can pick the lock.” The senator laughed lowly.

“As you say. Don’t turn on the alarm system.”

“Oww, not up for a challenge?”

“Who said that?”

“You.”

“Tze. Challenge accepted. Turn it on.”

“Alright!” while they were fighting over the alarm system, they had come closer to each other, once again joining their lips in a kiss. This time it was passionate. Demanding in a way, they had avoided before. After they had parted they looked at each other for a time. Simply relishing the silence. Brian could feel Ed’s breath on his face. Caressing his cheeks. While he thought about a second kiss like that, he felt Ed’s arms surround him. Pull him against his chest. The older one rested his chin on Brian’s head, raising his hand and massaging Brian’s temples. Soft and gently. Brian closed his eyes instantly and sighed lowly. God. That was good.  
Edward had closed his eyes when he started to massage Brian’s temples. He could feel Brian’s body relaxing. How he leaned completely into him, which resulted in a loving smile on Ed’s lips. He loved him. He knew that. Knew it as clear as everything else. He hoped everything would work out. Some minutes passed until Edward finally opened his eyes. “Better?” he asked in a soft voice.

Brian nodded against his chest, grabbing the hand which had just massaged his head and kissed it. Much better. His headaches were gone. “Good.” Ed said silently, lifting Brian’s chin and kissing him gently. “I gotta go.” Brian pouted. “Already?” Ed chuckled softly. “Unless you want your bodyguards to find us like that, yes, I should go.” Brian was silent for a moment. “Are you seriously thinking about letting that happen?” Ed asked amused when Brian gave no answer. “Maybe?” Shaking his head, he kissed Brian once again, this time more passionate. “Nah. Not today.” Getting up he watched Brian, who grumbled lowly but got up nonetheless. Five minutes later Edward Morra was gone and Brian remained in his apartment, with the feeling of their lips being pressed against each other.

Two hours later Brian sat in New York’s FBI building at his usual desk, surrounded by the usual files. And a few hundred new ones. Looking down at the paperwork he grinned amusedly. “What is it about?” “Money laundering.” Was Ike’s short answer. Money… that would be interesting. Follow the leads. See, how good (or not good) the involved people had hidden their tracks. Nothing he couldn’t cope with, of course. A moment later Ike gave him his transparent pill of the day. NZT.  
Swallowing the tasteless little wonder he leaned back, waiting for its effect to kick in. He closed his eyes for a moment. Waiting… and only a few heartbeats later, he saw the world in a totally different angle. For a brief second, he relished in his memories of last night. This morning. How Ed had woken him up. Those sparkling blue eyes. Of course, stars did not sparkle. It was a constant ray of light, being broken, changed and turned by the earth’s atmosphere. And then his mind hesitated. That first kiss of them. He remembered its taste. It had been sweet. A sweetness he had never tasted before in his life. NZT was tasteless. What did his love take?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on episode 12 of the TV series. I will not write out the entire episode because I think that would be boring as hell. Just jumping from scene to scene. As always: enjoy reading :)

Edward stepped onto the little stage, all cheery. He was going to give a speech about a new veterans program. He shook some hands, turned to the crowd and started talking. Always smiling. During his first few sentences, he noticed a light reflection at one of the hotel towers in front of him. Someone with binoculars? He continued his speech without showing a sign of his thoughts. There, again, that light reflection. Someone was taking a shot at him. How far away was that? 3300 yards, according to his calculations. That would be the longest kill of all time. To be able to hit a target from that distance, you needed to be brilliant. Or use NZT. Piper. That crazy scientist.

The moment Piper’s bullet grazed his arm, Eddie was kind of amused. To try to kill him from that distance. She had to be desperate. She had to run out of the stolen NZT. Or the enzyme. Or both. Of course, she would never be linked to that failed assassination. He would find someone to claim that shot. Voluntarily go to prison for something never done. Most likely he would pay a lot of money. Maybe save someone from the brink of death. Pay some bills. The opportunity would arise, he knew that. It was a question of when, not if. In the meantime, he would send Brian after his little failed killer. Get to know what she knew, but more importantly, test Brian’s loyalty. In one way or another, he would get rid of her.

Brian was something between elated and terrified when he learned about the failed assassination of senator Morra. It was all around the news. How could it not be, after all? He hoped his love was alright. The News said the bullet just grazed him, but… thankfully he was not yet on NZT. His mind would bring down madness and havoc upon him. Thinking about all the possibilities that assassination could have worked. Yet again, Eddie was using NZT for four years now. There was no possibility on earth he would not have realized someone was taking a shot at him. He would be alright. Definitely.

After taking his NZT and a terribly boring briefing with Edward Morra’s security consultant / watchdog Sands, he went for the elevator. Only to realize, he would be in there with Sands. Yay. For a second he thought about taking the emergency stairs down, but he guessed there was no way around a talk with that man. How much he despised him.

An elevator ride later he knew a few interesting things. Looking after Sands calmly, he processed what he had learned. Piper Baird had most likely tried to kill the senator. And she would link him to NZT, which couldn’t happen. Ever. And he knew that Ed hadn’t told Sands about their… well, what did they have? A thing in one or another way. Yet, why should he? Personal affairs where personal affairs. Sands didn’t need to know about Ed’s love life. Wait. Did he just call his thing with the senator a love life?

After several hours of research, he found Piper’s hiding place in an abandoned building. He saw the sniper rifle she had most likely used for her shot on Edward. He saw a dozen wigs in different colors, clothes and a ton of technical equipment, PC’s, monitors, but where was Piper? While he approached the central monitor, a question appeared: “Are you sure you’re on the right side, Brian?” In the same moment images of his parents and his childhood home appeared on the other monitors. He looked around, terrified. No. No. No. She couldn’t. She couldn’t… Meanwhile, the question disappeared from the monitor. Instead, a short sentence appeared. A threat. “Just one step away now!” How could she dare to pull his family into this! He turned around, running. He HAD to reach his family before something happened. Something bad. Who knew which people she was willing to sacrifice to get to senator Morra. To him, she seemed ruthless and desperate. Most likely she would use his parents to get him to get her to Ed. Damn it!

10 minutes later he literally stormed into his parent’s house. He heard laughter. Coming to a sudden stop in the living room, he looked around. Piper sat on the couch beside his mother, laughing cheerfully. “Hey, guys, everything alright?” his gaze switched between his parents and Piper, who had apparently shared a lively discussion. What the…?

“Oh, of course!” his mother said with the brightest smile. “We are just getting to know your new girlfriend.” Girl… what please? He stared at her for a few seconds, still catching his breath.

Piper looked up at him, all innocent. “What’s up, Brian?”

“Nothing… I, ugh… just… I am surprised to see you. Here. With my family.” Putting special emphasis on the most important words. Piper just looked at him. Smiling gently. She had to be a psychopath.

His mother joined the discussion again: “How could you not tell us you had a girlfriend?!”

Brian looked at his mother, not able to say something.

Piper chirped in “Oh, he had that awesome plan to introduce us. I just didn’t want to wait anymore. I am so sorry, sweetie!” once again, he was simply speechless. How… could… she… dare…

“Well, our Brian likes to do things in his own way. On his own time.” His father came to his – or her – rescue. He couldn’t tell right now.

“Well, that’s okay, I think I got him pretty well figured out.” Piper said, directly looking at him, once again all cheery.

“Piper was just telling us about your first date.” His mother said, all excited. It had been years since Brian had had a girl.

“Oh, yeah?” Brian answered, not at all happy. Then a beeping sound arose. His mother stood up. “Oh, I assume you are staying for dinner.” Leaving for the kitchen.

Brian stared at Piper. “Piper? A word on the porch, please?” he could see, how his father was looking between the two of them, obviously worried. Piper stood up, still smiling. “We’ll be right back.” With that Brian turned around, waiting for Piper to get out.

On the porch, he closed the door. Meanwhile, she started to talk about some tension between him and his dad. Of course, there was some tension between them. He had lied to him to protect his family. Then he had told him about NZT. And his dad had been all up to get him out of the FBI. He didn’t want to, obviously.

“Listen to me. My family is not a part of this.” He said through gritted teeth, staring at her darkly.

And she… she just smiled and stated: “You can’t really believe that. Not after being around Morra for this long.” She grabbed his hand, feeling his pulse. “Relax, I just want to know if you’re telling the truth.” She looked into his eyes. “Did you tell anyone I am here? Does Sands know?” he stared at her. He could feel the beat of his heart. “No.” a moment passed, then she let go. What did she know about Ed? Why was she so desperate to kill him?

“I am not here to threaten you. I’m not gonna hurt your parents. I just don’t have much time. I had to learn everything I could about the person Morra is working with.”

If looks could kill, she would drop dead in an instant. He just stared at her. “Oh, yeah. What did you learn?”

“Classic middle child, which explains the need for approval.” She said, somehow flirty while looking up to him. How could she DARE to look at him like that?

“On the other hand, your fears of living up to your successful older siblings caused you to rebel and reject mainstream success. The most important thing I learned is that you grew up surrounded by love and support, which suggests a strong moral framework.”

He stared at her, seriously confused. “Why do you care if I have a strong moral framework? And how long have you been in there?”

“Seven minutes.” She stated calmly. “And I care because I know how Morra works. He has a way of corrupting good people. You’re one of them. Same way I was.”

Brian frowned. “So it’s his fault that you killed your boyfriend?” she was the prime suspect in that murder. She had killed him in his sleep and run away. And now she framed Ed?

“I didn’t kill my boyfriend. Morra did. Or his people.” Yes, she was obviously framing Ed. Yet… she sounded so utterly convincing. As if… she believed in her story.

“Why would they do that?”

She smiled sadly, turned around and walked a few steps. Then, once again, looking at him. Following she told him her story. How Morra had recruited her to help create the enzyme, which undid the side effects of NZT. How she had believed in him. And one day, she didn’t. She stole a year's supply of his NZT and the enzyme. And Morra killed her boyfriend as retribution. At this point, she had decided that he needed to be stopped. Killed. Whatever the cost.

Brian stared at her, coming to the same conclusion Ed had had the moment he was grazed. “You are running out. Of NZT, or the enzyme or both. That attempt. It seemed so desperate, but you had to shoot. Else you could have missed your one shot forever.” He remained silent for a moment. “Well, if you wanted me dead we wouldn’t talk. What do you want?”

She put on a sad expression. “He has you under his thumb, the same as he had me.” She came close to him. She seemed so determined. “He took everything from me that mattered. He will do the same thing to you, trust me. There is only one way out.” She paused, looking at him. “You will help me kill Eddie Morra. I am close to replicating the enzyme. NZT could do all the good you know it would. You don’t need him anymore.” Brian simply stared at her. Both fascinated and terrified. She seemed so serene and innocent and upright. There was this tiny chance she said the truth. About Morra killing her boyfriend, at least. But kill someone over some pills? Seemed a bit drastic to him. Brian didn’t think Ed would ever harm his parents. Not after what they had. Yet, he had been right. She wanted to use him to get to Ed. He would never-

While he stood there, grumbling and thinking, she went passed him, reaching for the door and opening it. “Wait. Where are you going?” and there it was again. That cheery smile. “We can’t just leave. Your mom made meat loaf.” And with that, she re-entered the house. He closed his eyes, breathing out slowly. Then following her. He would NOT let his parents stay alone with that woman.

After a sleepless night, he still couldn’t decide. Piper seemed so utterly convincing, but Ed…? Killing someone over stolen NZT? He guessed the big games called politics were full of murder, threats and such a like, but… he groaned, grabbing his phone, which had rested on a corner of his couch desk. He texted Sands. Still, his only reliable way to contact his love. He needed a number he could text or call. He always got texts or calls from him, but always from a hidden number.

An hour later a black SUV picked him up. He faced Ed, who was having a business call. After he had hung up he sighed softly, turning to face Brian. That one just stared at him, seriously torn. Well, just aim directly at the problem. “Did you kill Piper’s boyfriend?” Ed looked at him for a second, then sighed softly.

“She found you, I knew, she would. What does she want?” he paused a moment. “She want’s to use you to get to me?” Ed looked at him, calm and knowing.

“That’s not an answer.” Brian hissed softly. “Did you kill her boyfriend?” He had to know. No. He NEEDED to know. What kind of person was his love?

His love sighed once again. “I thought you might trust her. Piper Baird is brilliant, but she is tortured. And she is a good liar.”

Brian silently looked at the senator. That was no answer.

Ed looked at him for a few moments, then simply sighed. “I didn’t kill him. She did. People can do terrible things on an NZT blackout. The moment your conscious surrenders to the drug, you can do unspeakable things. I did kill a person during such a blackout. I mean, I don’t remember, but I can count one and one together. I remember going into a hotel room with that woman. The next day she is dead. C’mon. Not that hard.” He paused, looking at Brian. A soft sadness in his eyes. “After an NZT blackout, when you come back to be who you are, your mind tries to fill the blanks. My mind filled it with alcohol, which I remember in pieces, dancing and sex, but I know they are just fillers. I know I killed that woman. I accepted it. I can live with that.” He paused, looking calmly at Brian.

Brian simply stared at him. Both sorry and terrified. He didn’t know something like that could happen on an NZT blackout. And he wanted to hug his love. Take that sad expression from his face.

After a few moments, he continued talking. “Imagine you killed the person you loved most during a blackout. Could you accept that? The truth, that you killed him or her? Could you live with that? Or would your mind invent a story, you could better live with and put in into those blanks? A story you could happily accept as true because it freed you from all guilt.”

Brian tilted his head. “When she was working for you, she would have access to the enzyme. Why would she experience side-effects?”

Ed smiled apologetically. “She had asked if she could work on something in private. I assumed she wanted to finish writing her stupid dissertation. She always talked about it, how much she wanted to finish it. End that chapter of her life. Start a new one with her boyfriend after that. I didn’t know she was taking NZT until I heard what happened.” He paused. “The next thing I knew was she breaking into one of my facilities and steal a year's supply of NZT and the enzyme.” He paused again. “I assume she didn’t realize that she had side-effects at the beginning. ‘Just one more day, and I’ll ask for the enzyme.’ But the side-effects can come from one second to the other. Hit fast and hard and destroy everything that you hold dear.”

Brian was silent for a moment. His gaze went to the front part of the car. Sands. Driving. “I trust you.” Were his final words. If they wouldn’t be watched he would hug and kiss him. Edward simply nodded, never lifting his eyes from Brian.

“Will you help me to get rid of her?” that wasn’t a question, even though it was phrased like one. Brian could hear it in the tone underneath.

“How?” was his truly innocent answer. “I will not kill anyone. Not you” definitely not you! “nor her.”

Edward suddenly smiled softly. “I know. I know you for some time by now.” He was silent for a moment.

“Plan her assassination with her. Tell her you talked with me. Tell her, you wouldn’t kill her. But that you had to make me believe you did because I would harm your family or else. Make her trust you. Get a corpse, change that person's DNA to hers in the system, because my people will definitely check the DNA. We have to be sure, don’t we? ‘Kill her’ by throwing her in front of a train or something. Have enough time spare for her to dodge the train. Place the dead body at the very same spot. The corpse will get shredded to pieces by the impact. Get her out of the country. Somewhere far away. That way you don’t need to kill her. But she gets as far away from me as possible. Without the tiniest chance of killing me.” He chuckled softly.

Brian simply stared at Edward, his mouth slightly open. That plan was brilliant.


	4. Chapter 4

By fall of night, it was done. Brian sighed, staring into the bright night. Nights were always bright in New York City. All those lights floating around. He was standing on the roof of a skyscraper, waiting for Piper. She had told him to meet her here. He hoped she would come. Not betray him. They sat in the same boat now, did they? From her perspective at last.

“You made it.” Soft words from behind. He turned around, smiling softly. Piper. A moment passed between them.

“Thank you.” She stated. “You saved my life.”

He nodded shortly. “And now save mine. My parents’. Leave this country. Morra can never find you. Or…”  
She nodded sadly. Knowing. “He will kill your family. Your friends. And at the very end you.” What did she think of Eddie Morra? It had been his plan to get her away. All to save Brian from killing someone. Yet, she would never know that. He would never tell her. Ed had been right. She was brilliant but tortured. Dangerous in her own way.

They talked for some minutes. Then she left. She would take the next flight to Russia. Would be gone until night’s end. Far away. Never able to hurt his love. He remained on top of that roof for some more minutes. Thinking, using the bit of NZT that remained in his system for the day. Within an hour, it would be gone.  
There was this detail that bothered him. Piper claimed that she broke into one of Ed’s facilities and he killed her boyfriend as retribution. Ed said, that she had killed her boyfriend and broke into one of his facilities. Stole NZT and the enzyme to be able to kill him. Same events, different sequence. 

Next morning, after a not so well night, he entered the office yawning. He was too late. None of his bodyguards had picked him up. Weird, to begin with. Even weirder was a beaming Becca while writing reports. She looked up from her paperwork when Brian entered the office. “Worst day to be late. The senator thanked us personally.” Ah. Everyone had been here to get their share of a ‘well done, boy.’? He rolled his eyes, greeted the remaining staff and left for his bureau. It wasn’t a real bureau. Just a table and a chair crammed into an archive room. Every day he was surrounded by tons and tons of files.  
Entering his bureau, he instantly came to a stop. There he was. An amused senator sitting in his chair. Brian blinked. 

“Hey, Ed.”

Ed simply nodded. A moment passed, then he got up and walked towards Brian. Brian watched him coming closer, closing the door behind him.  
A moment later he felt Ed’s lips on his own, his arms embracing him, pulling him close. Returning the kiss Brian hugged his love, thoroughly enjoying their kiss. 

After they broke apart he heard Ed’s low voice: “Is it done?” such a simple question. Purley innocent and dangerous in itself, but Brian wasn’t interested in thinking about that. Not now anyway. There was something far more interesting.

“Yeah…” Brian answered, crushing his lips against Ed’s once more. While enjoying their kiss he felt his excitement rise. Someone could enter this room at any moment. Someone could find them. Like this. Passionately kissing and embracing each other.

Feeling Brian’s heartrate increase Ed smiled innocently into their kiss. After a few more of those, he broke their kiss.

“You like this, don’t you?” he whispered into Brian’s ear. He let his breath stroke along his lover’s neck for a few heartbeats, then kissed along it. Softly nibbling at Brian’s skin. As a reward, he earned the lowest of moans. For a moment, he remained like that. His lips caressing Brian’s skin, his hands stroking along his back. He could feel his own heart pounding. He could feel warmth rushing through his veins. He could smell his love’s scent, below his deodorant. He could feel Brian’s hands on his own back. For a single second, he allowed himself to relish that moment. So fragile and delicate. 

The sound of footsteps in the corridor outside brought him back to reality. He let go of Brian and brought a respectable distance between them. The tiniest hint of sadness in his eyes. Brian simply blinked confused, his mind not yet ready to process anything. 

“Well, thanks for the good work.” Ed said calmly, nodding at Brian and reached for the door, which was opened at the very same moment. He backed away a little, looking at Mike and Ike, who came to a stop when they saw him. 

“Oh, senator Morra!”

Senator Morra smiled softly. “I wanted to thank that consultant of yours. I was told he helps to solve cases?” 

Ike laughed. “Kind of.” 

After a moment of smalltalk he wished them goodbye and a good day. Following, Eddie finally left the archive room. Out on the corridor, he closed his eyes for a second, replaying this moment with Brian in his mind. He could still taste Brian’s salty skin on his lips. He could smell his scent on him. He blinked. The moment passed. Only a smile remained on his lips while he left the building.


	5. Chapter 5

Brian entered his parent’s house, already feeling uncomfortable. Today was Saturday, his first day off. Later he would, hopefully, see Ed, but first he met with his parents for lunch. When he had planned that meeting, like, a week ago, he had really looked forward to it. Now, after a ‘girlfriend’ visited, he wasn’t that eager. He needed to tell his parents, that he didn’t have a girlfriend. That they had had a maniac within their home. That they could be lucky that they were unharmed and well. Well, maybe only a part of the truth would do. He shouldn’t frighten them to death. Sighing softly, he entered the living room and greeted his dad with a short hug.

“Hey, are you all right?”

His father simply nodded.

“Your mother is in the kitchen, preparing lunch. Off with you and greet her!” Brian chuckled softly, entering the kitchen like his father had commanded.

“Hey mom.” he said, looking into their kitchen. His mother was making a salad, chopping some leaves.

“Hey Brian.” She looked up from her work, smiling softly. “How are you?”

Brian returned the smile “I am fine. Can I help?”

His mother looked at him skeptically.

“You, young man, burn water. Away with you!” and with that, she shooed him away, happily smiling all the while.

Rolling his eyes, he went back, joining his father on the couch. He looked around in this room he had seen it a thousand times. Tons of books on shelves. An old computer. An old and massive dining table made of oak. When he was younger, his father would tell him the story how his grandfather had chopped trees for that table. It had been within the family for generations. According to his father, it would remain within the family for generations. Hint, hint. Get children. Fortunately, his brother had already taken care of getting children, freeing him from any more hints into that direction.

“Do Piper and you have any plans for this weekend?” such a simple question from his father. And it made Brian even more uncomfortable.

“No.” he remained silent for a few moments, meeting his father’s gaze. He looked at him quizzically.

“Is everything okay?” his father asked worriedly.

Brian looked at him for a few moments. “Well…”

Then his mother came in, stopping any kind of conversation they might have had. “My little boy.” She finally greeted him properly, while annoying him at the same time. Hugging her son, she looked at him happily. “Any plans for the weekend?”

Brian sighed. “No.”

And again, he was confronted by a worried gaze. When you had a new girlfriend, you were obviously meant to share every free second with her. He could understand that point. He would like to be with Ed right now, too. Blinking the thought away he sighed again.

“Ok… we need to talk.” Sitting down again, after his mother had hugged him, he looked at their furniture for some moments. Then rose his gaze, meeting the worried eyes of his parents.

“Well. Piper.” He paused.

“Oh… you… broke up?” his mother asked timidly, already sad. “I really liked her. What didn’t work out? Maybe we can help?”

Brian nearly flinched. “No. Nothing like that.”

He paused. How should you tell your parents…

“Okay. She wasn’t and isn’t my girlfriend.” He could feel the confused stare of his parents on him. Their unspoken question. ‘What the…?’ And suddenly he knew that moment. He had to decide what to tell them. The truth. A lie. He looked at his father. He would be disappointed if he lied. Again.

“Promise me, that you never tell anyone about this, okay?”

His parents remained silent for a few moments. They could feel the importance of whatever their son was going to tell them. Brian’s father intervened. “If it is confidential information, we shouldn’t know. Tell us the short version, which doesn’t involve you ending in jail.”

Brian blinked. He looked at his father for a few moments, smiling gently. He had just told him, to skip it. To drop the topic. Stick to… well what? The lie? Not entirely. Just… the short version.

“She wanted to talk with me. She used you to get me here. We talked on the porch. She asked for my help. I refused, obviously. She left the country yesterday.”

His parents were silent for a moment.

“Were we in danger? At any point?” his father asked. It was a low and soft question. Filled with… what? Fear? Not entirely. There was something else, too. Something Brian didn’t recognize right now.

“She claimed she wouldn’t hurt you.” Brian hesitated for a moment. “I wasn’t that sure.”

His parents exchanged a gaze and remained silent for a few moments. For Brian, they felt like an eternity. Again, it was his father, who started to speak.

“We obviously need a codeword for such moments if they should ever occur again. I pray that will never happen.” A pause. “Lemon.” He stated.

“Lemon?” Brian asked.

“Yeah. Did you bring the lemons? Have we talked about your lemoncake? Sour like a lemon. Something. You’ll make it work.”

Brian nodded absently. Lemons. Then he met his parents gaze once again.

“I am so so sorry, that I brought you in this situation. It should have never happened.” Anger and sadness were written across his face. He felt so guilty for bringing them in danger. This time the maniac hadn’t hurt them. And next time? Would he be fortunate again?

“Don’t blame yourself.” It was the soft voice of his mother, which brought him back from dark places. “You couldn’t do anything about it.”

“But… I…” she simply shook her head, smiling gently. She wanted to ask so many questions, but she knew, right now wasn’t the right time. Maybe, when they saw each other again.

“I’ll go and ready lunch. You two gentlemen set the table.”

Brian chuckled softly and got up, helping his father achieving the task they had been ordered to do.

* * *

Meanwhile, Ed had entered Brian’s apartment complex. Just ringing every neighbors door bell had gotten him in. Easy and failproof. Someone would always open the door. A few moments later he stood in front of Brian’s door. He looked around, checking the remaining corridor. No one there. He closed his eyes for a moment. Concentrating. When Brian had let him in, he had seen the security alarm system briefly. It was a newer one. One way to deactivate it was using the fitting key for the door. The key was digital signed, the moment the door unlocked a signal was sent. Those signals were hackable, but an incredible amount of time was needed to do so.

The second way was entering the security code. Within two minutes. 120 seconds. Enough for everything.

Ed opened his eyes, took a deep breath and inserted his lock-picking tool into the lock. He knelt, concentrating. The first pin moved easily. The second too. The third blocked. Carefully, he pushed the pin upwards, waiting for the familiar ‘click’. The sound came and went. He probed the next pin. It moved slowly. Pushing it upwards, the lock turned. Ed hurried to open the door, entered the flat and closed the door behind him.

120 seconds.

He hadn’t seen the pin pad to enter the security code last time he had been in here. Yet, he knew that one had to be there. He had owned that alarm system some time ago. He knew it was here. Searching through the apartment he counted the seconds.

40 seconds in he stood in front of the pin pad. It had been behind Brian’s only real plant. That orchid. He stared calmly at the digits. Analysed them. He recognized the most used numbers. The pins were worn down. Barely noticeable, but there they were. Obvious for one with the eye for detail.

10 seconds passed.

His mind went through possible combinations.

10 more seconds passed.

1749

A moment passed.

Silence.

Wrong combination.

He remained calm, just staring at the pins. He looked around the apartment. Brian. No pin was random. And a personally selected pin… was it personally selected? Could be the starter pin, which should always be changed. The starter pin was linked to…

He blinked.

2471

A beep tone hovered through the air.

He exhaled.

Done.

Finally letting his bag drop to the ground he pulled off his shoes and his coat. For a moment, he stood in that flat that wasn’t his. Then he smiled cheerfully and went to Brian’s music collection. Looking through his vinyl records he read the titles, one after another. Turning one to read the song titles and descriptions on the back a plastic bag fell to the ground. Picking up the bag he smiled gleefully. Found your NZT, Brian.

Looking through the rest of his music collection, he found 3 more pills. His love had to hide his drugs better. He stood there for a few moments, then shrugged. A moment later he listened to skeletonwitch. Interesting taste of music.

Turning around and picking up his bag he sat down on the couch, taking his phone. He sat there for a moment. Then rose his phone, took a photo of Brian’s bonzai and send it to his lover.

* * *

Brian just set down at the dinner table, when his phone demanded his attention. Pulling it from his Jeanes pocket, he stared at the display. A number he didn’t know had sent him a text. Most likely some stupid spam message, telling him he had won something and all he had to do was follow that link. Opening the message nonetheless he blinked. A bonzai? Wait. His bonzai? His apartment? His gaze turned softer while he put his phone back. Ed was at home, waiting for him.

“You have someone, don’t you?” that question from his father took him by surprise.

“How do you know?”

“I know that expression.” he stated “Who is it? Will we get to know her?”

No, you wouldn’t, because it wasn’t a her. Haha.

“If it’s time. We’re just meeting for a little. Don’t wanna jinx it.”

His father nodded. He wouldn’t bring that topic up again. If Brian wanted to tell them, he would. Everything at its time.

A lunch and a bit smalltalk later he said goodbye to his parents. His mother looked a bit puzzled, she had thought Brian would stay longer. After their son was gone, her husband smiled knowingly.

“He doesn’t have a girlfriend, but he is seeing someone. Guess he is off to meet her.”

* * *

Ed was sitting on the couch, his laptop in front of him. He had worked on a speech he was going to give and was now more or less bored reading through today’s news, still listening to Brian’s interesting music collection.

He looked up when he heard the door open, smiling innocently at Brian the moment he entered the room.

“Ha. A burglar.” Brian stated amused. “And listening to my music.”

Ed chuckled softly. “Guess you have to restrain me, else I could run away.”

“I can’t let that happen.” joining Edward on the couch he pressed him down onto the furniture. A moment later their lips were locked in a gentle kiss. When Ed moved his arms to hug Brian his lover broke their kiss, sat up and caught Ed’s wrists. A naughty grin on his face. “You said something about restraining.” He pinned his lover’s arms down onto the couch, above his head. Brian looked down at Edward for a moment, then bent down, kissing him again. Their kisses grew more passionate with each one shared. With each kiss, Brian realized, how much he had missed being in charge of things. When they had started dating, he had let Ed take control. Mostly, because he did not know how to cope with his own feelings, how to tell his parents. Would they accept him? Loving a man. Yet, he knew somehow that they would. Whoever he loved, it would be okay. Why? Because he loved him. That was all it needed. He broke their kiss when he realized, what he was thinking about. A moment passed. He could see Ed, looking at him. He could basically see the question in his eyes. Is everything okay? Yeah. Bending down again, he kissed his love as passionately as before. This time, however, he realized, how close they were. Their bodies pressed against each other. For the first time, he pressed his crotch against his lover’s. Rubbing himself against him. He could feel Ed gasp into their kiss. He had surprised that man below him. With that knowledge, some weird kind of adrenaline rushed through his system. Surprising someone on NZT felt astonishing good. For a few moments, he let his body do, what it wanted to do. Simply enjoying himself. A second later, there was this question in his mind. Did he want to have sex with Ed? With a man. Was he ready for that? He… and then he felt, how fear overtook everything else. How he chickened out. He broke their kiss and their body contact, brought a few inches between them, sat down on his couch.

“I… I…” he stuttered. “I’m sorry.” His face red, still panting.

He could feel Ed’s gaze on him. He could see his love panting. Flustered. A moment went by, then Ed sat up, cupped his cheek and kissed him. This time, Brian was surprised. This kiss was the ultimate contrast to how they had kissed each other a moment ago. It was gentle and soft and innocent.

“Don’t be.” Ed whispered. Then he turned away, leaning back and staring at the ceiling, still panting. Brian just sat there, dumbfounded in a way. If he hadn’t had that thought… shaking his head he turned away, leaning back himself. “TV?” “Yeah.” Anything to take their minds somewhere else.

After they had calmed down they started to cuddle again, kiss every now and then. Talk about the TV shows they were watching. In a breeze, the day went by.  
Time passed, until, suddenly, Brian’s phone rang. He sat up startled, reaching for his phone. Ed’s gaze followed his movement, just in time to realize his love was called by a Russian number.

“Hello?”

Hearing the questioning voice of his love, Ed reached for the remote control, muting the TV. Meanwhile, Brian stood up, went a few steps, turning his back to Ed.

“Yeah? That’s awesome.” Silence. “Okay.” Silence again. “Yeah.” He laughed softly. “Bye.”

Sitting down beside Ed, Brian leaned against his love. “Who was that?” Ed asked, all innocent. Just sounding interested, who called Brian that late. “No one.” was the only answer he got.


	6. Chapter 6

After an ordered dinner (pizza) they talked a lot and finally went to bed.  
Ed had wrapped one arm around his love, staring at his back for a time. They had cuddled before Brian felt asleep. When he felt asleep, his head had rested on Ed’s chest. Sometime later, he had grumbled something in his sleep and had turned around. Now, Ed stared at his love’s back. He couldn’t sleep. Whoever had called Brian… that thought was a persistent question on his mind, not allowing him to rest. He didn’t care for the call itself. What bothered him was the fact, that he knew it came from Russia. After a few more moments he got up carefully, entering the living room.

A moment later he had Brian’s phone unlocked, calling the number, which drove him mad. He waited. “Brian?” a question on the other end. He knew that voice. Piper. Hanging up, he waited for her call back, which came moments later. He didn’t answer the call. Waiting for it to end. Afterwards he deleted his and her call from history, locked the phone and placed it into the exact same position it had been in before. He stood there for a moment, exhaling.  
Why did Brian not tell him, who had called?

Maybe, because he didn’t want to bother him with her.  
Would make sense. While Ed went through different possibilities, he fetched himself a water, emptying the glass with a few gulps. He returned to Brian’s bedroom. Leaning against the doorframe he watched his love. There was this possibility, that Brian didn’t trust him. Not completely. That a piece, however how tiny, doubted him. That piece, which had sided with Piper. “Hm…” he emitted, finally re-joining his love.  
He had to get rid of that woman. She was too dangerous left alive. First, however, he would get Brian to trust him. With Piper still being alive, that was an easier task. He hadn’t hurt her, had he? Proving her wrong was the best way to go.

Brian woke up to the warmth of sunshine and the noise of softly clicking keys. He didn’t want to open his eyes. Just remain lying here. In his warm bed. Wrapped in his bedcover. With Ed… well, what was he doing? Working on his laptop? Lazily opening his eyes, he looked towards his lover and simply continued staring. He had never realized how well-built Edward was. He could see his chest rise slightly with every breath. The muscles in his legs moved every now and then when he adjusted his position. His love was highly concentrated staring at his laptop screen, softly typing on its keyboard, as if not to wake Brian. His laptop, well, rested on his lap. For a while Brian simply stared at him. Damn it, he was definitely gay. After a while Edward turned his head, looking at Brian, smiling softly.

“You do have a very interesting expression on your face.” Ed stated, feeling like an ice cone in summer. Ready to be eaten. Brian turned his face away, blushing hard. A moment later he heard Ed close his laptop and put it away. He heard movement. And then there was Ed’s face close, his lips pressed on his own. Brian closed his eyes, embracing Ed. Enjoying their kiss. It was a soft and gentle one. “Good morning.” He heard Ed’s low voice when they broke apart. Brian continued to stare at that man. This handsome smile. Those soft, warm, blue eyes. So unbelievable gentle. Suddenly, he knew, that he wanted Ed closer. Feel their naked skin on each other. He knew he wasn’t yet ready for sex. He would freak out long before that, but why not enjoy the process? “Morning” he answered hoarse, pulling his love closer. 

Ed finally rested with his head on Brian’s chest, embracing his love with one arm. After a little time, his hand started to stroke along Brian’s chest, trace its contours lazily. A few minutes went by in silence. Ed looked up at Brian. He had his eyes closed, breathing relaxed. He was not sure how far he could go. One moment Brian would kiss him passionately, the next he broke apart and wouldn’t look at him for minutes. He had never guessed, that Brian was that shy. Well, he most likely wasn’t around women. He stopped his hand’s movement. He didn’t want to… “No. Don’t stop.” Brian’s voice was down to a whisper. Ed looked at him for a few seconds. “You sure?” No real response. Well… he continued to stroke along Brian’s chest, caressing his skin gently. After a few moments, his hand went south, stroking his abs, while Ed got up slightly, starting to trail little kisses on Brian’s chest. How far could he go without scaring him away? Try it.

He kissed Brian’s nipple, earning a surprised moan as reward. Smiling against his lover’s skin, he caressed it with his tongue for a few moments. He felt Brian’s finger entangle themselves in his hair. A moment later he was pulled away, towards Brian’s lips and into a passionate kiss. After they broke apart for air, they looked at each other, panting slightly. “You know…” but Ed never bothered to finish that sentence, instead he embraced Brian and turned the both of them around in one swift motion. Brian, suddenly being on top of his lover, blinked bewildered. Pulling Brian against his chest, Ed held him close, gently stroking along his back. After a moment Brian moved, getting himself in a more comfortable position. His head resting on Ed’s shoulder, his lower body pressed against Ed’s leg, hugging his love. Ed remained silent all the while. He could feel a partial boner pressed against his leg. 

An hour of cuddling later, they finally got up. Time for breakfast. Opening his fridge, Brian frowned. He could have bet, that he had more things to eat. When was the last time he went shopping? Was it bad that he didn’t remember? “Hmm…” opening his freezer, he shouted in joy. Some frozen rolls. After putting them in the oven, he looked for something. Anything. He ended with butter, cheese and Nutella. He could hear a chuckle from behind. Turning around he saw an amused Ed sitting on his kitchen counter, still not wearing more than his boxers. “How do you survive on your own?” he asked mockingly, getting down from the counter and hugged Brian. “I’ll take a shower. Don’t burn down the flat.” Ed said laughing, stealing a kiss from a pouting Brian. Looking after his lover, Brian shook his head. As if he would burn down the flat by baking some rolls. 

Some 20 minutes later, breakfast was ready, the rolls only slightly overdue. Brian had set his dinner table, but they ended up with plates on his couch, joking and talking all the while. Brian was done eating faster than Ed and ended between his legs, his arms resting on Ed’s chest with his head propped on them. “You look hilariously happy.” Brian commented while Ed was nibbling on his second Nutella roll. Ed rolled his eyes. “Let’s say, I am used to a healthier breakfast.” Brian simply chuckled. “Poor you. Imagine, what you miss out on.” He rose, kissed Ed passionately before falling back into his prior position. “Or me for that matter. You taste so chocolatey.” Ed snorted. “You mean sweet. That stuff doesn’t even taste like chocolate.” 

“Ouch, you just hurt Billions of Nutella lovers. Don’t say that in public.”

Ed laughed softly. “You’re my new adviser, eh?” 

“Seems so.” Brian nodded confidently. 

A few minutes passed, Ed not making much progress on his roll. “Well, okay, distract me.” A pause. “With me being able to eat.” Brian giggled softly while watching his love. 

“You want an incredible story to distract you from that poor Nutella roll? I have some cheese left. Want to try Nutella with cheese?” The face Ed made was answer enough.

“Hmm…” Brian thought for a little, drawing tiny circles on Ed’s skin.

“I told you I met Piper.” Ed watched his love. Brian hadn’t looked at him when he said those first words. There was something in his voice. Then Brian rose his gaze, meeting Ed’s. Once again watching him while (not) eating his roll. While he proceeded to talk his voice had changed. He was completely with him now, telling a story like he had asked.

“She came to my parents’ house. Told them she was my girlfriend. I had to stay there for like two hours before Piper finally left. I think I do have a really deep relationship with that woman.” He said scornfully. 

Ed chuckled. “Told you she is a good liar.” He entangled his free hand in Brian’s hair and waited for him to continue talking.  
“Well. She told my parents about our first date. It was soo romantic. We met at a mutual friend’s wedding. She was singing in the wedding band. After her performance, I talked with her about music stuff. You know, I had had a band. That would make sense. Afterwards, we sat there for hours and hours and talked. The next day we met again and… oh well, so on.” Ed, actually eating a bit of his roll, looked at Brian. 

“That sounds very much like ‘How I met your mother’. Just saying.”

Brian burst into laughter. That… that was true. He hid his face against Ed’s chest and continued to laugh. After he had calmed down he rose his head, watching his love. He had nibbled half of the roll away. Still a way to go, but he didn’t want to talk about Piper anymore. Watching Ed, being together with him. Here and now. He realized that he shouldn’t care, who had claimed what. He had chosen Ed. His version was true. Piper had killed her boyfriend, stole his NZT. She was a psychopath. He had seen that. She basically broke into his parents’ home with a fake story to get information about him. He should tell him, that she had called him. That she was sound and safe a thousand miles away. Yet, he didn’t.

“I was at my parent's place yesterday. Told them I don’t have a girlfriend.” A pause followed. What were they? Were they together? Would they be together? Boyfriend. That still sounded weird. Husband sounded even weirder if any of this would lead somewhere. Silence followed while Brian followed his thoughts to weird places. 

Ed watched the changing set of emotions on Brian’s face for a while. Then he put his plate away and pulled his love into a passionate kiss.  
Brian nearly froze when he felt a pair of lips on his. He had completely blacked out. What the heck was happening? After a few seconds, he blinked and finally kissed back. Yeah. Ed.  
After they broke apart Ed sat up, cupping Brian’s face. “Don’t go wherever you’ve been, okay?” his voice was filled with worry. Brian blinked again.  
“I… ehm…” what had he been thinking? First, whether they were together or not. Then about marriage. After that, there had been Piper. Piper, who… why was he thinking about her? What was going on in his head? To finally interrupt his head thinking about things, he kissed Ed. Again and again and again until both of them were panting for air.

“You didn’t finish your roll.” Brian stated after a moment.  
Ed smiled. “Had to get you back.”  
Brian looked at the older one. “Eat. Or you don’t get sweets.”  
“Isn’t that stuff sweet enough?” Ed teased, trying to change the subject. Brian tilted his head ever so slightly. “Eat or I won’t kiss you until… whenever we see each other again.” Which could take some time. Ed stared at him for a few moments, not reacting. Then he shrugged, finished the roll with three bites and pressed his lips on Brian’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing much to say about the story right now. I am trying to let them grow closer together. Thank you very much for the kudos! I'll keep updating :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to write the coffee side story, but somehow, it didn’t want to. Just jumped off of my fingertips and said ‘No, not today!’
> 
> And finally: It never made sense to me, that Edward fucking Morra didn’t think about the blood on that coat. It’s obvious! (And my version why he doesn't need to bother will be explained. Somewhen. Far later.)
> 
> Sadly, my web connection is downright terrible right now. Publishing every day slowly gets insane. But I'll keep going! You don't get rid of me!

Brian was laying on the ground in his bureau staring at the ceiling. His laptop stood beside him, playing multiple Romanian learn-language tracks at the same time. He was going to help investigate a case, mostly translating documents and listen to audio recordings, which of course did not exist. Some coup about shipping drugs from Romania to the US. The FBI had received a tip, that NZT might be among the shipped ‘meds’. And NZT of all drugs shouldn’t be released to public access. Obviously. Brian yawned bored. Reaching for his phone he played around with it for a few minutes. Then he sent a message to the number Ed had used to contact him last Saturday.

“Ce mai faci? Mi-e dor de tine.“

He stared at his phone, waiting for a response. Which didn’t come. Grumbling silently, he put his phone away, more or less listening to his language training once again.

Two hours later he was perfectly fluent in Romanian and started to sift through files they had received. Mostly email conversation. Unbelievable boring email conversation. 5 minutes later he came to a sudden stop. Ike, who had come by after lunch break, was looking up from his phone. When Brian stopped to work on NZT he was usually up to something.

Brian simply frowned, fetched the first email again and looked for the third one. Then he aligned the papers. “Ha. Encrypted.”  
15 minutes later he had written down multiple dates and locations, which were suitable for the ‘med’ shipment. Apparently, the dealers couldn’t fix a date. Stupid guys. Their first date would be over by now and the streets flooded with NZT. Brian was sure that his favorite drug was part of the shipment. However, due to arguments within the shipping party, the date had been postponed several times. And here they were, all their conversation lying on the desk of an FBI consultant.

After Brian had reported his findings, he sat at his desk for a few minutes. He was done for the day. Some days were just plain out boring. What should he do with his spare time? Look at his phone if he got a reply, for starters. Still no message. He grumbled again, getting up and joining Becca upstairs. Boyle and she were looking through cold cases to find suitable ones for Brian to look into. Brian, after watching them for a few minutes, joined them, looking through some of those files himself. After the first few, he closed his eyes, leaning back.

“What’s up with people?” just earning a chuckle from Boyle. Bad things were up with people.  
He had read through an old racism and one unrequited love case. Both ending with murder. Yet, no one was sure who had murdered whom. Conflicting alibis and such.

Sighing he picked the next file, opening it. A female suspect stared back at him. She was twenty at the time. Had a baby. No husband. A no-go at her time. She had been convicted for… his buzzing phone ripped his attention away. Pulling it out of his pocket he smiled. Ed had finally answered.  
“Not learning Romanian, but you too.”  
He was just going to type his answer when he rose his gaze. Looking at two FBI agents, who looked at him. Better: stared at him.  
“What?”

Locking his phone, he concentrated on the file in front of him. She had been convicted for stealing jewelry from her landlords’ wife. She couldn’t pay the fine and was therefore sentenced to half a year of prison.  
Brian was just going to dismiss the file when NZT reminded him of something. What had happened to the baby during that half a year? Most likely stayed at her mother’s place. His curiosity won and he took his phone once again, researching her. Of course, he didn’t find anything. That was long before the invention of search engines.

“Hmm…” something bothered him. “I’ll look into that.”  
Becca looked up, grabbed the file from him and frowned. “That’s a minor case. I don’t know how it ended in here, considering it was obviously solved.”  
“I know. Still, something bothers me.” Becca just rolled her eyes and continued to work on her files.  
Downstairs in his bureau he researched the detective. Joran Grimes. He was in his eighties. He could go and ask him a few questions. Maybe he remembered that case of his. After over 50 years. Unlikely, but worth a try.  
He was just going to leave when Becca entered his bureau.  
“Hey Brian.”

He looked at her, presenting a smile. “Hey. What’s up? Did you find a case worthier of my time?” he asked mockingly.

She rolled her eyes. “Not yet. I am done for the day and wanted to ask if you want to join me for a beer.”  
He looked at her for a moment. Joran Grimes could wait. Even though the risk of sudden death was pretty high at his age, statistically speaking. Yet, all of them could die at any second, so why bother?

“Yeah, of course.”

A car drive later they reached her flat. After getting a hand on his promised beer, he sat down on her couch. She joined him moments later. A pause followed. She wanted to talk about something, he could see that.

“Well, a question out of curiosity.” She smiled. “Did you meet someone? When you were looking at your phone earlier, you were basically beaming. Hard to miss.” 

Brian smiled timidly. “Yeah, I met someone. A little while ago. We were mostly talking up until now. Last weekend he spent the night at my place. We cuddled and…” he stopped when he saw Becca’s face. “What?”  
She smiled happily at him. “Kiddo, I think you are in love. You were beaming again. And your voice got softer.”  
Brian stared at her, taking a sip from his beer. Damn FBI agents.

“So… how is he?” Becca asked, intentionally dismissing the fact that Brian had said ‘he’. She could ask that later. First, she wanted to know what her friend was up to.

“Well…” Brian hesitated. A pause followed. Did he want to tell her…?

“Oh, come on.” She boxed him jokingly against his shoulder. “Don’t chicken out. I want to know.”

“Okay, okay.” He took a deep breath. “Well, we can talk about everything. On our first real date, I panicked and started to babble something about fish. You know, I had fish at the restaurant with him. He joined in and saved me from dying of embarrassment.” Brian chuckled softly, remembering their first real date. While he had talked his eyes started to glow and his cheeks turned slightly red.

Then he went on talking about his lover. How gentle he was and what a good kisser and so on. Becca simply listened, reacted appropriately if needed. And watched Brian. Yes, he was definitely in love. After he seemed to be done bubbling about his lover, she waited a few seconds. “Soo…” she looked at him. “A guy? I thought you are into women.”

Brian smiled embarrassedly. “I thought so, too.” He paused. “It somehow happened, you know. It simply feels right being together with him.”  
She smiled softly. “I am happy for you. Do your parents know him already?”

Brian’s smile vanished as fast as it had appeared before. “No. They don’t know.”

Becca nodded. They didn’t know anything. Their son having a relationship with another man. “It will work out. Don’t worry. Your parents don’t seem like…” like what? The homophobic couple of the year? You could never know how a person reacted to that sudden truth. There had been many parents who turned their children down over an outing. Many friends who turned their back at a gay friend.

“Yeah, we’ll see.” Brian ended that discussion, obviously uncomfortable.

A little time passed in silence, both taking sips from their beer. Brian finally broke the silence. “Well, I would be flattered, but I don’t think you asked me for a beer to ask me about my relationship status. What’s up?”

Becca was silent for a moment. Prolonging the silence by taking a gulp from her bottle.

“I was looking at footage from the shooting on senator Morra. Do you think he’s on NZT?”

Brian looked at her, acting calmly. While his head went into overdrive. That question was dangerous. For him and for her. More for her. He loved that very same man, but he wasn’t stupid enough to believe he wouldn’t get rid of Becca if she was asking the wrong questions.

“Why should he?”

“He was shot from over 3300 yards. I swear, he saw it coming. As if he dodged the bullet.”

Brian frowned. “A shot from that distance takes ages, Becca. I think he was just lucky. People move while speaking, you know?”

She grumbled. That was true after all. “I am just curious, you know. He was a struggling writer, now he’s running for president. Seems familiar, doesn’t it?” Her father had that turn-around when he was taking NZT. Brian too. Brian frowned nonetheless.

“I don’t think so. I am the only one immune to the side-effects of NZT, remember? You would know pretty fast if the senator was taking NZT. He doesn’t look like he is experiencing side-effects.”

Becca chuckled. “You are the only one we know of.”

Brian was silent for a moment as was Rebecca.

“Like I said. I was just curious. Most likely you are right.”  
Brian looked at her. She was going to look into it. He knew Becca long enough to know that. And then, suddenly, his NZT-self stood beside her.

“Remember his coat? If she tests the blood on NZT…” Brian’s heart nearly stopped. That coat. It was a piece of evidence, stored away safely. Becca would get the same idea. Becca would fetch the coat, claiming that they needed to do some tests. She would give it to their labs and they would discover what Brian knew for sure. That the senator did take NZT.

“Brian? You spaced out.” Becca looked at him worried. Brian blinked.

“Yeah. No. My NZT is fading. I always have problems to concentrate in the meantime. It’ll be better in an hour or so.” He smiled apologetically.  
They went on talking for a time, then Brian got up, wished her a good evening. “Are you seeing your boyfriend tonight?” Becca teased while saying goodbye.

Brian smiled sadly. “No, he’s a busy man.”

“Well, I wish you the best of luck. Will I meet him one day?”  
Most likely not, considering she wanted him in prison.

“Maybe. We’ll see.”

On his way home, he called Ed’s number. It seemed like an eternity until the call was answered.

“Brian?” Ed’s voice, questioning.

Brian exhaled, only now realizing he had held his breath.

“Your coat. You know, from the shooting. The blood on it. I think someone will get the idea to test it on NZT.”

What followed was a panicked babble of ideas and words, all being thrown together.

“Brian, hey, Brian.” Brian stopped talking, listening to his lover’s voice. He missed him. Badly.

“Don’t worry about the coat. They can test it on NZT all they want. They won’t find anything.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can't run away this time coffee!

Entering his bureau Brian frowned. A package was resting on his desk.

“Who send that?” Ike, who walked behind him, looked around Brian. Eyeing the package. Mike followed suit.

“It was delivered an hour ago by I-don’t-know-who.” Mike enlightened them.

Brian “Hmm”d, sat down at his desk and reached for the package. He was just going to open it when his mind reminded him of all those people who sat in jail because of him. A few would have a reason to kill him. From their perspective, at least.

“Was the package scanned?” he looked at Mike. He didn’t want to have a bomb in there. Or a chemical virus. Or… oh, come on, head!

“Yes, it was scanned.” Mike bothered to let him know. So… nothing dangerous? Brian looked at his bodyguards for a few long seconds. They were completely relaxed. Ohhkaay… Why was he bothering anyway?

Opening his package carefully he blinked. A thermo cup? What the…? Then he found the small white paper card, which accompanied the cup.

“Not good, but getting there.”

Brian chuckled. “I know from whom it is.” Taking the cup, he opened it. And stared at coffee. He inhaled its scent, like he always did, and sighed. That actually smelled better than any coffee he had drunk before. Taking a sip from the warm drink, he sighed, closing his eyes.

“Fuck.” He muttered.

Opening his eyes, he saw Ike and Mike stare at him.

“It’s coffee. A friend of mine claimed that I would drink bad coffee. I understand him now.”

Taking another sip, he watched his bodyguards. “Well…” Getting up he searched around in his bureau, finding three cups in no time.

“Why do you have cups down here?” Ike frowned, watching Brian how he split up his coffee between the cups.

“Long story.” Brian replied, offering his bodyguards a cup each. The third cup was for Becca.

Sitting down again he continued to relish his coffee, closing his eyes.

For a second he allowed himself to image Ed and him drinking coffee together.

For another second, he imagined kissing someone who had drunk that coffee. Sitting on his couch, embracing Ed and sharing that liquid during a passionate kiss. He felt goosebumps run up his arms.

Finally, for the first time in his life, he asked himself, how good coffee would taste. This coffee here, according to the paper card, was not good. Almost good. Getting there.

“What the hell?” Becca’s voice ripped him out of his vivid daydreams. Opening his eyes, he looked at her, as did Ike and Mike.

“You three just sat there and… what are you drinking?”

“Coffee.” Was Ike’s dreamy answer. “Good coffee.”

“I have a cup for you if you want to try.” Brian offered. Becca looked down at them skeptical. The way those three looked… could be they were on some drug.

“Fine.” Taking the offered cup, she took a sip. And stopped. Fuck. That was good coffee. A moment passed. “Is that from I know who?”

Brian nodded smiling, watching his bodyguards exchange looks. “From whom is that? Do you know Brian’s friend? Where can you buy that stuff?”  
Becca’s gaze switched between them and Brian. A friend, yes? “Not in person.” She dodged the question. “However, I have work for you, Brian.”

  


* * *

  


After his official work was done, he left. Standing in front of Joran Grimes house an hour later. That man, despite his age, still lived alone. Well, an agency looked after him every week, but nonetheless. Ringing he waited. A few minutes passed then the door was opened.

“I will not buy anything.” Mister Grimes barked at him.

Brian blinked. “I don’t want to sell anything. I work for the FBI. I have some questions.” Grimes stared at him, indifferent. Then he sighed. “Come on in.”

Brian carefully took in his surroundings, entering Grimes living room. Photos of his family, plants which he was obviously not watering, old furniture, a TV from the last century. Sitting down on his couch Brian waited for the old man. He sat down in front of him, taking the armchair.

“You’re from the FBI? You don’t look like an agent.”

“I am no agent. I am a consultant. You see, I read this file about Ellie Heart and –“

“About time.” Grimes interrupted him. “I thought I’d die before someone tags along.” Brian blinked. “Excuse me?”

Following Joran Grimes told him the story of his first case. This stupid stolen jewelry. How the landlord had been outraged. How could that woman dare to steal from his wife? Ellie had claimed, that she never stole from her landlord. She would never. Yet, the jury decided against her. She had a bastard son, no job and needed money. Desperately. It had all made sense in their eyes. Ellie had been sentenced to a fine, which she couldn’t pay. She was sent to prison instead. And was murdered there. About that time Grimes realized there had to be more to that case. Why murder someone, who stole jewelry? Maybe she knew something, that was worth killing for. He tried to re-open the case but failed. After a while, years went by, he asked a friend at the FBI to dump the file into their cold cases. Back then, he had added his notes to the file. Which had gone lost, obviously. As if someone wanted no one to look into that case. After all, it was closed, wasn’t it?

“Why did you want to investigate? With my notes missing.” Grimes closed, looking at Brian curiously.

“I don’t know. Something bothered me. I wanted to know what happened to her boy. He wasn’t even one-year old, after all.”

Grimes smiled sadly. “Ellie’s mother took care of him when her daughter was sent to prison. After Ellie was murdered she sent him to orphanage. She didn’t want anything to do with the boy who murdered her little girl.”

Brian hmmd softly. “Do you know what happened to him?”

Grimes shook his head. “I think he got adopted after a time. I don’t know by whom.”

Brian nodded, showing that he understood. It was something about that boy. And just when he was going to think about it, he felt his NZT run out. Damn.He talked a few minutes with Grimes, asking questions he thought could help him.

He talked a few minutes with Grimes, asking questions he thought could help him.

“Could you tell me, what you find out?” the old man looked at him, heartbroken. Brian nodded. He would. That expression on Grimes’ face. How happy and yet sad he was, that finally, after all those years, someone bothered to look into his case.On his way home, Brian realized a truth. Grimes was happy at the perspective to finally end that chapter. To finally solve his first case. To finally get to know.

On his way home, Brian realized a truth. Grimes was happy at the perspective to finally end that chapter. To finally solve his first case. To finally get to know.  
Brian wanted that, too. Finally get to know. Get to know how his parents would react to him being gay. He was something with Edward now for over a month. He wanted to fix that. Label them, for all it’s worth. He felt fear rise up. He was terrified by the thought, that his parents would turn him down. That Edward didn’t want to let them know. Yet, this weekend had felt so damn right. Wake up with Ed by his side. Cuddle, have breakfast, lunch. Talk and talk and talk. He wanted that weird phrase for him and Ed. Boyfriend. Partner. Lover. Whatever.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and called Ed’s number. This time he answered faster.

“Hello?” And had obviously not read the calling number. Coincidence, that he answered faster when not knowing it was Brian?

“Hey, Ed.”

“Hey. What’s up?” Ed seemed a bit distracted. Yet, when Brian chickened out now he would most likely never find the courage to ask again. Which would end embarrassing. For all of them. He took a deep breath.

“I wanted to ask you if you want to meet my parents.”

Silence. Brian nearly went mad, counting the seconds. Ed would laugh at him, wouldn’t he? He would tell him, that he never intended on meeting his parents. Make that official? A gay senator running for president? What do you dream about at night, Brian?

“I… ehm…” Brian could hear files shuffle. “Here you are.” Silence. “Of course, I would like to.” Brian could feel a stone fall from his heart. He wanted to. Ed wanted to. Get to know. His parents. “When? I would like to block my weekend for that.” He wanted to block his weekend for that. He wanted to block his whole weekend for that? Starting Friday evening, resulting in approximately 54 hours of unbroken time. Brian could feel his heart beat faster. Two and a bit days with Ed by his side. And they would only need Friday evening at his parents’ place.

“I haven’t asked yet. I wanted to ask you first. I think you have the more crammed schedule.”

“That’s thoughtful of you. I – wait a second.” Brian could hear Ed talking to someone. He couldn’t make out any words. Just his voice in general. “Sorry.” Ed again.

“You are busy, aren’t you?” Brian asked, feeling guilty.

“Yeah. Doesn’t matter.” A pause. Files shuffling again. “Friday in three weeks?” Brian hesitated. Three weeks. That was eternity.

“Sounds great.” It sounded great. Truly. Except for the time until then. “Erm… Ed?”

“Yeah?”

He had thought about that over and over. A thousand times. Yet, he didn’t know how to ask it. It was… argh… “Could you be off you-know-what when you meet my parents?” Brian wanted his parents to meet Edward. The real Edward Morra. Without drugs. Just him.

“When you want me to.” That sounded not really happy. Yet, he was busy with something anyway.

“Great. Thanks.” Brian exhaled slowly. A pause again. What was Ed doing? “Do you know how to ride a motorcycle?”

Brian blinked, haunted by a flashback of memories. “Kind of?” he answered unsure.

He could hear Ed chuckle. “Kind of? That’s a yes or no question, Brian.”

Brian rolled his eyes. “Yes, I know how to ride a motorcycle. Just some long time ago. Didn’t end that well.”

This time he could hear a real pause. Ed’s attention focused on him. “We’ll change that then. Do you have protective clothes? I can bring a helmet.”

Brian could feel how a smile forced its way onto his lips. Riding a motorcycle? With Ed? He had never even thought about that, but being confronted with the possibility, he looked forward to it.

“Yeah, I’ll find something.” He could hear files shuffling once again. “Why are you looking through files anyway? I thought you’d be a maniac with a passion for order.”

“Wow, thanks for that compliment.” He could hear Ed chuckle. “Someone dumped a ton of files on my desk and I am looking for three specific ones.” A pause. “I think I gotta go. See you soon?”

Brian smiled like a child on Christmas Eve. “When?”

“Oww, not up for a challenge?” and Ed ended the call. Brian simply stared at his phone. Did Ed just mock him with his own quote? Awesome. He knew he would get into troubles by mocking him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The following chapters all tackle meeting Brian's parents. (The next four if you want a number) I wrote them as one huge chapter in word, but split them for readability.  
> I am currently thinking about giving my chapters real titles. But I think I wouldn't take them serious.
> 
> Eg for this one:  
> The adventures of coffee.  
> Meeting Brian's Parents (#1): The Question.
> 
> Yet again... Titles do give away the content... Hm...  
> Thank you all for reading! I love you :*


	9. Chapter 9

“Hey.” Ed greeted Brian with a soft voice, offering him his helmet. Brian took the motorcycle helmet, looking at it curiously. It was a black one with a windshield. Only the best for his love.

“Does it fit?”

“Of course, it does.” Ed replied, entering Brian’s flat and placing his own helmet on his dining table. Following, he let his backpack slide to the ground and took off his jacket. They had some thirty minutes left before they had to leave for his parents’ place, so why not make it comfortable. Brian took his jacket from him, looking at it curiously once again. A black leather jacket with protective coverage on shoulders, chest and back.

“You do take motorcycling serious.” Brian stated baffled.

“Of course, it can kill you if you don’t.” Ed answered puzzled, taking his jacket back and flinging it over a chair nearby.

“I started it on NZT, but I am not interested in ending it the same way.” He explained. NZT did make things like that easier. You could calculate which car was dangerously close, let you dodge with a chilling ease, but NZT let you to believe you would never get harmed, which wasn’t true. It was easy to fall to the misperception to be invincible. It was easy to die on NZT. Ed didn’t want to think about NZT, though.

He embraced his love, pulling him close. His head resting against Brian’s neck, one of his hands resting on his lover’s back, the other one entangling in his hair. He could smell his Eau de Cologne.

“I missed you.” He whispered.

“I missed you too.” Brian responded, wrapping his arms around Ed.

Breaking their embrace, Ed looked into Brian’s eyes. He was obviously on NZT. He didn’t have to see it’s glimmer in his eyes. Yet there it was. A soft sparkle, that gave all users of NZT-48 away.

Ed smiled softly before he kissed Brian. Soft and gentle for starters. He could feel Brian pull him close, hugging him, stroke along his back. Their next kiss was more passionate. The following a French kiss, hungry and demanding. Ed did enjoy himself, caressing Brian’s back and neck in the meantime. On NZT Brian’s shyness was gone. Of course, it was. Being shy was a self-decided barrier, created by the human mind. NZT took those away. Ed broke their kiss, stroking gently along Brian’s cheek. He was realizing how badly he had missed him. Over a week without a word was too long.

A moment of silence passed between them. A smirk appeared on Brian’s face. Ed looked at him. What was his love thinking about?

“I asked you to be off NZT, didn’t I?”

“Yes?” Ed looked at him. What was he planning?

“I think I should scan your body, to be sure you didn’t smuggle any with you.” Brian stated innocently.

Ed rolled his eyes. “You’re just looking for an opportunity to grope me.” And for an opportunity to put his mind at ease, to think about something else. Freaking out about something on NZT could take weird forms. He could hear Brian chuckle softly. Yet, he didn’t do anything to stop his love.  
Ed closed his eyes when Brian started to scan his body. He could feel the soft, yet firm touch of his hands run down his left arm. His right one. Then he could feel Brian’s hand run along his shoulders.

He was pulled against Brian’s body. Opening his eyes, he watched Brian’s expression. He could feel his hands run down his back, feel his buttocks and squeeze them slightly, pressing their groins against each other. There was a teasing smirk on Brian’s lips. He knew Ed was enjoying it. Brian came closer as if to kiss him. Only inches from his lips, he broke their body contact, let his hands slide along Ed’s sides and finally run along his chest. Brian, still showing that smirk, knelt. Ed closed his eyes again. Just get through it. He could feel Brian’s hands run along his leg. Taking their time while running along his thigh. His other leg. Then he was done.  
“I think, you’re not smuggling anything.” He could hear Brian’s amused voice. He could hear Brian standing up again. Okay. Do- his thoughts came to a sudden stop when his love’s hand grabbed his crotch. Gasping he opened his eyes, staring into Brian’s sparkling ones. He could feel a little bit of pressure being applied to his most private region. Brian’s warm hand... did he… stroke him? It needed another second, until he got his hand moving and basically pried Brian’s hand away.

“Okay. We need to talk. And after that, we need to talk.” Ed said sternly, ignoring a pouting Brian.

“I think your body liked what I was doing.” Brian countered teasingly, while Ed pulled him to his couch.

“What my body liked or didn’t isn’t open for discussion.”

Sitting both of them down he watched Brian’s body language. He was sitting there, facing him, a smile on his lips. An arm on the back of his couch. Self-confidence in person.

Ed exhaled slowly. “What’s wrong?”

Brian met his gaze calm, not even blinking. “Nothing.” He answered with that confident smile.

Ed watched him for a few seconds, closing his eyes for a moment and taking a deep breath. “Don’t lie to me, Brian. I see you are scared shitless. Why else this farce?”  
Brian calmly returned Ed’s gaze. A second passed. Another. Then, finally, his smile waned and he cast his eyes down, surrendering to their little stare contest.  
His body language changed. And there he was. Brian. Not super-cool NZT Brian.

“I’m… I’m afraid.” He rose his gaze, meeting Ed’s. “What if my parents don’t like you? What if you say something they don’t like? What if I say something they don’t like? What if we misbehave? What if…” panic rose within his voice until it broke. Leaving only a quivering little boy, scared of his parents meeting his male lover. Ed sighed softly and pulled him into a hug, stroking along his back, holding him.

“You don’t need to worry. I have your back.”

He could feel Brian grab his shirt. Moments became minutes. Ed simply continued to hold him, stroke soothingly along his back. Then his lover took a deep breath and let go, bringing them face to face.

“I… I really… I want this to work out, you know? Yet I am unsure how my parents will react actually seeing us. Hearing I’d bring a male person and seeing it are two things, aren’t they?”

Ed looked at him for a moment. “If they wouldn’t be comfortable with that idea, we wouldn’t have that dinner.”

A pause followed.

“Are you sure?”

Ed looked at Brian. He could see fear written across his face. All he wanted to do, was hug him and never let go.

“Yes, I am sure. People do weird things, but inviting a gay couple if they are homophobic usually is not one of them.” He could hear Brian chuckle. At least something.

“I guess that’s true.” He answered evasively.

“Good. Let’s tackle the rest. Why are you afraid I could say something they wouldn’t like? I make a living from getting people to like me.”

This time, Brian giggled. “That’s true, mister senator.” Winning votes was nothing else than to get people to like you. Trust in you. For whatever reason.

“Finally, why do you think we could misbehave? I am not the first person you introduce to your parents. And I know how to behave. I’m all grown up, remember? And I guess you are the same.” He paused for a moment “Or did you forget to tell me something?” he continued jokingly, trying to lift the mood. Brian smiled, but the smile did not reach his eyes. Ed sighed softly, pecking Brian’s lips and pulling him against his chest, once again just holding him. A few minutes passed in silence. Brian broke it by asking: “What’s the other thing you wanted to talk about?”

Ed brought a little distance between them. “I thought about… well, us. I don’t want to come out openly. There has never been a gay senator running for president. I will acknowledge us at the right time, don’t be afraid of that. I want your parents to know, after all. Outing myself at this stage of the presidential campaign would be”

“Political suicide.” Brian both interrupted him and finished his sentence. He could feel Brian’s gaze on himself. He could see how Brian came to the same conclusion he had had. How he accepted it. And then Brian hugged him, pulling him against his chest. “I have your back. We’re in this together.”  
Ed’s heart skipped a beat. Yeah. They were in this together. Embracing his love, he snuggled close, enjoying this moment. They were together, weren’t they? They never talked about it. This whatever he just did was the closest thing they ever had. Yet, he had given his consent in meeting Brian’s parents. Obviously, he wanted the next stage. They wanted the next stage. Wherever that would lead them.

Pulling his jacket on, he watched Brian do the same. “Don’t become super-cool Brian again, okay? He’s annoying.”  
Brian turned around an amused smirk on his face. “I was under the impression you liked him pretty much.”  
Ed hesitated, opening his mouth. Closing it. A second passed. “Well, don’t become super-cool Brian in front of your parents.” Brian burst into laughter and shook his head. What a compromise.

“When does your pill fade?” Ed asked, facing Brian.

Brian chuckled softly. “What? Already missing super-cool Brian?”

Ed rolled his eyes, tapping against Brian’s forehead with his index finger. “I am concerned about your ability to concentrate on sentences longer than three words. When did you take your pill?” A mischievous smile appeared on Brian’s lips. “Around eleven?”  
Ed groaned. “You ask me to be off and time your own pill to…” he stopped talking, just shaking his head. “Let’s go.”

The first few minutes of driving were fine. The usual stop and go within the city. Ed relaxed, yet never let his attention slip. He could feel Brian’s gloved hands holding on to his hips. It relaxed him in a way he would never admit. After thirty minutes, they left the city, aiming for the suburbs. Finally, some space on the road to be able to go faster. Ed accelerated gently, feeling Brian intensify his grip. His machine below them growled softly. That’s how Ed liked her. Moments passed. He watched the night close in around them, colors fading. Suddenly, Brian’s grip was gone. Ed threw a gaze over his shoulder. From the corner of his eyes, he could see Brian. Arms stretched away from his body. Was he actually doing that stupid ‘I am king of the world’ move? Shaking his head slightly he concentrated on the road again. He could feel Brian’s arms around his waist right before he leaned them into a curve. He could feel Brian’s body move along. He liked that feeling. Their bodies working together. He stopped his thoughts drifting off to somewhere very specific. He had to concentrate. Yet, he was asking himself what his love was thinking. What he was feeling. He would ask him later. Maybe. If he remembered.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here it is, da meeting. Hope you'll enjoy it. I had a hard time writing it, handling all those different characters and trying to keep them close to the original.

Dennis Finch leaned against his house' door frame, a cup of tea in hand and watched the street. His son was going to arrive at any minute. With his boyfriend. He still wasn't sure what to think of it. His son in love with a man. It had been a surprise. A huge surprise. Especially after that Piper 'drama'. Marie had really liked her. And now his son had another man in tow? How did that happen anyway? When did it happen? So many questions to be asked. He could hear Marie in the kitchen. She was singing to a song on the radio. She always did that when she was happy. He wasn't that sure yet. Of course, he was happy for his son, but… he watched a motorcycle come to a hold in front of their house. The nearest street lantern was a bit away, but its light was enough to show him what happened. He recognized his son as the passenger. That Brian would ever sit on a bike again… but he shooed those thoughts away, concentrating on the scene in front of his eyes. His son got down from the motorcycle, briefly holding on to the drivers' shoulders. After his son stood safely on the ground, the driver got off himself, most likely pulling off his gloves and removing his helmet. Dennis had owned a motorcycle in his youth. He knew the motions. Afterwards, he helped Brian getting rid of his helmet. They stood there for a moment. They were talking, weren't they? Then they turned, approaching the house, approaching Dennis. Dennis put his cup of tea away and just wanted to call out for his wife when the lantern's light illuminated Brian's boyfriend enough to see his face.

"Marie! It's the senator!" he screamed into the kitchen.

Marie, who hadn't understood a single word, left the kitchen humming and headed to the entrance, joining her husband.

"What?" she asked back, until she stood beside Dennis, with a good view of the figures approaching. "Ohmygoditsthesenator" she said in one word. "How? When? Why?" she whispered to her husband before she went out onto the porch to greet her son and his friend. Boyfriend. Paramour. Oh, damn you! She hugged her son, meanwhile brooding over the question how to greet his boyfriend. A hug after she had hugged Brian? Was a handshake to formal? Ohh… Letting go of her son she smiled gently, finally facing the senator. A handsh- hug. Yes, a hug. Hugging Edward Morra she took a step back, introducing herself.

"I'm Marie."

The senator nodded. "Eddie." A single second passed. "How are you?" he added, out of courtesy.

Marie smiled. "Oh, I'm fine. Just a bit busy, preparing dinner."

"I could help, if you like." He proposed smiling. He guessed he wouldn't stop to do that tonight. Smile.

Marie looked surprised. "Oh, you can cook? Our junior here can't even do the simplest things."

Ed chuckled softly and threw a glance at Brian, who looked uncomfortable. Brian knew where this conversation would inevitable end. At embarrassing baby photos. His mother loved to show them around.

"Would you excuse me for a moment?" Ed asked, smiling as ever, and finally approached Brian's father, who was still standing within the doorframe, watching calmly. Ed extended his hand as greeting. "Sir." Dennis looked at him for a few seconds. He did like that man as a politician, but as his son's lover? That thought was weird. Nonetheless, he shook the offered hand. "Dennis."

Inside the house Ed stored their helmets away and joined Marie in the kitchen, chatting about ingredients and recipes. After a few minutes, her soup was nearly ready. Tasting a spoonful, she hummed lowly, offering a spoon to Ed. After having tasted what they were going to eat, Ed leaned himself against the kitchen counter, praising her dish and yet thinking.

"You could try to add cinnamon." He said after several seconds.

Marie looked at him. "Cinnamon? That's unconventional." Yet she reached for her cinnamon sticks, ordering her visitor to turn a piece into powder. Meanwhile, they chatted about cooking experiments. Ed reporting of his many failed creations. Marie was laughing all the while. Finally, one who shared her love for cooking. After they had added cinnamon as a test she waited. Calmly stirring her soup. A few minutes passed and she tried again.

"Oh my…" she paused. "That's good." she gifted him a gentle smile. "Kelly, Cameron's wife, is good at cooking, but she isn't passionate about it. Always sticking to the recipe. With her in your stead, we wouldn't have that wonderful soup."

Ed looked at her for a moment. Was that a compliment? He guessed so. And who was Kelly? Or Cameron for that matter. Most likely Brian's older brother. He would ask him if he found a chance.

"Well, that's sad, I guess." He responded softly. "Life's so short, doing something without passion seems like a wasted moment to me."

Marie laughed softly. "Wise words."

Meanwhile, Dennis and Brian sat in the living room. They hadn't said much until now.

"Well, at least your mother doesn't seem to care, whether you bring a Piper or an Edward home." They could hear laughter drift to them from the kitchen.

Brian met his father's gaze, looking uncomfortable. "Do you care?"

His father was silent for a long moment. "I don't know. I am still surprised. You never seemed to be into men. You had good relationships with women, after all. And you never chickened out of sex with them, which would have given you away. Why the sudden change?"

Brian sat there, looking like a school boy, who had done something wrong. "I… like, when we met, we talked for hours. It simply felt right. And when we met again, we talked for hours again. I mean, no one-time thing." Brian was silent for a moment. How could he convince his father best? "I wasn't sure myself, don't get me wrong. I mean, I and gay? C'mon." he paused for a moment. "After our first date, he brought me home. We kissed for the first time then. Just a short and kind of shy kiss." Like those, he got as morning kisses now, but damn, how he had liked it. Those soft and warm lips firmly pressed against his own. Brian had kissed him a second time back then, Ed looking surprised. After that, he fled to his apartment without a word.   
"I liked that kiss. It got me thinking. A man shouldn't like to be kissed by another man." A pause followed, once again. It was hard for Brian to talk about this. Explain his feelings. Partly, because he didn't understand them himself. Even now he wondered why. Like his father said. He hadn't been into men before. Why now all of a sudden? And then he remembered how his heart started to beat faster when they kissed. How he was happy, whenever he saw him. How he had stared at him when he saw him partial naked for the first time. He desired that man. And it terrified him. Brian blinked. Had he spaced out again? He cleared his throat and continued talking.   
"I knew I shouldn't have liked that kiss, but I thought about nothing else for hours. You know these thoughts, which simply drive you mad? It was like that for me. I thought, or better tried to talk me into it, yeah, it was just an accident. You didn't like that kiss. You can't be gay. And then we meet again and the first thing I do is kiss him. And God, it felt good." Brian cast his eyes down, looking embarrassed. Silence followed. Until his father rose his voice.

"Did he ever force you into something?" it was a gentle question. Full of worry.

Brian rose his gaze, looking at him for a long moment. "No. No, he never did that." Even though there had been that thing with French kissing, but he had to admit he loved the outcome, so why bother? And Ed never pressed him on sex. God, that poor man needed to be frustrated after what Brian did with him. Always tease and then chicken out. Brian could feel a blush creeping onto his face. Ed had to think he was ridiculous. In that moment, his mother and Ed entered, all cheery.

Ed looked at Brian for a second, when he entered the room. He looked embarrassed. What had the two been talking about? Brian rose, when he saw them entering, he walked towards him, stopping in his path. He cupped his cheek and kissed him. For an eternal tiny second. Ed's heart may or may not have skipped a few beats. When Brian broke away from him, his blush was deeper. Kissing him in front of his parents. It had to be huge for him. Ed had the strong urge to drop the dishes and kiss him again. Instead, he whispered: "Hush. Sit down."

Brian, if possible, was even redder, when he turned around and sat down. He could see his mother stare at them, a soft smile on her lips. His father looked at them calculating as ever. He could see he didn't like something. It bothered him, his son turning gay all of a sudden. He sat down like Ed had told him, waiting calmly for him to place the dishes in front of them and sit down. Instead, he could see that Ed placed his own dish beside him. Brian wondered for a single second until he could see Ed serving him from the right. Standing completely still. "Enjoy your meal, sir." He said, with the tiniest sign of amusement in his voice. Brian looked up to him, with amusement in his eyes. When he heard his mother clap her hands together, he turned his head, looking at her.

"You could work as a waiter, Eddie." Her voice filled with amusement.

Ed turned, finally sitting down beside Brian. "Nah. I just picked up etiquette. If you had to dine with as many representatives as I had, you would do the same." He explained matter of factly. Marie simply giggled. "Enjoy your soup, all!"

After a moment of silent soup eating, Dennis took the word. "That tastes wonderful, Marie. You've exceeded yourself." Marie laughed softly. "That's nice of you to say." She threw a glance at Ed, who looked at her innocently and complimented her too. Brian joined in last. A few more moments passed, they all just enjoying the soup. Finally, Marie picked up the word. "Well, what were you two up to?" she looked at her husband curious.

Dennis looked up from his soup. A glance at his son, a calm look at his wife. "Oh, nothing in particular. May I ask where you two met?" Ed threw a glance at Brian, who still looked like his next plan was to vanish right into the earth. He was still blushing. Adorable.

"Well, may I?" he jumped in, pulling both Dennis' and Marie's attention onto him and away from Brian. "Brian and I met at Ellerios." One of the noblest and most expensive bars in the city. None Brian would have ever entered. "They had a special offering that week. Giving away a glass per customer of 25 years old Macallan at an affordable price."

Marie joined in. "Oh, I heard of that. I actually considered going, but I don't like whiskey." She chuckled amusedly. Ed guessed that many customers had only been there because of the special offering. Macallen wasn't a whiskey one could usually afford.

Brian laughed softly at his mother's words and snapped the story from Ed. "After a while, I just sat there and stared at my, in fact, tasteful whiskey, not daring to drink more to prolong the taste, Eddie joined me. Of course, I knew who he was. We started to chatter about the whiskey, he invited me on a second glass, and it went from there. Hours later he asked me if we wanted to meet again. We went to a restaurant a week later." Brian finished, concentrating on his soup again.

His mother looked at them for a few moments. "That's a cute story. If they wouldn't have had that offering you two may have never met."   
She smiled softly, continuing to eat her soup in silence, just like her son. After Ed was done eating he looked around the table for a few moments. They were all still eating. He slipped his right hand under the table, placing it on Brian's leg, close to his knee. He could feel it trembling softly. Was Brian still afraid that something could go wrong? He stroked along the textile of his lover's jeans for a few moments, trying to calm him down. He followed the trail of his own thought for a few moments until Dennis ripped him out of those. His voice was gentle, yet firm. "Would you mind keeping your hand above the table, Eddie?"

While Ed blinked Marie faced her husband, looking embarrassed. In the meantime, Brian had grabbed his hand under the table, stroking it gently. "No, Dad, he keeps it where it is. I actually kind of like it." Brian's words were soft. He blushed once again. "And he isn't doing anything unfitting."

An embarrassing silence followed, which was broken by Marie. She tried to change the subject to anything else that didn't include the discussion of hands below tables. "Well, you said that you met at a restaurant after. Where did you go and how went the date?"

Once again Ed answered, simply because Brian didn't seem interested in talking anytime soon. He was busy stroking Ed's hand below the table and stare into the depth of his soup. Which he had eaten up. He was blankly staring at the plate right now. "We went to Eleven Madison Park. And" Marie interrupted him. "You were at EMP? Oh my god!" she exclaimed like a teenage girl meeting her latest Hollywood crush. "I always wanted to go there! But I don't dare to plan that long ahead. You know, the reservations…"

Ed smiled apologetically. "Well, being a politician has some benefits. If you want to I can get you a reservation."

"Youcouldgetusareservation?" Marie said in a rush, staring at Ed with big eyes.

This time, Ed felt kind of uncomfortable. "Yes?" he answered with a questioning voice, not sure what he had gotten himself into.

"Oh, that's awesome!" Marie answered, beaming. "Well. Sorry. I interrupted you. Go on."

Following, Ed told her of their first real date. How they had ordered a three-course menu, Brian taking fish as the main dish. And how Brian had told him everything one could have ever wanted to know about fish.

"When he realized I was just staring at him for the last few minutes, he got all silent" Ed reported, smiling softly at the memory. "And I thought. Well, screw it. When he has the same passion in his life that he had just used to talk about fish, what could I lose?" Ed looked at Brian, who looked a bit embarrassed, yet he smiled lovingly at the older one. A moment passed between them. Ed seized the moment and stole a fast peck from Brian's lips.   
He faced Marie as if nothing had happened. "I started to talk about ice-fishing in Norway. I had seen a documentation some time ago. I figured, Brian would die from embarrassment right there and then if I didn't join in on his stupid fish." Ed chuckled softly, while Brian rolled his eyes. Yet, Ed felt how Brian intertwined their fingers below the table, gently stroking along the side of Ed's hand with his thumb. Ed simply looked at Brian for a few long seconds. Then he blinked and looked at Marie, who looked at them. Calm and smiling.

"I need someone to help me serve the main dish." She clapped her hands, looking at her men. Ed leaned closer to Brian and whispered: "Join your mother." Brian blinked. "I'll come with ya." Getting up he followed his mother into the kitchen.

Ed and Dennis remained in silence. A more or less comfortable silence, which none of them saw the urge to break. Minutes passed. Then, suddenly, Dennis rose his voice.

"Why my son?"

Ed looked at the older man for a long moment. Why his son. There were so many answers. So many possibilities. "I don't know" Ed responded gently. "Something about him caught me off guard. In politics, many people are always smiling, always gentle and when you turn your back at them, they'll murder you at night." Which included him, too. He was good in smiling. And other things. "Brian is…" he hesitated. "Brian is soft and gentle and… I don't know. Real?" his voice was soft and loving while he spoke. Yet, he looked at Dennis all the while. Really looked at him. The moment passed and Dennis simply nodded. Ed knew that kind of nod. The 'I know you hide something and won't tell me about it' nod.

A few moments later Marie and Brian re-entered the living room, serving the main meal. Brian served him from the right, acting like a waiter like he had done before. Ed simply looked up at him, smiling amused. He could hear Marie chuckle. Marie, Ed and Brian went on chattering while eating.

Dennis didn't really pay attention. He was brooding over his thoughts. Something was wrong. His son wasn't gay, he knew that much, but why would he want them to believe he was? Where was the benefit? Getting invited to fancy restaurants his son never cared about? Drinking pricey whiskey? Where was the catch? It wasn't until he looked at his son for a long time, that he realized. And the moment he knew, he felt dumb. How could he have missed that? It was so obvious. Right in front of his eyes. The whole time. He saw that sparkle in Brian's eyes. That sparkle that came with NZT. When he learned about that drug his son was taking, he had researched everything he could. Somewhere he had read about that sparkle. His son was high. His gaze switched to Edward Morra. He would be able to afford NZT. And have enough connections to find people selling that drug. He saw Eddie's lips move. They were talking about something. His gaze went back to Brian. He was laughing cheery. Could his son be using Eddie to buy him drugs? Half a year ago, he would have said no. Without hesitation. Now, however, he wasn't sure. He had offered his son to box him out of the FBI. And he had declined. He liked what he could do on NZT. What if he wanted more? Have that feeling every day, not only after work. He had said that he knew who Edward was when they first met. He knew that guy had money. Maybe he had been on NZT even then, coldly calculating his best interests.

No. No, that wasn't his son. He could see, that he loved Eddie. And Eddie loved him. With a passion, he couldn't understand, but it was there. He had seen it in his son's eyes when he tried to explain his feelings. He had seen it in that single short kiss they had shared. He had seen it in Eddie's answer. Brian would use that, to get what he wanted. And then Dennis blinked. Why did that idea come so late? He could use that passion, too. He could use it against Brian's obsession with NZT. All he needed to do was pull the senator on his side. His gaze went back to Eddie.   
Maybe it was too late for that already. Maybe he already fell for Brian. Yet, when he claimed to love him, he would want his best. What was the best for Brian, though? Dennis closed his eyes for a moment and sighed softly. He had to try. Yet, he couldn't ask Eddie on their first meeting. That would be awkward. 'Hey, eh, we don't know each other that long, but could you have an eye on my son? I think he's drug addicted.' Definitely not. He would wait. Even though he was afraid Ed might not be willing to cooperate. He could already be lost to Brian's NZT charm by then. After a few more silent minutes Dennis blinked. Finally, listening to the ongoing conversation once again. They were talking about oysters. What the hell had he missed?

After the main dish, they helped themselves to a dessert. Mousse au chocolat. They all ate in silence. Until Brian broke it. "Mom. I love you." Ed looked at him for a few seconds, then turned to face Marie. "I need that recipe, Marie." He said seriously. Marie's gaze switched between the two of them. Then she burst into laughter. Good, she had just received an answer to a question she would have never dared to ask. They hadn't said those three words. After she had calmed down, she looked at him. Amusement sparkling in her eyes. "I'll write it down for you."

After they had finished off their desert, Marie rose. "Eddie? Would you mind sitting down on the couch, please?" Ed looked at her, wondering what she was planning to do. While Ed went towards the couch, Marie rose, walking towards one of the book shelves. Brian watched her. He watched, how she reached up, selecting a very specific book. Pulling it from the shelve. "Mom. Please." He whined. Ed, who had sat down on the couch, looked at them, curious. Marie sat down beside him. Opening the book. Brian. 0 – 17. Was written on the first page. In a stunningly beautiful handwriting.

"Oh." Ed emitted. A second later his eyes sparkled. More Brian knowledge! "Mom, that's really not necessary." Brian tried to stop her from doing what she was going to do. He sat down on the other side of his mother, looking fearful at that book. She chuckled. "They're just photos, Brian." During the next thirty minutes, Ed learned about child and teenage Brian. How incredibly cute he had been after he had been born. Even though Ed wouldn't use the term 'incredibly cute'. He guessed he simply wasn't that much into babies. He watched Brian grow up. Wear several Star Wars carnival costumes. Getting into school. Annoy his older brother, who tried to do his homework. Getting his first A. And after that, the photos became rarer. Mostly featuring Brian at family parties. At birthdays. With friends. With his first girlfriend. With his second girlfriend. Dancing at proms. Finally, when Brian's mother closed the book, she sighed content. A tiny amused smirk on her face. Brian stared fascinated at the ground. How much force would he need to break through concrete? His mother stood up, leaving a gap between them.   
Ed closed it, moving closer to Brian and laying his arm around him. "Hey." He said softly. Brian didn't bother to look up. "Nope." He knew what would follow. His mother loved to shoot photos of whoever anyone from this family brought home. Brian had an interesting collection of those photos. He didn't want Ed to become just another photo. Smiling gently at the camera. A moment later Marie stood in front of them with a camera, smiling happily. "Oh, Brian, come on. Please?" she begged, but Brian continuously stared at the ground. He. Would. Not. Look. Up. Ed's gaze changed between them. He looked at Marie, rose a single finger. She got the hint and got ready. Ready to take her well-deserved picture. She loved those family collections, even though in Brian's case it was more a documentation of failed relationships. However, she wanted them all. Every single one of them. It showed how her little boy changed over time.

Ed leaned into Brian, whispering into his ear: "Come on. I want to kiss you." Moments passed, Brian not reacting. Then he sighed softly and looked up. Looked into these gentle blue eyes. A moment later he could feel Ed's lips on his. And he heard the familiar click of a camera. Brian broke their kiss and glared deadly at Ed. Pushing his lover over, who had started to laugh. "Ass!" Brian exclaimed angry, yet with a hint of sadness in his voice. Shouldn't his lover side with him and not against him? His mother sat down beside him, touching his shoulder gently. He turned away. He didn't want to see another going to be failed relationship.

"Brian, look at it." Her voice was soft. Gentle in a way, he hadn't expected. After a few moments, he finally looked up. "Happy?" She simply gave him the camera. He looked at the photo she had just made. It wasn't like his earlier relationships. It wasn't an all-happy-smile stare into the camera. It was Ed and him kissing. He felt so much affection in that photo, that his face turned red again. That were them? Ed and him? He gently traced the cool surface of the camera preview with his finger. Then he blinked. "Uhm… Mom? Dad? Can we keep this private?" His parents looked at him, questioning. "I mean, the whole relationship. Ed is running for president, I am working for the FBI. We want to work out everything first. There are enough people, who wouldn't welcome a relationship between a politician and an FBI employee with my clearance level." His parents were silent for a moment. Dennis simply nodded and Marie said "Yes, of course."


	11. Chapter 11

Back at Brian’s place, Ed threw himself face down onto Brian’s couch, sighing exhausted. What. A. Meeting.

Brian watched his love, chuckling. “What? My mother loves you.” He got a muffled “Yaay” as response. Ed hadn’t changed his position, his face buried somewhere between pillows. Brian shook his head, smiling softly. He looked at his love, while sitting down on the edge of his couch and patiently waited for him to turn around. Meanwhile he gently stroked along his back. Ed hadn’t been like usual, he saw that. He guessed NZT Ed would never be exhausted by a meeting. He had still been charming, eloquent and cheery, but… less than usual? Ed had been like… less on NZT? Was that even possible? He had always thought that you were on or off, but nothing in between.

His thoughts came to a stop when Ed finally turned around, looking at him. A moment of silence passed between them.

Then Ed sat up, cupping his face. “I am sorry about the photo.” He said softly, sounding sincere.

“But I really wanted to” he closed the gap between them, pressing his lips against Brian’s. “kiss you.” He whispered into Brian’s ear. Brian could feel goosebumps run down his spine. He watched Ed laying back against the furniture again. Wearing a somewhat embarrassed smile, love shining in his eyes. He looked so vulnerable.

Bending down and cupping his face, Brian kissed him again. Soft and gentle. With no hurry at all. They had, in comparison to usual, all the time in the world. Ed would stay two days at his place. He could feel Ed’s hand entangle in his hair, keeping him close. They remained like that for some time. Just slowly kissing each other, enjoying their closeness. Brian broke away, sitting up. He took a deep breath. “Can I get you something?”

Ed looked at him, smiling gently. “A water and an aspirin?”

Aspirin? Ed had headaches? So, he was off NZT? Brian had always headaches after being off. Argh! He shooed his thoughts away, standing up and got his love what he had asked for. Watching how Ed dropped the pill into his water glass another thought occurred in Brian’s head. Sex was helping against headaches, wasn’t it? Wait. What. Was. He. Thinking. About?

“What the hell are you thinking?” he could hear Ed’s questioning voice. He was looking at him, wondering. Brian blushed softly.

“Nothin.” He answered too fast. He could hear Ed chuckle softly. A few moments passed. Then he gulped his aspirin-water down.

“Okay.” Ed answered gentle. Too gentle. He knew something. Had it been that obvious? Brian’s mind was just going to freak out, when he felt Ed’s lips on his. Once again, a gentle kiss, but this time with more force. “Don’t freak out, okay?” Brian blinked bewildered, just nodding.

A few minutes passed, in which they simply looked at each other. Then Ed leaned back against the couch. “Netflix or else?”

About ten minutes and a discussion about what they wanted to watch, they settled for a horror movie that Brian wanted to see since ages. In the beginning of the movie, Ed actually paid attention.

It was a weird psycho horror. A young couple, together for a year or something. He got increasingly obsessive about everything, not allowing her to leave the flat and the like. One night she found him sharpening his good kitchen knives. Those for severing meat easily.

Somewhere around then, Ed decided that paying attention wasn’t in his best interest. Instead, he turned his head and watched Brian. His gaze was fixed on the TV, it’s light dancing across his body, illuminating and hiding him every so often. Ed looked at Brian for a few long seconds, his mind completely absent. All he wanted to do was…

Then he turned his face away, watching the movie again. He… in a moment of kind-of-relief on screen, he hugged Brian and pulled him over, earning a laugh and a surprised “Hey!” from his lover.

“Sorry.” Ed responded innocently, waiting for Brian to rearrange his position. As soon as he was comfortable, Ed snuggled close, resting his head on Brian’s chest and continued to watch the movie.

For a few minutes. Then his mind slipped away, he dozed off for a few moments. All he wanted to do was sleep. He was tired. And Brian was such a good pillow. A twitching Brian brought him back to the world of the wake. His eyes needed a few seconds until they found the screen. His gaze hazy.

Oh. He was using his good kitchen knives to… but his girlfriend had learned some self-defense and drove him away. Then she ran. Hid at a friends place overnight. She would have to leave the city. And her (ex) boyfriend would follow her and hunt her. Such intense story telling.

Ed was just going to doze off again when he felt Brian casually wrap an arm around him, stroke along his back. He enjoyed the feeling for a few moments. He couldn’t fall asleep. Not now. Fighting with slumber, he started to gently stroke along Brian’s chest. He could feel the fabric of his shirt below his fingertips. He remained like that for a while. His gaze focussed on the TV screen, but never seeing. His fingers stroking along Brian’s shirt. How annoying. Fabric. His hand wandered south and slipped below the annoying textile. Carefully stroking along Brian’s abs, along his chest. While his hand slowly caressed Brian’s skin, he waited. His love continued to stroke along his back, still watching the movie. Ed continued to stroke his love, his mind slipping away again.

He snapped back awake when Brian moved and started to rise to a sitting position. He did the same, facing him. They brought a bit of space between each other. Was the movie over? His gaze flickered to the TV. No. Still running. Why…? Why did he get Brian’s unbroken attention? A weird silence followed.

“We need to talk. Or… I need to talk.” Brian said softly, with a weird tone below. Was he afraid? Oh c’mon, damn sleepy brain! Ed focused the questionable rest of attention he possessed on his lover. Looking at him. Waiting. A few minutes of awkward silence followed. He was just going to ask, what was wrong, when Brian continued talking. His voice was trembling.

“I… I like this. Kissing, cuddling… Making out in general. It feels good with you.”

Ed looked at his love. Good, that he was that sleepy else he would have stared at him in surprise. Brian talking about… well, what did he want to talk about? Yet, Ed was that sleepy. Too sleepy. Ed closed his eyes for a brief moment. Okay. Wake. Up. Otherwise this conversation would go faster downhill than… what went downhill fast? Seriously. Wake up. Ripping his mind away from immediate sleep, he looked at Brian.

“But?” Ed asked softly. That sentence sounded like being followed by a ‘but I don’t want to…’ whatever.

A short smile appeared on Brian’s face. Nearly amused. “No, not yet.” He stated. Taking a deep breath. That awkward silence followed once again. And it got longer. And longer.

“I…” Brian closed his mouth. Fighting with whatever sentence wanted to follow the ‘I’. Ed just looked at him, waiting calmly. That sentence would get out or not. By rushing Brian, he would only shoo it away. Poor sentence. Again silence. But this time it was different. It waited with them.

“I think I would maybe perchance accidentally like to have sex with you.” Ed blinked. The sheer amount of words meaning ‘maybe’ connected with the word sex in one sentence. Phew. And Brian. How embarrassed he looked. How terrified. Ed wanted to hug him, hold him close, but right now that would freak him out.

“And here follows your ‘but’.” Brian presented an unhappy, forced smile. “I don’t want anal. Not now. I figured I would be bottom, because you are the more dominant one in our relationship and I… I am scared by… well… you’re thing in my ass. I mean…” The first sentence was calm and filled with fear. The rest was a panicked babble, words being smashed against each other. Ed blinked. And blinked a second time. A moment of terribly distressed silence followed. Brian was afraid of his reaction.

Brian was off counting seconds once again. He stared at Ed, his heart pounding as if he had just run a marathon. He had a lump in his throat, his heart gripped by fear. How would his love react? He felt so embarrassed. Ed looked sleepy, but he seemed awake enough to understand what he had just said. But he didn’t say anything. He just looked at him. And.. and…

“We won’t have anal if you don’t like to.” His words were soft and gentle. He stated it. Like a fact. Brian stared at him. He had thought…

“But… I mean…” Brian stuttered his words loosely connected by silence. “I thought… Isn’t gay sex about anal?” he had been terrified by that conversation. He had expected his love to be mad. Why else confront him with that, when he was basically sleeping? Of course, he wanted an answer and however how sleepy, he would have gotten one after his initial sex related statement, but he didn’t expect him to… to…

Ed chuckled softly. “There is more to gay sex than anal. If you don’t want it, that’s it. We’ll find something else.”

“But…” realizing he didn’t know what to say, Brian just closed his mouth. Wasn’t gay sex about anal? He had just… well… assumed it. That was common knowledge, wasn’t it?

He could see Brian look at him. Then his lover cast his eyes down, sighing. Literally a sigh of relief. A moment passed, then he faced him again. “I really thought… like…” he was silent for a second once again. “Why don’t you bother? I assumed you would flip. Isn’t anal… like… the main way to have sex among men? Isn’t it… the pinnacle of trust or something?”

Ed took a deep breath, exhaling the air slowly. That was a hard topic for that hour. And his mental state. Some moments ago, all he wanted to do was sleep. Now he talked with his lover about sex and… trust issues?

“Not all gay men engage in anal. It’s more of a stigma, really. Of course, it’s the…” Ed hesitated. “most intimate way two men can be together. Of course, trust is needed for that.” He paused, thinking what to say next. Why didn't he bother? “I don’t worry about you not wanting to receive anal. Maybe you like giving it. Maybe you don’t like it at all, if we try. We hadn’t had sex at all, we shouldn’t worry about a certain position. After all, we don’t need to rush anything.”

Ed paused, tilting his head. “Why did you think I would flip?”

Brian looked at him embarrassed. “Well… like I said… I assumed me to be the bottom and… I really don’t want it. I thought that… me withholding you sex…” he blushed hard while stumbling over his own words. He could see an amused sparkle in Ed’s eyes. Would he… laugh at him? In this most embarrassing and vulnerable moment? He could feel Ed’s hand cupping his face, gently stroking along his cheek.

“For you being able to withhold me sex, we would need to start having it.” He chuckled softly “However if you don’t like anal you don’t like anal. End of that discussion. There are other ways we both can enjoy sex.”

Brian stared at him for a few long seconds. His dad had asked him, if Ed had ever forced him into anything. No, he hadn’t. No, he wouldn’t. Within these few long seconds, something changed for Brian. He could still feel Ed’s hand cupping his cheek. He could feel those blue eyes on himself, a warm but concerned gaze. How gentle Edward was. How thoughtful and warm and… Brian could feel warmth run through his veins. His heartrate increased ever so slightly.

He loved that man. He knew that already, but now he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him. He wanted to laugh with him. Snuggle close and watch movies. Have stupid fancy dinners. Hold him, if needed. Comfort his fears. Discover all those ‘other ways’ and everything else. He wanted… but first…

He closed the distance between them and pressed his lips on Ed’s. A soft kiss followed. A gentle kiss. A long kiss. After they broke apart Brian looked at him for a few moments. Then he took a deep breath and exhaled. Okay. He got up, sitting down on his lover’s lap.

“Theoretically, those ‘other ways’…” he teasingly stroked along Ed’s chest, then let his hands wander along his back. He started to nibble on his lover’s neck, throwing tiny gentle kisses into the mix.

“Would that include…” he pressed their lower bodies together, rubbing his crotch against Ed’s. He could hear him gasp. “something like this?”

A moment passed. A delicate moment. He continued to nibble along Ed’s skin and he continued his hip movements, enjoying every single second of it. Finally, Ed snapped out of… well, wherever Brian had sent him to. Brian could feel Ed’s hands slip beneath his shirt. He could feel warm fingers against his skin.

“I would say so…” Ed’s words were soft, yet teasingly.

Brian could feel, how his lover pulled his shirt upwards. He broke away from his neck, allowing Ed to pull his shirt over his head, getting rid of that nasty fabric formerly called Brian’s shirt.

“but first I want to see you naked.” Ed added amused. Brian chuckled. “Oh, you want to?” he asked innocently, crushing his lips against Ed’s and finally engaging him in a French kiss. Their tongues playing with one another. Meanwhile, he felt how Ed’s hands wandered along his back. His touch gentle and light. Then he felt his hands on his ass, pressing their groins together.

* * *

Brian didn’t open his eyes when he woke up hours later. He could feel Ed’s naked body against his. One arm around him, holding him. Spooning him. Morning wood pressing against his back. All in all, a pretty comfortable position. The only thing that worried him, was the fact that they were in his bed. Tugged comfortably under a blanket. He didn’t remember getting here. Most likely, Ed had carried him over some when during the night. For a second he wondered, why he didn’t wake up. Then again, he was super relaxed. Why bother waking up?

After a few moments, he realized he didn’t have his usual NZT-hangover. His mind was hazy, yes, but he had no headaches. So, sex was helping against headaches? Yet, when they were doing it, he hadn’t had any. He blinked confused. Maybe it was just due to more sleep. Taking a glance at his clock he blinked. Around eleven. Yep. More sleep than usual. Then he blinked again, turning around slowly. He stared at his… boyfriend. Was boyfriend the right label? It sounded childish. Like teens talking about their first relationship. Yet, lover wouldn’t fit. He was using that word for Ed in his thoughts since a while. Significate Other? Too old fashioned. He shook his head, getting rid of his labeling thoughts.

Ed was still asleep. He had always been up earlier than him, whenever they had spent the night together. So, he was waking up that early due to a NZT-clock-timer? No. The body got used to getting up at the same time after a while. One didn’t need NZT… and then he groaned lowly. Ed HAD been awake at his usual time. He had carried them over, hadn’t he? Stupid him. After that, he had gone back to falling asleep while cuddling. Why bother to stay awake if you didn’t have to?

He looked at his lover for a few moments, traced his body with his eyes. He rose his hand, doing the same with his fingertips. Gently running along his naked skin. Ed moved lightly in his sleep. He watched his love for a few more minutes, gently caressing his skin. Then he snuggled close, comfortably resting against Ed’s chest, his one arm still around him. He inhaled their combined scent. Sweaty and yet… wrapping one arm around his love, Brian started to doze off and snap back to consciousness every now and then.

Approximately one hour later, Brian was done with falling asleep and waking up. He opened his eyes and brought a little space between them, looking at Ed for a few more minutes. He wasn’t sure when he ever got this chance again. Watching his love asleep. A tiny smile appeared on his lips. He carefully pulled Ed’s arm off his body, letting it rest against his chest. Then he got up on his knees, supporting his lovers back with a hand and caaareeefulllyy turning him on his back. Trying to not wake him in the process. He actually had no idea what kind of sleeper Ed was. Light or heavy. Could the world end around him or would he awake and the tiniest sound? Well, he didn’t wake up because of the tiniest sound, most obviously, but there was a huge rage between both extremes.

Finally getting on top of his lover, he looked at him once again. He looked so calm. At peace, in a way. Then Brian bend down, pressing a soft kiss against Ed’s lips. After a moment he broke their (let’s be honest: his) kiss. No reaction at all. Okay. He got up on all fours, hovering over Ed and started to kiss along his neck. Starting to nibble along his skin every now and then. He lost himself in caressing his lover for a little while, not realizing Ed woke, until two muscular arms wrapped around him. A moment later his head was pulled towards Ed’s, uniting their lips in a gentle morning kiss.

“Morning.” Brian whispered gently, earning a yawn as response. So lovely!

“Morning.” Ed responded after he finished yawning.

A moment passed in silence, Ed adjusting to being awake. Brian watched him while doing so, then he leaned in, whispering into his lover’s ear: “We should do something about your problem down there.”

Ed was silent, just staring at him, but he was awake now. Brian could feel his gaze on him. He did love their encounter yesterday. A part of him wondered, why he had evaded sex for so long. With Ed, it just felt…

“What about us taking a shower? I think we need one.” Brian asked in a teasing voice, holding Ed’s gaze with a naughty smile on his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sex Scenes are featured in a different story.  
> They get too long on their own, they pull up the rating and they aren't that important for the story. I will reference their nightly occasions in a reader-friendly way.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we are, you are up to date with my publications on other plattforms. From now, you will need to wait for updates as I write them.
> 
> I'll try to update once a week. I try to be faster. I promise!

Two weeks later Brian sat at home, blankly staring at his laptop monitor. He had written back and forth with a scientist, something about healing blood cancer. He had a very interesting approach. With a bit more of development, it might actually work. Then again, that tiny voice in the back of Brian's head whispered, that it would never come to that. The pharma industry couldn't earn money by curing cancer. He blinked. Wasn't that exactly what Ed had told him after he got his second shot of the enzyme? That the world wasn't ready to be changed.

He shook his head, forcing his thoughts away from that topic. A moment later his mind stopped at his other problem. The one he avoided for two weeks. He loved Ed, he really did. But he didn't trust him. Not completely. He wanted to, but he didn't. He had figured his problem out pretty easily. It was called Piper. Piper and her stupid story. She had been so sincere. She believed in what she told him. That she stole NZT and the enzyme and Ed had killed her boyfriend as retribution. Ed's story was a different one, of course. And if Ed lied here, where else would he lie? Where did he lie? Was anything true his lover told him? Anything at all?

He shook his head. Keep calm Brian. Only one way to find the truth. Good old research. Some twenty minutes later he frowned. Ed had three public R&D facilities. None of them had reported a theft. So he went for private facilities, just searching for thefts in the timeframe given by both, Piper and Ed. He found an article in a small newspaper, reporting a burglary in a facility in town yesterday. Yesterday didn't help him. Yesterday would fit in both time frames.

Okay. So, the internet couldn't help him. Weird thought. He would have to go for talking with people. He found some ex-employees of Ed, who had worked for him in the same time span Piper had worked for him. Maybe they knew her. While writing names down he hesitated. Did he really want to investigate against his lover? Staring at his own handwriting for a moment. What would he tell him, if he found out? And he would get to know about that. Well… he would worry about it when it happened.

For another week he spent his time after work with talking to people. The fifth person he met had something to say about Piper. The previous ex-employees didn't know her or had only met her briefly.

He was in the living room of a Jane McHollow, who served him tea.

"So, why is the FBI investigating the murder of her boyfriend? I thought it was Piper." She asked him curiously. He had stolen Boyle's FBI badge. No one ever wanted to see the ID accompanying the badge. The badge was enough. The badge opened doors easily. He had flashed it to her after she opened the door.

"We found some evidence which suggests that he got murdered by someone else." He said. That was true in a way, wasn't it? Well, if trusting a psychopathic woman who tried to murder his lover was new evidence, then yes, it was true.

"Oh, really?" Jane asked, taking a sip from her tea. Measuring him with her eyes. "I remember those two. He sometimes picked her up from work. They were lovey-dovey deep in love. Kind of annoying, to be honest." She smiled apologetically. "They never had any troubles. None I would remember. And Piper nonstop babbled about him, whenever she had the chance." She got silent. Very silent. She looked at him. Was there sadness in her eyes?

"That was before she got drug addicted, though. She got weird, you know. Aggressive, when she wasn't on it." Brian realized Jane was staring at him. Watching his reaction to every single word. He felt trapped by her gaze. And suddenly, he was excited. That woman knew what happened. Maybe she had seen Piper.

"Do you know what happened that day when her boyfriend got murdered?" Brian asked slowly. He suddenly wasn't sure if he would leave that house alive.

Jane stared at him, setting down her cup of tea. "Well, agent Finch. I have worked at a few different facilities of Mister Morra. I was late that day. Last one in the building. I wanted to finish my reports. Hadn't written any in a while. And then suddenly I see a person passing my office. I think... 'what the…?' Maybe just Holly. She was always forgetting something in her office. But you see, Holly would have stopped at my office, we would have a nice little chat. That person just sneaked by, hoping to not be seen. So, I got up and followed. I didn't know whom I was following. That person went to the basement, you know. Then I saw her. Piper entering the access code to one of those safes we have down there. I hid immediately. You see, she was covered in blood."

Brian stared at Jane silently. Well… ehm…

"I called Mister Morra as soon as she was gone. He told me she murdered her boyfriend." She took a sip from her tea once again. Silence followed.

"Are you sure?" Brian asked timidly.

Jane smiled. "I know what I saw. I would stop to investigate a closed case, agent Finch."

He was silent for a moment. "Why did you never testify against her?"

Jane smiled softly. "The facility she broke in. Let's say it's not a public one. To have people investigating there wouldn't be in Mister Morra's best interest."

Well… that had been a threat in a way. He looked at her. And she just smiled, drinking her tea. He guessed she knew what Ed did to people sticking their noses into sensitive things.

As soon as that sweet young man was gone, Jane dialed a number.

Brian went on to talk to Ed's ex-employees. He had two more names on his list. Those two only said what he already knew. The first didn't know her at all. The second told him, that Piper got aggressive after a while. Confirming a piece of Jane's story.

Saturday morning, he lay in bed for ages. What should he do know? Confront Piper with what he had learned? Well, that wouldn't get him anywhere. She believed in her story. Ask Ed who had told him that Piper broke into one of his facilities? Err… He could gift him an 'I'm poking my nose into your stuff' neon-blinking greeting-card too. Wouldn't be more obvious.

He wanted to finally get up when his phone vibrated. A message? Grabbing his phone from his bedside table he beamed. A message from Ed.

"You have time tomorrow?" Of course, he had time on Sunday.

"Yeah" Brian texted back, getting a close to immediate response.

"Great. Do you have anything else than Nutella for breakfast?"

Brian grinned when he read his love's message. "We'll see."

He let himself drop back into his pillows, grinning like an idiot. His heart was beating a bit faster. Why wasn't he trusting that guy again? After all, he was helplessly in love with him.

After he went shopping he stared into his open fridge. He had never seen it that full. Well, he had gone on a shopping frenzy… He remembered that Ed was 'used to a healthier' breakfast. But he didn't know what his love liked. So… he bought everything he could find. Yogurts and fruits and cereals and… Closing his fridge he blushed in embarrassment. Who should eat all that stuff? Well… better pretend it never happened. His fridge was always that full. Yep.

Sunday morning, he woke to his ringing phone. Yawning he tried to grab it but threw it down in the process. Oh, dammit! Getting out of bed he looked around. Where the heck did his phone disappear to? Well, following its sound it had to be below his bed. Yay. Getting on the ground he glanced below his bed. There it was, shining display, ringing innocently. Amidst dust and… spider webs? He should clean down there. Maybe. Grabbing his phone he wiped the dust away, finally answering his call.

"You are a heavy sleeper, aren't you?" he was greeted by an amused Ed.

"Yeah. No. Kind of. I didn't sleep that long." Brian stumbled together "My phone fell to the floor." He added. Ed made an 'I heard what you said and don't quite believe you' sound. Silence followed.

"Well… would you like to open the door?"

Brian blinked. Door. "Why didn't you ring?" He got up, walking through his living room and approaching the door.

"I did. You didn't open. Hence the call."

"Oh" so he was a heavy sleeper? Erm…

Letting Ed into the house he opened his apartment door, waiting for his lover. With his phone in his hand.

"Ehm… I'll hang up, okay?" he stated with a questioning voice, doing what he said he would do.

A moment later Ed came into his field of vision. Looking cheery like always. And awake. Damn. For a moment Brian wondered how he looked. Most likely like a zombie. He was awake long hours last night. Could be he didn't hear the doorbell because of that.

"Morning" Ed chirped, pressing a morning kiss onto Brian's lips. Brian returned the kiss but stared sleepily at his lover. How could he have such a good mood that early in the morning? On top of that on a Sunday?

"I brought coffee." Ed stated, pressing two thermo cups into Brian's hands.

In an instant, Brian's face and his mood lit up. Coffee.

Some minutes later, after Ed had stared at the contents of his fridge, they sat on his couch, eating breakfast. Brian realized they couldn't be more unlikely at that moment. Ed sitting there in jeans and shirt and all, eating a bowl of yoghurt-cereal-fruit-stuff, and he only wearing briefs and nipping on his coffee. The coffee was better than the last one Ed got him. Or maybe it was better because Ed was here. Either way, time to turn one of his daydreams into reality. He waited until Ed had munched one spoon down, took a sip of coffee and caught his lips in a kiss. A moment later he engaged him in a passionate kiss. And spilled coffee over both of them. Oops. He blushed lightly, looking at a laughing Ed. That one leaned away, still chuckling.

"When you want me to pull off my shirt, you can just say so. No need to spill coffee over it."

Brian's blush deepened and he mumbled a sorry. Yet he watched, how his love pulled off his shirt. He loved to see more of Ed's skin. Then Ed grabbed Brian's coffee, took a sip, and pressed his lips on Brian's. A moment later they did share his coffee while kissing passionately. He could feel Ed's tongue nudging his. He closed his eyes, enjoying their kiss and his coffee, gulping the later one down. He sighed softly. Coffee. And kissing Ed. A moment later he felt a warm tongue lick along his abs. Ripping open his eyes he watched his lover lick the spilled coffee from his skin. He took his time doing so. And Brian felt his blood rush somewhere else. After Brian was clean again, Ed sat up, stole a peck from Brian's lips and returned to eating. Meanwhile admiring what he had done.

Brian shivered softly, sitting up straight. His head resembled a tomato by then. He knew he had a boner. And Ed just stared at him, grinning mischievously.

After Brian somehow survived breakfast, he excused himself and took a not-so-quick shower, wearing at least sweatpants when he re-entered the living room. Ed just sat there, doing something on his phone. He looked up, when Brian entered the room, beaming at him. Brian frowned lightly. Something was odd.

That feeling disappeared throughout the day. They watched Netflix, talked, cuddled and kissed. Like any other day Ed would come visit.

At the end of the day, somewhen around 8:30 p.m., they were watching a movie. Or… Ed was watching a movie. Brian lay on his couch, his head placed on Ed's lap and enjoyed a caressing by his lover. Ed was gently stroking along his naked chest and abs, changing the intensity of his touch every now and then. Brian had his eyes closed, a small smile on his lips and sighed every now and then. He enjoyed himself. Was there anything better in the world?

"Is there a reason you go around asking my ex-employees about Piper Baird?" Ed's voice was soft and gentle and… dangerous.

Brian's heart stopped for a moment until it remembered how to beat. Just a bit faster this time. Brian opened his eyes, looking at Ed. He looked down at him, a calm and serious expression on his face. Brian cursed in his head. Why hadn't he thought about an answer while on NZT? He was just opening his mouth, still having no idea what to say, when a ringing doorbell saved his life. He closed his mouth. Smiling apologetically while getting up. He could feel Ed's eyes follow him through the room.

At his door, he used the intercom to find out who rang at his door that late.

"Hello?"

"Heeeeyyy" a cheery Rachel greeted him back. "C'mon, open the door, Brian! Game of Thrones is starting soon! I brought something to eat along the way!" he could hear the excitement in her voice.

Brian hesitated. "Ehm… Rachel… I have someone here and…"

"Doesn't matter, bro. Just introduce us!" she interrupted him.

Brian stared at his door. Introduce… well…

Then he could feel Ed embracing him from behind, pulling him back against his chest, his arms closing around Brian. "Just let her in, she'll meet me anyway." He said softly, loud enough to be heard through the intercom.

"You see? Even who-ever-is-with-you doesn't have anything against it!" Rachel screamed, joining Edwards side unknowingly.

Brian stared at his door. He could feel Ed's embrace. Normally, he loved those. Right now, he felt trapped. He felt terrified. Like… in the embrace of death? He could feel how Ed leaned closer whispering into his ear.

"We'll talk later."

A sudden coldness ran through his body. His heart skipped a beat once more. He could feel, how Ed pressed a kiss against his neck and let go, walking back into the living room. Brian finally opened the door for his sister.

Never go, Rachel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to admit, I had so much fun writing that chapter. The hard change of atmosphere after Ed confronts Brian. The slow build-up until then. The realization that he could get into troubles because Ed does not approve of his actions.  
> After all, his love IS a dangerous man.


	13. Chapter 13

Rachel entered Brian's flat, waving a bag of potato chips in front of her, grinning.

"I know they're your favorite!" she said cheery, placing the bag in his hand. Brian smiled softly while trying to hide his discomfort. Ed had just… well… threatened him? It felt like that. Over all his love, he had forgotten what a dangerous man Ed was. Of course, he wouldn't approve of Brian sneaking around his back and asking questions.

Rachel snapped her fingers in front of his face.

"Seriously, you need to do something about you zooming out." She said worried, looking at him. "Is everything alright? You just looked like you saw a ghost or something."

Brian blinked and smiled embarrassedly. "I didn't think I would get a visitor. It's all." He could feel Rachel's gaze on him. She didn't quite believe him, but she didn't say anything. She just dropped her voice to a whisper: "That voice. Was that a man?"

Brian blushed softly. His parents really hadn't told anyone about them. "Yeah." He whispered back. Brian could feel his sister's gaze on him, she most likely thought about his words. Wasn't she surprised about his answer? Or did she hide it well? A moment passed. She nodded and wanted to walk past him. "Oh, Rachel." She stopped, faced him. "Don't tell anyone I am seeing him, okay? Wouldn't be good. I mean, mom and dad know. But… like… ehm…" he stopped when he realized all words had fled him.

Rachel looked at him and tilted her head. "Well, okay. But no need to make a secret. It's not as if you're dating the president or something." Brian forced a smile onto his face and scratched his neck. Rachel simply rolled her eyes and finally passed him, entering his living room.

And screamed in joy.

Brian hurried after her, looking at a surprised Ed, who casually sat on his couch as if nothing had ever happened between them. Rachel meanwhile faced him again.

"Brian. Why didn't you tell me you're screwing Edward fucking Morra." She turned around, facing Ed. "Or you screwing him, didn't want to make any assumptions." A moment of silence passed. "Are you into screwing yet?" she asked timidly, yet oddly curious.

A weird moment of silence passed. Brian wanted to introduce his sister to break it, but Rachel took that deed from him. She basically jumped over his couch, sitting down beside Ed and hugged him. "I'm Rachel. Brian's sister. And may I add you're doing great work?" she went on babbling about him.

Brian watched them. Ed, who had looked startled a moment ago, had found his smile back and talked casually with her. Yeah. His sister was a bit obsessed with him. As far as one could be obsessed with a politician. Yet, Brian felt a chill run down his spine. Ed had been that cold a moment ago. Now he was all cheery and sweet. He could change between moods with the snap of a finger. Creepy, if you thought about it. Maybe Brian should seize the moment and steal a last kiss from his lover. Before that lover murdered him as soon as his sister was gone. Don't be stupid Brian. Edward didn't murder people. He let them disappear. The wording was important.

Deciding that he should take his last chance, he approached his couch, straddling his lover and stealing a long, soft kiss from him. He could feel Ed's hand run gently along his back. Breaking apart he looked at him. There was no hint of anger in his eyes. Really creepy.

Rachel interrupted him staring at his lover. "Brian, no offense. I love to watch men making out, but with you in the picture it's gross."

Brian blushed a deep red instantly, earning a chuckle from his lover (going to be murderer?), got up and sat down beside Rachel. She looked at him for a moment. She felt that something was odd but she had already tried asking him and didn't get a response. Hence, she didn't bother. For today. She turned around to face Ed again. "Do you know Game of Thrones?"

He looked at her for a moment, answering with a casual "Yes." She blinked surprised. "You do? Well, what's your favorite episode?"

While those two went off on Game of Thrones, Brian laid his head back, staring intensely at the ceiling. What would he tell Ed, as soon as his sister was gone? He turned his face, looking at Ed. He was easily charming his sister. He didn't even know his love was watching Game of Thrones. He hadn't been hyped about the new season like his sister had been. What did he know about Edward Morra? What was real? He closed his eyes. What was he going to say?

Some moments later he heard Rachel zapping to HBO. Sighing softly, he opened his eyes. Well… enjoy your last minutes, buddy!

* * *

After Rachel was gone Brian glanced at Ed. They both had wished her a good night and a pleasant drive home. Ed shot him a calm gaze and left for the living room, sitting down on the couch. He looked at Brian expectantly. Brian just stood there, looking at him.

Silence. And it dragged on and on. Finally, Ed sighed frustrated. "Well. Why did you do it? Why are you sniffing around behind my back?" his voice was cold again, as was his gaze.

Brian just stood there for a few more moments, then he approached his love carefully, sitting down at the other end of the couch. Ed narrowed his eyes. "Are you afraid of me? You're acting like startled game."

Brian took a deep breath, breaking their eye contact and started to speak. "If you ask me like that. Yes. I am afraid of you. You scared me to death earlier. I know you can… well… make people disappear." He took a deep breath, not looking at Ed. "I wasn't sure which story is true, okay? Piper's or yours. I wanted to be sure. So, I went looking."

Silence followed once again. He turned around slowly, afraid what he would see. He didn't want to see Ed's angry gaze. But he never saw an angry gaze. Instead, he was confronted by a genuine hurt expression. "You think I could harm you?"

Brian opened and closed his mouth. "I…" but he hadn't any words. Once again, he was speechless. He could feel Ed's gaze on him. Then his love got up.

"Wait. What are you doing?" Brian asked, getting up as well. Ed looked at him. Sighing softly. "I should go home, Brian. You apparently think I am a psychopath, walking around murdering people."

"Wha… No!" to be honest, he did imply it. "I just wasn't sure about Piper. She seemed to be so sincere."

Ed snorted. "I told you she is a good liar." A pause followed. "And you obviously chose to believe her."

Brian cursed in his head. "No. I believe you!"

Ed stifled a laugh. "Oh, wow. After talking with seven people you finally decide to trust me. What a relief!"

Brian looked at him. "How do you know I talked with seven people?"

Ed looked at him. Looked at him for long seconds. "Do you know anything about loyalty, Brian? When someone comes around, flashes a badge and asks questions, they call me." His voice was cold like ice. Ed came closer to him while speaking until they stood face to face, only a few inches between them. Anger flared up in his voice. "I waited the entire day if you would say anything. If you would tell me by yourself. But you didn't. And when I finally ask you about it you look as if I found your biggest secret."

Brian gulped but held Ed's gaze. "So, you only came here today to get to know why I was asking questions?"

Ed grimaced. "You know that's a stupid question!" and turned away, but Brian stopped him by gripping his wrist. "Why did you come by?" he asked again.

Ed stared at him coldly. "I came here to get an answer, yes. But foremost I came to spend time with you." He basically spat at him. Brian looked at him. A second passed, then he pressed his lips on Ed's. Ed kissed him back. For a moment. Then he broke their kiss and backed away. "Don't you dare kiss me." He hissed. Brian could feel how his heart broke. Ed turned around, going to leave.

Brian stood there for a moment, hurrying after Ed as soon as he caught himself.

"Don't. Don't leave. Please!" he basically begged.

Ed, who had managed to get his shoes on, hesitated. Turned around. "Why should I? Why should I ever come back? You obviously don't trust me. I don't want to guard my back around the person I have a relationship with." His voice was cold.

Brian looked at him. Yeah. He had screwed up badly. He had… all he wanted… Ed turned around again, grabbing his coat, pulling it on. One moment more and he would leave him. Walk out of that door and out of his life.

"I love you."

Ed stopped in his movement. A sad smile appeared on his lips. It was gone when he turned around.

"You don't act as if." He hissed cold. "What should I think about all that, he? You bonding with the woman who tried to kill me. You going around and asking weird questions. And you of all people not telling me a single word." he paused. "Love means trust. You don't have that."

Brian staggered. What… what else… "I… I can call her… tell her to-" He stopped talking when he saw Ed's stare.

"You have her number?" Ed asked, sweet as death.

"I… yes… she called me from Russia. Said that everything was okay." He could see Ed's gaze. There was something dark in there. He approached him, backed him up against a wall and placed his arms on both sides of Brian, taking him any possibility of escape.

"Are you sure you want to be my boyfriend? Right now, I would rather consider you an enemy, after all, you conspire with such."

Brian looked at him. You could see fear in his eyes. Hopelessness. No word came over his lips.

"Well. You offered to call her. Would you mind telling her to never call you again? Would you mind, not sniffing through my affairs?"

Brian nodded. Ed took a step back, following his love and watching how he grabbed his phone. "No. Use mine. And turn on the speakers." He handed over his phone, watching how Brian dialed a number. "If I get the notion of you giving her a sign. Anything. You will wish I walked out of that door."

Brian gulped.

"Hello?" Piper Baird's voice filled the room.

"Hi, Piper. It's me. I eh…" he looked up at Ed who stared at him. Calm and calculating.

"Everything okay?" she asked, worried.

Brian gulped once again. He had made his decision. Ed. "I talked with Jane McHollow. She says she saw you stealing Morra's NZT. You had blood on you. She claim's it was after you murdered your boyfriend. Doesn't fit, you know?"

Piper was silent for a while. "Jane is a lying bitch. She would say anything."

Just as Brian had expected. She denied everything. "Didn't seem so to me. I was on NZT while I talked to her. I think I can figure out when someone is lying to me."

Silence followed. "Oh, really? So, you really want to continue to be Morra's bitch? I did re-engineer the enzyme. You could be free of him." She snapped at him.

Brian stared at Ed. He could feel a chill run down his spine. He answered without hesitation. "I doubt you have the enzyme. I'll rather be Morra's bitch and at least survive."

He could hear stifled laughter from the other end. "Good luck sucking his dick. Call me after he murdered your parents."

She hung up. Ed exhaled slowly, closing his eyes. Brian watched him. Had it been enough? Would he… not leave him?

Ed took his phone back, looking at Brian for a long moment. "I'll go for a walk. Think about everything. You'll wait here for me?" he asked, sneaking a bit of hope into his voice.

Brian simply nodded. Some moments later, Edward was gone. Out the door. Would he return?

Ed, after having brought a respectable distance between him and people who might listen, pulled his phone from his pocket. Unlocking it, he changed screens, tapping that other app which had been running the entire time. He was served with GPS coordinates of the receiver of his last call. He then typed in a number. Send Pipers image. Along with the coordinates. Then he called a different number. "There is this woman. I want her gone. Stage it as an accident. Or a suicide." And hung up.

Russia was a big country.

One could get lost.


	14. Chapter 14

Brian paced restlessly through his apartment. Ed would return, would he? His thoughts went in endless circles until he suddenly stopped. He just stood there, staring into nothingness.

Ed had let him call her from his phone. He had her number. She had the enzyme. One and one…

He grabbed his phone, called her. An eternity passed until she took his call.

“Hello?” he asked in a low voice.

“Hey.” Silence. Then he could hear a soft sigh. “I am sorry I snapped at you. But you mentioning Jane. Ugh. I think I went mad after that.” She sounded sad. So sincere once again. Silence followed.

“So… you didn’t kill your boyfriend?” he could hear laughter through his phone. “No. I loved him.”

Brian bit his lower lip. He hadn’t done that since he was a teenager. There was a thought in his mind. Was it possible… that both said the truth? Piper, normal Piper, wouldn’t ever have killed her boyfriend. She loved him. But NZT Piper was a different story. NZT Piper saw everything. All those connections. NZT Piper, the moment she had decided to betray Morra, knew, he would hunt her loved ones down. What if she killed her boyfriend? To protect him from greater pain. He stared blankly at his TV. The things we do for love. NZT Piper knew that Piper wouldn’t accept that story as true. So, she had… could someone on NZT forcefully forget something? Maybe she had done it during a blackout like Ed had suggested. Then her brain would take care of the rest.

He blinked the thought away. “Piper. You must leave wherever you are. Now.”

“Why?” she sounded surprised. Brian closed his eyes, sighing deeply. He felt his heart ache. 

“You remember the number I called you from earlier? Was his phone.” 

There was one second of eternal silence. The one moment she needed to process what he had just said. Then she screamed. In terror. “YOU DID WHAT?!” He could basically see how she jumped up and started to pack her stuff together. 

“Brian. You are on speakers. Why did you…?” 

Brian took his time not answering. He considered… but he was done with lying. For tonight at last. “I love him.” There was sudden silence on her end of the phone. He had shocked her that deeply, that she had stopped packing. “You do what? He is a psychopath, you know that, don’t you?” Brian chuckled. “Believe me, I know what he is. He just scared me to death. But. You know. If he isn’t mad he isn’t that bad at all. He is… actually kind of sweet.” And caring and lovely and hot. But he guessed she didn’t want to know that. Silence from her. A long silence. A dragging silence. 

“When? How?” Brian shrugged. Remembered that she couldn’t see him and went for speaking. “Doesn’t matter. Happened. You have to leave. And… don’t call me. Please. I took sides.” She was silent once again. Then she resumed packing. “He is using you, you know that? He just used you to get to me. I don’t think he loves you. Just playing a game.” Brian smiled sadly. Her words were so true. True in a way it hurt. Badly. “I know. I am not stupid, even though people tend to think that.” He sighed softly. “But you don’t know him. I think he loves me.” Silence. She didn’t know what to say to that. “Well. Good luck Brian.” A moment of silence. Then she giggled. “You actually suck his dick, don’t you?” Brian blushed deeply. “No.” Not yet. She could hear her burst into laughter. “Yeah, whatever. Thanks for warning me.” And with that, she hung up. Brian stared blankly at his phone. Then he sighed and let himself drop onto his couch. Now he had to wait. Ed…  


  


* * *

  


A ringing doorbell ripped him away from an uneasy sleep. He sat upright on his couch and looked around bewildered. What. When. How. He blinked. Doorbell. Getting up he opened his door. Waiting. It had to be Ed. Please.

His silent prayers had been answered when his love came to a stop in front of him. He wore a sad expression on his face. “I’m sorry.” And then Brian found himself in a loving embrace, pressed against his chest. Brian closed his eyes and started to relax, wrapping his arms around Ed in response. He could feel his fears disappear. His worries fall from his shoulders. It would be okay. A moment passed like that. Then he pulled his lover into his flat and closed the door behind them. They looked at each other for a long moment. Silence embraced them. It was Brian, who broke it.

“I am sorry I sneaked around behind your back. Won’t happen again. Without your knowledge.” He chuckled softly and sighed deeply after that. He could see a tiny smile on Ed’s lips. 

“I am sorry for threatening you. I…” but Brian interrupted him. “It’s okay. You scared me to death but I see why you did it. Just…” he hesitated a moment. He had thought about that while running around in circles earlier. “Just… let’s be honest to each other, okay?” He looked at Ed. Expectantly. A long moment passed. His love sighed softly.

“Okay.”

They looked at each other kind of embarrassed. Brian took it onto himself to open Ed’s coat, pull it off. Let it drop to the ground. A moment later, he hugged him. Buried his face in the crook of his neck. Inhaling his scent. He could feel Ed’s arms around himself. He felt secure. Like he always felt in his arms. Like he was meant to feel in his arms. A moment later Ed took a step back and slid to the ground, pulling Brian along. Brian ended on Ed’s lap, surrounded by his arms, pulled against his chest. Ed leaned himself against Brian’s door, his gaze resting on his lover. They had definitely selected the most comfortable place to cuddle while sitting.  
Minutes went by in silence. Brian had snuggled close, enjoying their closeness. This weird state of embarrassment, sadness and relief. Then he decided to test his lover.

“You will hunt Piper down.” It was stated as a fact. No question. It was a fact, after all. He could feel how the embrace, which held him, tightened for a brief second. He could hear Ed’s steady breathing. “Yes.”

Brian finally rose his gaze, looking at Ed. He looked calm. Determined. 

“I figured that out too. I called her. Gave her a fair warning. I told her to not call me again. I know whose side I’m standing on.”  
Ed looked at him for a long moment, then he smiled. It was a sad smile. 

“I think that’s why I fell for you. You care. For all.” He paused. “Even though I have to admit it’s annoying when you warn my enemies.” Brian chuckled softly, snuggling close once again. 

Silence passed. “Did you kill Becca’s father?” he once again rose his head, looking at Ed. His lover had closed his eyes. He frowned first. Then opened his eyes, looking at him. “Who?” he asked, looking at him puzzled. “Becca’s father. A year ago. When the streets were flooded with NZT.” 

He could feel Ed’s gaze on him. He looked at him for a few seconds, thinking. “No. I did buy every single pill of NZT I could get my hands on, but I didn’t kill anyone. As soon as NZT isn’t available anymore, people usually get killed over it. Like your friend Eli. Or they die to sudden side-effects because they can’t maintain the dose. Either way, no reason to dirty my hands.”

Brian looked at him for a long moment. He seemed to have said the truth. “Why did you think that long about an answer?” he teased him. “Who did you kill a year ago?” he asked mockingly. Ed broke their gaze, exhaled slowly. “Some people?”

Brian stared at him. Blinked. And shook his head. “You really are a psychopath walking around murdering people.” He was silent for a moment. Ed sighed softly. “I don’t enjoy it. You can at least cross the psychopath.” Brian frowned. “Then… why are you doing it?” Ed looked at him. Calm. “Necessities?” They stared at each other for a long moment. Brian sighed. Alright. Change the subject. 

“Why did your ex-employees call you anyway? Are they that scared of you?” Ed surprised him with a laugh. “Hell, no. I am an awesome employer. Fear goes a long way, but it’s useless in getting people on your side permanently. They… I don’t know. Think highly of me?” Brian looked at him, tilting his head. Something bothered him about that sentence. He just couldn’t figure what.

“You didn’t say it back.” Brian stated after a long while, pouting. Ed blinked, looking at him. A naughty grin appeared on his lips. “I’ll wait for a moment you expect it least. Wanna see your face.” Brian intensified his pouting. “How should I ever be sure you love me until then?” he asked mockingly. He wanted to hear it. Now. Ed looked at him intensely. He liked that look. It let to goosebumps. “Well…” Ed said slow, with a seductive tone underneath. “I can think of a way or two.” Brian felt the arm on his back move, press against him. 

Ed changed their position, supporting himself with his other arm. Brian found himself on his back, with Ed hovering above. His love closed the gap between them, pressing his lips on Brian’s. It was a soft and slow and loving kiss. Brian could feel his heart beat faster. He rose his hands, caressing Ed’s neck gently. Their kiss lasted forever. He wasn’t sure if he had ever been kissed like that. The kisses he knew were soft and gentle or passionate, but this…? While their kisses grew more passionate Brian couldn’t stop but wonder. How did his life lead to this moment? Him on his own floor, a man towering over him, them making out.  


  


* * *

  


Brian stared into his mirror. He looked terrible. He had slept one or maybe two hours. It felt more like five minutes. One moment he closed his eyes, the next he was kissed awake by Ed. He had taken a quick shower. Put clothes on. But he still looked terrible. And he looked fucked. Literally. The face of his lover appeared beside him in the mirror. 

“Why the hell do you look that charming?” he growled at him darkly.

He could see how Ed turned his face, looking at him. “Natural talent?” he answered mockingly, continuing to check his appearance.  
Brian frowned. They had had sex yesterday. In different locations. He knew make-up sex was great, but, hell, none he ever had could compare to what they did yesterday. He could feel warmth run through his body while he thought back. 

“You don’t look thoroughly fucked.” He whined while Ed resorted to nibbling on his neck. Brian watched him in the mirror. It was kind of hot to see his lover kiss him. Some moments went by until he could feel Ed suck on his skin. “Are you giving me a hickey?” he asked incredulously. Ed answered with something that sounded like “Mm mm.” while never letting go of his skin. He was giving him a hickey. He could stop him. But he didn’t want to. Instead, he watched how Ed finally let go of his skin and pressed a gentle kiss on his going to be love bite. Afterwards, he adjusted Brian’s shirt, hiding the mark in the process. A moment later he had his arms wrapped around Brian, pulling him back against his chest. Brian leaned into the hug and against his lover.

“You shouldn’t worry that much about your appearance.” Ed stated softly, pressing his face against Brian’s neck.

Brian rolled his eyes. “Oh yeah, you can say that.” 

“I am serious. Your apartment will give you away anyway.” Brian looked at him for a few long moments. His face went from ‘what are you talking about’ to pure horror in the span of a few seconds. Fuck. Of course. You could smell sex. And his bodyguards entering this place... He guessed he needed to get early to work today. Before anyone could pick him up. 

Ed smiled innocently while Brian's thoughts tackled other topics. He turned his lover around and engaged him in a passionate good-bye kiss. “See you on Wednesday?”


	15. Chapter 15

“Brian?” Becca peered into his bureau to see him packing his little backpack. What did he carry to work anyway? Not as if everything was provided here.

“Yeah?” he looked up, slinging his backpack onto his shoulder. Becca could see the usual NZT sparkle in his eyes. She wondered what he did after work with all the knowledge in the world.

“Are you in for a beer?” she asked softly. She wanted to ask him a thing or two.

But he smiled apologetically. “Nah. I have a date. I think. Not sure what he’s up to.” Ed had texted him GPS cords earlier, not explaining anything further. He had checked the coordinates. A public place in the city. Nothing fancy.

“Oh.” Becca exclaimed. What could she offer instead of a date? Nothing.

Brian saw her face, a small smile on his lips. “Well, I will walk to our meeting place. Do you wanna come along? We can talk on the way.”

Becca looked at him for a moment. She would get the chance to meet his boyfriend? As if she would ditch that opportunity. “Yeah, sure!”

  


* * *

  


On their way to wherever, Brian hadn’t told her where they went, she lowered her voice to barely audible. She knew that Brian would be able to understand her but others wouldn’t be able to hear her. Not that anyone would pay attention on the streets of New York City. Yet, you could never be sure who was listening.

“I tested Morra’s coat on you-know-what. You were right, it returned negative.” Brian glanced at her for a second. So, she had tested the coat like he had expected. He wondered what Morra did that him taking NZT wasn’t detectable within his blood. It made Brian curious. He wanted to have a blood sample and test it on his own.

“I told you that he isn’t on it.”

Becca simply sighed and rolled her eyes. “I thought you wanted to know.”

Silence passed between them for a moment. “Well… I wanted to ask you if you could help me investigate a little. I found a few people who know him from earlier. Before he became a senator. I’m wondering what they will say about him.”

Brian felt uneasy in his skin. He would need to tell Ed. It was part of their agreement of not hiding something from the other. And Becca investigating was definitely worth mentioning. “You think that that is a wise idea?” Becca was silent for a moment. “Of course not. That’s why I ask you to keep it secret.” Oh. Yay. Erm. Could you talk to someone else, please?

Brian stopped suddenly, staring intensely at her. “If this backfires it could cost you your career, you know that?”

Becca looked at him. “I know. But I have the feeling that Morra has something to do with my dad’s murder. That he hides something. Everything’s worth finding out the truth, Brian.” She sounded so determined. So focused. Brian looked at her. Morra hid enough things, he was sure of that.

“What if he didn’t kill your dad?” Becca was silent for a moment, pondering his question. “I would still investigate against him. My gut says he has something to do with NZT. And I want to stop that drug at all costs.” A pause. “No offense.”

Brian chuckled. And sighed in his head. Her gut was so damn right. “Fine. I’ll help you.” That way he could have an eye on her.

They resumed chit chatting for a while until Brian stopped. Taking his phone out he looked around. Yeah. Here. Becca understood and looked around. “Do you see him?” she was curious how the man looked like Brian fell for. She was curious what kind of person he was. What he did for a living. What… and then she frowned. She knew nothing about that man. She looked at Brian, saw how he scanned the people around them. They were standing at the base of some stairs leading up to a public place. Behind that malls. Tons of people were surrounding them. But nothing Brian couldn’t handle on NZT. In their back was a street. Cars driving by. Well. ‘Driving’. More stop and go-ing.

“Nope.” He answered after a moment. But he didn’t expect otherwise. Even if Ed would be up there, he would ignore them. They wouldn’t be public for a long while. Yet… why did Ed order him to this –

“Need a lift handsome?” it wasn’t Ed’s voice. Well, no. It didn’t sound like Ed’s voice but it was definitely his. The way he pronounced even those four tiny words. The soft up and downs. Turning around towards the street he saw a very familiar motorbike with a very familiar driver. His face hidden by his helmet. He had never realized that the windshield was opaque from the outside. Honestly, though, he hadn’t paid any attention.

Brian smiled amusedly. “I don’t know. Mom always said I shouldn’t go home with strangers.” He earned a laugh from Ed.

Becca, who had been distracted by the place’s noise, turned around the moment she heard Brian’s voice. And found a motorcycle rider. His lover rode a bike? She stared at his helmet. Opaque. Dammit. She really wanted to know who he was dating. And Brian’s boyfriend didn’t look like he was getting off that bike to introduce himself. He didn’t even take off his helmet. He just stood there, waiting for Brian to get on.

Brian looked at Becca, smiling elated. A motorcycle drive with his lover. Of course, just stop and go, but he was excited where he would take them. And kind-of snuggling close to him was always good. “Well, that’s he.” He chuckled. No. Obviously. But he kind of wanted to introduce the two of them.

“Hey.” Ed said in his different sounding voice while facing Becca. He altered it, didn’t he? Easy thing.

Becca smiled disappointed. “Hey. I’m Rebecca.” Brian’s friend extended his hand as a greeting. She had really hoped to see him. Maybe get to know him. A little bit. But instead, he only picked Brian up. She shook his gloved hand. His grip was firm. At least something.

“Have fun you two, huh?” she smiled at Brian, feeling oddly tricked.

Brian thanked Becca and hugged her a goodbye. After that, he unfasted the second helmet Ed had stored on his bike and pulled it on. A moment later he sat behind his lover, holding onto his hip with one hand. He rose his other hand to wave a bye to Becca. Ed did the same before he got them moving.

Becca stared at them. She needed to know who that man was, who had just picked Brian up. In front of her eyes. With her unable to do a thing.

  


* * *

  


Brian watched curiously where Ed was taking him. After far too long, like always within the city, they reached an underground garage. A private one, if judged by the guard who greeted Ed with a nod.

Inside, Ed aimed for his parking lot and turned his bike off. He waited until his love stood on the ground beside him, then got off himself, finally getting rid of his helmet. He took a deep breath, facing Brian with a smirk on his lips. Brian looked at him. “You are a bit risky today, hu?”

“Could be.” Ed answered before he crushed his lips against Brian’s. He pulled his love close with his one free hand. He could feel Brian’s helmet beat against his leg.

Brian’s heart nearly stopped when he felt Ed’s lips on his. Here. In public. But he eagerly kissed back. Being pulled against his lover he could feel a chill run down his spine. He had nothing against it when Ed deepened their kiss, turned it from gentle to hot and passionate. Their tongues danced with each other. Their kiss was filled with so much desire. So much longing. He felt hot and fuzzy when they broke apart. He could feel Ed’s breath on his lips. He could see a soft sparkle in his eyes. So much love within his gaze. And amusement. His heart was racing. For a moment he felt like a teenager who had just received his first kiss.

“Risky enough for you?” Ed teased him gently. Then he pulled him towards an elevator. Brian followed his mind a bit foggy. He didn’t really pay attention. He was replaying their kiss in his mind, over and over again. So, it took him by surprise when he felt Ed’s lips on his again. A moment later he was pressed against the cool steel of the elevator. His wrists pressed against the steel above his head. Their fingers intertwined, their bodies pressed against each other. He could feel Ed grind himself against him. And all the while they were passionately kissing, stroking and nudging each other’s tongues as if there would be no tomorrow.

Suddenly, Ed broke away and brought a bit of distance between them. He leaned casually beside Brian. The younger one blinked before he realized why his love had parted. The elevator had come to a stop, seemingly not where Ed wanted to go. A second later the door opened and an elderly lady looked at them. “Oh, hey. You go up, Mister Morra?” she asked, looking at his love.

Ed flashed his charming smile. “Yeah. I’ll send the elevator back down.” She nodded and the doors closed again. Leading to a laughing Ed. Brian looked at him for a moment, then he joined in. They had been so close to being caught. Brian had to admit he liked that feeling, the adrenaline rushing through his body. His heart still pounding. Warmth roaming through his veins. He shivered with excitement.

Ed pulled him out of the elevator, sending it back down like he had promised. They walked along a corridor, passing a few apartment doors.

“So. Your place?” Brian asked casually. He guessed so. He did pay attention while getting here. They were in an apartment complex in one of the wealthier districts of the city.

“Yeah.” Ed answered, fishing his keys out of his pocket.

Entering Ed’s apartment, he waited for his lover, who headed straight to the pin pad close to the door to deactivate his alarm system. Moments later, Ed was by his side, smiling gently.

“Welcome.” Ed pressed a fast peck onto his cheek, got rid of his shoes and walked into his flat. Brian looked at him, a warm smile on his lips. He hadn’t really thought Ed would ever take him here. They had been at hotel rooms in the beginning, then made it to his own apartment. But going to Ed’s? Not even discussed once. Getting rid of his own shoes he followed his lover into his place eagerly, wondering what the apartment would tell him about its owner.

After leaving the initial corridor he entered the living room. He stopped and looked around.

He stood there for a few moments, taking in what he saw. It was all tidy and clean. He knew his love was a maniac with a passion for order. To his right was an open kitchen. All made of stainless steel, as far he could judge. The living room looked comfortable. A big couch, a little desk in front of that. Some armchairs. The obligatory TV. Plants. And a damn panorama window, allowing a good view onto the city. Brian took a step closer, looking onto Ed’s terrace. It was actually a balcony, but it was too big to deserve that title. Brian looked outside for a moment, then he turned around, taking in the place surrounding him. The walls were all white, yet the place seemed oddly warm, thanks to a dark wooden floor. And, finally, Brian let his eyes rest on some stairs leading to a second floor.

Ed walked by, snapping the borrowed helmet from him and looked at him. “Wanna have a look around?”

Brian looked at him curiously, nodding silently and followed.

Upstairs the wooden floor was exchanged by an unbelievable soft carpet. Brian stopped the moment he felt it below his feet. “Do you have anything against me wanting to sleep on your carpet?”

He could hear Ed’s laughter as response. “You should try the bed prior.”

Brian was guided through Ed’s guest room, saw a glimpse of his (huge) bath and finally entered his love’s bedroom. It was astonishing simplistic in comparison to everything else. Really, just a bed, bedside tables. Above a shelve with a few framed photographs. The wall behind the bed was covered with wood. A few paintings on the remaining walls. Again, a good look on the city, but this time through normal windows. Oh. And a walk-in wardrobe.

Ed disappeared into that very same wardrobe, storing his helmets away.

Meanwhile, Brian examined the photographs. One surly showed Ed with his parents. The other one though… it featured him in his current age, sitting beside a man in his mid-thirties. Both smiling.

“Who is that?” Brian asked as soon as Ed left his wardrobe.

“A friend.”

Brian turned around, trying to look astonished and looked at Ed. “You have friends?” he asked, his voice dripping with both, irony and amusement.

A soft grin appeared on Ed’s lips. “Surprisingly… yes.” A pause “That’s James. We’ve been friends since college.”

A moment later Brian lay on Ed’s king size bed. He sighed softly, closing his eyes. It was so damn comfortable. Soft and yet firm. Just perfect.

“I will never leave.”

He could hear Ed’s chuckle. The mattress shifted ever so slightly. His lover’s lips on his, soft and warm and gentle. Ed’s hand cupping his face, gently caressing his cheek with his thumb. A long and loving kiss followed, which eventually turned into something else.

After they broke apart Ed rolled onto his back, resting beside Brian. “Mm…” he emitted slowly. He could feel goosebumps all over his body.

“I think I can live with you never leaving.” Brian chuckled gently.

A moment passed. “I’ll change into something more comfortable. Dinner after that?” Ed suggested while sitting up again, Brian doing the same. The younger one watched his lover changing outfits. Enjoying a good view on Ed’s muscular body he considered wanting dessert first. Instead, he got back onto his feet, asking if he could get sweatpants too. Dinner sounded good, after all.

On their way back down, he stopped in front of the only room Ed hadn’t shown.

“What’s in there? Your biggest secrets?”

Ed, who had walked in front of Brian, came to a stop and turned around. “Nah. Just tons of files. It’s my office if I decide to work from here.” Ed opened the door and let Brian gaze into the room. Like he had said. A quite big room with a window for some light. Everything except the window was covered with shelves containing folders. A big wooden table. A comfortable chair. Drawers.

“You do have a ton of paperwork.” Brian stated calmly.

Ed chuckled. “Just personal stuff. Financial records. Some proposals for my R&D facilities. And the like.”

Brian looked into the room for another moment, wondering what exactly was stored in there. Most likely nothing which could get his love in troubles. He was too smart for that.

Cooking together wasn’t all that boring than cooking alone, Brian had to admit. They were exchanging kisses and hugs and mocking comments all the while, taking their time until dinner was finally eatable. They had made chicken salad. And they annihilated the chicken salad. Brian hadn’t even realized how damn hungry he was.

While they made dinner and ate night had fallen. While Ed was taking care of the dishes Brian stood up, coming to a stop in front of the panorama window. He stared at the city. Millions of sparkling lights surrounded by dark concrete. A moment passed, then Brian stepped outside onto Ed’s balcony-terrace thing. He could feel the cold stone below his feet, the chill of night on his skin, a cold wind blowing through him. He shivered and embraced himself to keep warm. The view was worth getting a bit cold.

Ed’s arms wrapped around him from behind and pulled him back against a warm chest. He welcomed the warmth and leaned in against him, felling Ed’s hands coming to a rest around his waist, stroking him casually. Minutes went by in utter silence, both of them enjoying each other’s closeness and the view on the city.

Brian finally turned around, never breaking Ed’s embrace. Ed’s hands rested on his lower back, continuing to stroke him. A moment of silence passed. They looked into each other’s eyes. If Brian could, he would want to preserve the moment for all time. He felt completely free for the first time in… his entire life?

He hadn’t realized how much pressure he had put on himself and them with his distrust of his lover because of Piper. He realized it now though when it was gone. He felt kind of liberated. All he could feel was pure love and happiness, accompanied by the cold of the night and Ed’s warm body against his. He leaned in for a gentle kiss, feeling how Ed’s hands left his lower back to caress the whole of his back with gentle touches. After they broke apart Brian stayed close, only a few inches between him and Ed. He could feel Ed’s warm breath against his lips, caressing his face.

“I love you.” He whispered. It felt a thousand times better than last time. He could see how a smile appeared on his lover’s face. Ed leaned in and kissed him gently. Brian savored the kiss. It was soft and short and fitted the moment. When Ed broke away Brian saw something in his eyes. For a moment he thought he would say it back. But he didn’t.

“Becca will investigate against you.” Brian’s voice was low. He looked at Ed’s chest, not wanting to look into his eyes. After all, he was betraying a friend. He could hear Ed’s voice. “Will she?” he sounded curious. There was no worry at all. “Yeah. No. Nothing official. I’ll help her.” A moment passed between them. Then he felt Ed’s fingers below his chin, forcing his head upwards and into a kiss. “Thank you.” His lover whispered into his ear. Brian shivered. “No need. We agreed on it.” 

After all, a deal was a deal.


	16. Chapter 16

Becca entered Brian's 'office' after her official work was done. She had found a new person who they could interview. Until now, she had only found out what they already knew about Edward. Partying during college, struggling to find a job, struggling as a writer after he got a contract. Struggling at everything, basically. But then, all of a sudden, he flipped his life around and was… what had his mother said? Reborn? That sounded like NZT.

Brian stared at his laptop screen, not reacting when she entered his bureau. She sneaked behind him and took a look on his screen. He was staring at a close-up picture of Edward Morra. An especially good photo of his eyes.

"God, I think I fall in love." He said out loud.

Becca frowned. "What please?"

Brian ripped his eyes away from his screen, smiling amused. "I mean. Those deep blue eyes. Damn…"

Becca, still frowning, looked closer. That man did have marvelous eyes. That color… she ripped her eyes away.

"What did you learn?"

Brian finally turned around, facing her. "I looked through I-don't-wanna-know-how-many hours of video material of Morra. At public events, charity events, interviews, his campaign when he was running for senator for the first time. Everything I could get my hands on. You wanna know what I never see? The sparkle of NZT in his eyes."

He did lie at this point to protect his lover. He had seen the well-known sparkle during the first few weeks when Morra was running for senator. But they were only two or three pictures. They could be found and altered. Every picture since he was senator was clean. He did wonder how Edward did that, after all, he was using the drug.

Becca simply groaned and was silent for a few moments. "How long does your NZT last?"

"Not long. Gonna run out any minute now. I guess I won't be of any help today."

"Damn! I really wanted…" she stopped herself. "Well. A beer then?" She could see Brian thinking.

"As long as you don't mind having to repeat your sentences a few times." He mocked himself and got up, packing his stuff into his backpack.

At Becca's place, he sat down on her couch and waited for his beer. Becca joined him some moments later, offering him his wanted drink.

They remained silent for a few minutes, taking sips from their bottles and letting the day fall off of them.

"How is it working with your man?" Becca broke the silence, looking at Brian curiously. Maybe she got him to talk about his lover when he was tipsy and his NZT was fading. After all, he couldn't concentrate that good. Might be he slipped a piece of information.

"Good, I think. I was at his place a few times now. It's awesome, really. And the view he has…" Brian went on babbling for a while.

Becca smiled silently. So, his boyfriend had money, hadn't he? She had already guessed so after seeing his bike and his gear, but… now she knew.

"Did he ever buy you something fancy?" she asked curiously, trying to find out if his lover went for extravagant gifts.

Brian frowned. Did Ed ever buy something for him? Something expensive?

That glass of Macallan had been expensive.

That restaurant date too, he guessed.

But after that?

"No, not really." He stated after pondering her question.

Becca 'hmm'd and put a smile on her face. "You could ask. He has money, hasn't he?" she was curious what would happen.

But Brian only rose an eyebrow and shrugged. He didn't seem to be interested in that topic. He simply took a sip from his beer and looked at her.

They talked back and forth for a while, Brian elegantly avoiding any topic that asked too specific questions about his lover. Like, what he did for a living. Where he lived. His name, for the sake of grace.

Finally, Becca sighed. "Why don't you want to talk about him?"

Brian looked at her. There was an odd calmness in his eyes. "Oh, I want to. Just not those specifics you seem to care about so much."

Becca looked at him, a bit annoyed. "Well, those specifics are important if you want to make it official. You can't go on dating someone if you do not fill out this HR form. We have rules at the FBI."

Brian remained silent for a moment, just looking at her. Becca sighed.

"I… just don't want you to get into troubles, you know?" well, that was partly true. And she simply wanted to know. Curiosity wasn't always that good. It drove her nuts.

"I think I can handle myself, Becca" Brian responded softly. "And we won't make it official."

She looked at him surprised. A few moments of silence went by until she emitted a low "Oh."

"May I ask why?"

Brian remained silent for a few moments. He wanted to tell her… something. Not the truth, obviously, but a part of it. His ringing phone ripped him out of his thoughts. Pulling his phone from his pocket he looked at the calling number. Ed. Looking up at Becca he smiled. "Excuse me for a moment?"

He got up and brought a bit of distance between her and him. He could feel her gaze on him. It made him uncomfortable.

"Hey." He finally answered his phone. "How are you?"

"Quite fine. And you?"

Brian remained silent for a moment. He could hear he was on speakers. Ed's voice was a bit distant. "I'm fine. What are you doing?" he asked curiously.

"Getting rid of my clothes. Just got back to the hotel."

"Wish I could see you." Brian responded longingly.

He could hear Ed chuckle. "You would only start drooling. Poor phone of yours." He added mockingly.

"Pff." Was Brian's very adult response. A moment of silence passed. "When are you coming back?" Ed was gone for a week by now.

"I don't know yet. Two or three weeks. Depends on how things work out."

How things worked out… "Well, how is Perth?" he tried to change the subject, getting his thought off thinking how long he wouldn't see his lover.

"Rainy." Was Ed's sarcastic answer.

Brian groaned. "Send me pictures, dumbass."

Brian looked at Becca for a moment, who was still watching him. He wondered what she was making of this conversation.

They continued talking for a few moments until Ed had to end the call.

Brian sat down beside his friend and flashed an apologetically smile. "Sorry. Just…"

She nodded, stopping him from talking further. "You have a very loving way of talking with one another." She stated sarcastically. Brian smiled amusedly. "Yeah…"

"So… where is he?" she asked, curious once again.

"In Australia. Looking into a possible investment." Brian responded without hesitation. And he could possibly stay an entire month away. That was far too long for his liking.

Becca tilted her head. "You are odd, you know? Won't tell me his name but tell me he's in Australia. I could check all flights of the last few weeks. Or go around and find out the names of entrepreneurs currently abroad."

Brian smiled softly, not saying a word. Silence came and went.

But Becca had counted one and one together. "So… you don't make it official because he could get into troubles? Losing business partners and the like." There were some damn conservative companies out there.

Brian looked at her for a moment. "Yes and no. We talked about it. It's fine for the moment."

She rose an eyebrow. 'Fine'? Brian hid something that bothered him. Really. There had been something in his voice. And now that she realized that, she had to know it. She guessed she was quite obsessive. But you couldn't change some things…

After hours of talking and a few more beers, she finally got to know.

Brian looked at her after she had asked him for the hundredth time if everything was okay. And then burst into tears. "I told him I love him. He didn't say it back."

The next morning Brian simply groaned and turned around on the couch he was sleeping on. He felt as if his head had been crushed by a sledgehammer. He had the worst headaches he ever had in his life. As if a red, searing pain had swallowed and puked him back up again. He could feel his heartbeat in his head. Whenever blood was pumped in again, a pulse of pain shot through his body. Combining too much alcohol with fading NZT was obviously the worst idea he had had for a long while.

He could hear someone stomp through the room he was in. With every footstep, he twitched. God, that was SO loud!

"Briiaaannn!" Was that Becca's voice? Too loud again. As if she was screaming at him. He was turned around roughly. "Time for…" she finally stopped talking when she saw him. He looked at her out of tiny eyes.

"I. Sleep." He somehow got together, turning around again and tried to bury his head in her couch. He at least hid it under a pillow. Not good, but a start.

After a moment the stomping started again. Damn it, couldn't that woman walk SILENT? Then she rummaged through her apartment. What the heck was she doing? But he didn't bother moving. A soft pillow against his hurting head was quite comfortable. And a tiny barrier of feathery silence between him and that thunderstorm of noises.

That thunderstorm came back towards him though. He could hear her stomps. Then glass hit glass. The sound made him flinch. A moment of heavenly silence.

"I put an aspirin and water here for you. Drink much. Take a shower." Yes, Mom. "I'll take care of the rest."

After another especially loud minutes, she was gone. And the heavenly silence was back.

Brian remained in his position for a few minutes. Maybe hours, he couldn't tell. Finally, he turned around and started at the low glass table in front of him. Becca had placed a bottle of water, a cup and an aspirin on it. He reached for the water first, gulping half the bottle down without thinking much. After that he stopped himself and took the aspirin, snuggling back and closing his eyes. Waiting for the aspirin to kick in.

With dwindling headaches nausea joined the club. An instant later Brian was – more or less – on his legs, stumbled through the apartment, ripped open the door to her bath, and spilled the contents of his belly into her toilet.

Hours later, during early afternoon, Becca returned from work. She was happy when she found Brian snoring on her couch. For a moment she wondered if his lover at any problems with that. Personally, she disliked always snoring lovers. Stole her sleep. Resulting in them sleeping apart. Which was stupid to begin with.

While walking towards Brian, her eyes fell on his phone. It rested on her couch. He had most likely hold it before he fell asleep. Then it slipped from his hand. She walked closer, picking it up. The screen hadn't locked. One eternal moment. Good and bad fighting within her head. Voices clashing. Principles. Honor. You didn't look into a friend's phone. Then she hit contacts. She wasn't sure what she was looking for. A name? No… she opened his call history. And found his last incoming call. Yesterday night. A moment later she had her phone in her other hand, copying that number. She locked both phones, let her's disappear in her pocket, placed Brian's on her table, and woke him up.

"Hey, Brian!" she shook him by his shoulder.

Some moments later he opened his eyes, looking at her. Sleepy, but well. In comparison to earlier.

"Oh." He sat up, stretching. "I'm sorry I fell asleep. Wanted to go home."

She smiled softly, feeling guilt well up inside her. Suppress it, girl!

"That's okay! Wanna meet someone we can talk with."


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for all the Kudos and my first comment! I appreciate any and all feedback :)  
> I promise I'll keep going. I love this story... and I think you can see that.
> 
> Have a good read!

Brian stared out of the window, watched the moving landscape. Becca had managed to get some NZT for him, so he was watching all those wonderous details he would usually miss. The way trees would move in the wind. All those leaves moving as one. He watched falling raindrops. How they hit the windshield, broke into smaller versions of itself and painted patterns across the glass.

“Soo…” Becca broke the comfortable silence. They hadn’t spoken since they sat within her car. She was driving somewhere. To meet a person they could talk with about Edward Morra. “Yesterday. This ‘I love you’ thing…”

Brian sighed softly. “I am sorry about yesterday. Always get emotional when I am drunk.”

“But it does bother you.” She insisted, not letting the topic drop.

Brian sighed again. “He is showing me his love through his actions.”

Becca chuckled. “Don’t try to protect him, buddy. You don’t want to see it, you want to hear it. How long are you two together?”

“Three months, nineteen days and twenty-two hours.”

Brian could see her frown. “Thought you would add minutes and seconds too. But very interesting you met at 7 p.m.” she paused for a moment. “You two did have sex?”

This time Brian frowned and looked at her. “Do I like where this conversation is heading?”

Becca chuckled as response. “Just want to grasp your situation. So…? Your answer?”

“Yes.”

“More than once?”

“Yes.”

“How often do you spend time together? Three months aren’t that long if you see each other once a week.”

“Varies. Sometimes multiple days a week, sometimes only the weekend, sometimes never during a week because he can’t find the time.”

“Hmm..”

Becca was silent for a while, thinking about the information she had just received.

“When did you say it for the first time?”

Brian grimaced. “During our first fight.”

Silence. “What happened after you said it?”

He inhaled deeply, closing his eyes. “He didn’t walk out of my apartment?”

“Oh.” She hadn’t known that they had such an intense fight. She looked at Brian for a second, her eyes focusing on the street afterward. “Have you solved the problem you fought over?”

“Well. Yeah. Kind of.”

“Did you say it again since then?”

“Yeah. It was a really good situation, I think. It felt better than the first time for sure. He kissed me as response.”

Becca was silent for a while, concentrating on the street and thinking.

“Well… multiple things. I would remember him that you still wait for an answer. Once in a while. Don’t annoy him for sure. I do have the feeling you two are happy. I think it’s just a question of time. Some people just need a while to say it, I wouldn’t freak out because of it. And… ehm…” she paused. How should she say that? “He seems to be…” she hesitated. Was there a good way to say that? “the controlling type? You only meet when he has time, and all.”

Brian sighed softly. “I think that’s what you get when you hook up with someone that busy.” But he made a mental note to ask for their next date. Becca was right, after all. His lover was in charge of… everything? Kind of. “I have to admit I am partly to blame. I let him take charge when we started dating. Was very shy about everything. If he hadn’t asked me out we wouldn’t have met at all.” He could hear himself chuckle.

 

Some thirty minutes later they arrived at a nice little house, with porch and garden. Brian took the view in the moment he was out of the car. Who were they going to ‘interview’ this time? Becca hadn’t told him and he hadn’t asked.

After Becca had rung the doorbell she pulled her badge from her pocket, waiting calmly. Brian looked around. A nice neighborhood. Where… but then the door opened, he turned his face to see who they were seeing and nearly froze in place. From one second to the other he felt a cold shiver run down his spine. That was…

“James Hareth?” he could hear Becca’s voice. It sounded a bit foggy to him. Like from far away.

James. That James.

“Yeah?” he asked, looking from Becca to Brian and back again.

“I am Rebecca Harris, this is Brian Finch. We are from the FBI. We would like to ask you some questions.”

His gaze remained on her. Frowning lightly. “About what?”

“Edward Morra.”

James was silent for a few moments. His gaze went back to Brian. He knew who he was. Or he guessed it, at least.

“Okay…” James answered slowly, letting the two of them in.

They ended in his living room. He offered them the couch and sat down in an armchair across. Looking at them curiously. Brian meanwhile scanned the room. Warm atmosphere. Family pictures. Some toys laying around.

“What do you want to know?” James finally asked.

Becca smiled. Her ‘basic’ questions followed. When had they met? How had Morra been back then? Did he notice a change before he was running for senator? Had there been odd behavior? And, last but not least, if they were still having contact?

“Yeah, more or less. We phone once every few weeks. See each other less. Something around that.” Becca nodded. “Did anything special happen in his life? Is he weird sometimes?”

James gaze flipped to Brian for a single second. “I would say he is always weird. Part of being a politician.” He chuckled softly at his own bad joke. “What do you mean by special?”

“Anything worth mentioning.” Becca smiled softly. Did she try to relax him? Calm him down?

James looked at her for a few long moments. “Nope. Nothing worth mentioning.”

Some more meaningless questions later Becca excused herself and left for the toilet after having received directions where to go. Now was Brian’s turn. Ask some weird questions, get the person to talk. Trick them, from time to time. He was good in that. Talking.

This time James started though. He had lowered his voice to a whisper. “You are. Brian Finch? Like, THE Brian Finch?” he looked at him for a moment. Brian rose his eyebrow.

“Yeah? Didn’t he show you a photo or something?”

James laughed embarrassed. “Some time ago. But I am not good remembering faces. Never was. Your name rang a bell.”

“Since when do you know?”

James looked thoughtful for a moment. “A month ago. More or less. He was all excited. Haven’t seen him like that in a long while.”

Brian chuckled. “How does an exited Ed look like, please?”

James looked dead serious. “Oh, you know. Like usual. With that excited glimmer in his eyes.” A second passed until both of them started laughing.

“Sooo…” Brian stated after calming down. “Back to business, James. What do you know, eh? His biggest secrets?”

James snorted. “As if. He doesn’t tell me the good stuff because of people like you. Coming by and asking weird questions.”

“But you know about me.”

“True.”

A moment passed, both staring at each other.

“Does he know about this?” Brian nodded as response. A soft little smile on his lips.

His phone vibrated. Brian hesitated a moment, then shrugged mentally and took it out, reading the message. Ed asked him if he had time this night.

James saw his expression. “How is Perth?”

Brian chuckled. “Rainy.”

“Didn’t expect anything else from Scotland.”

Brian rose his gaze. James knew much. “Do you know what he does there?”

“Hell no.” there was something in his eyes. Amusement. “Are you sure?” Brian dropped his voice to a dangerous whisper. But James only smiled. “I see why he likes you. You two fit.”

Brian looked at him. “We two fit?” he repeated.

“Yeah. You’ll do whatever it takes to get your information. You just threatened a father of two. I think it’s part of NZT. Not caring about anything but yourself. I was on it a year ago. I remember how it feels. Eddie got me off. I’m still grateful for it. Was going to leave the love of my life and my two sunshines over some ass crazy idea.”

Brian was silent for a moment, looking at that man in front of him. “How much did he change?”

James looked a bit surprised. “Eddie? He’s barely the same person. There are some traits left. He’s still kind, as odd as it is. And he can still love, which I consider even odder.”

Brian frowned. “He’s kind?”

James looked puzzled. “Yeah. He’s funding that children hospital in Africa. Didn’t you know?”

Brian suppressed a blink. No, he didn’t know. But James didn’t need to know that. “Of course, I did.”

They were silent for a moment. Just staring at each other.

Brian knew what this little staring contest was about. Who knew more about Edward Morra. And sadly, he had to admit that James currently won. He needed to talk more with his love about his life and cuddle less. Well… cuddle less… He would rather go with cuddle and talk. Even though he was sure he wouldn’t use his lips for talking when his love finally returned. In two or three weeks. Damn it.

All the while he calmly stared at James. Finally, someone who really knew something. Talking with Ed’s parents and childhood and college friends had surely been interesting. But nothing more. James though.

“Do you know what he’s planning? Like, for the long run? After he is president.”

James looked at him for a long moment, tilting his head. “Do you guys even talk?” Brian inhaled, opening his mouth to answer something dirty, but James interrupted him before he could say a single word. “Gosh! NO! Don’t tell me.” He shook himself.

A moment passed.

“Back then… he told me he realized what he has to do. Writing wasn’t the thing. It was something else. He needed money for it, which he got. He needs political influence for it, which he is still working on. He never told me about his enlightenment. What it was.”

James looked at Brian. Calm and careful. “You should ask that. Maybe you’ll learn a thing or two. I don’t want to know, though. Some knowledge is dangerous. I guess whatever you’ll learn will be just that.” He smiled evasively and looked down at his table.

“I know very well, who Eddie Morra is.” James looked up, gifting Rebecca a sly smile. She was just entering the living room again.

“You two shouldn’t get caught up in his affairs. Could be you don’t wake up the next morning.”

Brian looked up at Becca, who frowned. “When you know who he is, why not help us turn him down? Why not get him into jail? We could guarantee your safety.”

James stood up slowly. He looked curious. But cold. So very cold. “You cannot, by all means, guarantee my safety. You can’t guarantee your own safety to begin with. If I were you, Rebecca Harris, I would stop to look into him. Whatever you’ll find will only get you in trouble. If you find anything at all.”

Brian saw a smile appear on Becca’s face. And for the first time, he asked himself, if she was sane.

“So, you know things? I could take you into custody. Until you talk to us.”

James only smiled, completely ignoring her threat. “Because of what? That I let you into my house? That I talked to you? Cute.”

Brian finally got up, interrupting both maniacs within that room. “We do thank you for your cooperation, Mister Hareth. Rebecca. We will leave. Now.”

He basically dragged her from James’ house, thanking that man once again.

As soon as they were from sight she snapped at him. “WHAT was that? He knew something. He is important. We could have nailed Morra!”

Brian shook his head, sadness in his eyes. “He knows stuff, yes. He knows much. But he knows nothing which could get Morra into troubles. He would never testify against that man, even if you dragged him to court. He would just sit there with his lawyer and be silent. Didn’t you pay attention? He has a family to lose.”

Becca stared at him for a moment, suddenly all silent. “And for the sake of god, didn’t you listen? He just threatened us. I guess Morra knows already that we were here.”

There was something weird in Becca’s eyes. It was… “Good. Next time we go and talk with him.” …madness?


	18. Chapter 18

"We DON'T talk with him!" Brian nearly screamed at her. Becca only stared at him, indifferent. "Fine, you don't care about yourself, but I have a life I would like to keep and a family to lose. And I have a fucking lover, who would surely disappear as well. Thank you very much, Rebecca."

Becca finally let her head drop, her gaze hitting the street below her feet. Her voice was tiny when she used it. "I'm sorry. I… I got carried away." She rose her gaze again, staring at James house. "It's the first time we could actually learn something. All those other interviews were just walking in circles and circles again. We never learned anything important. Anything we could use. But here…"

She sighed longingly. So close. So far away. Then she blinked. "Your lover. Couldn't he help us? He is an entrepreneur, isn't he? He can surely figure something out. Maybe pay someone to find something. Or maybe he even knows Morra. Can talk with him." There was this crazy excitement again.

Brian sighed. He guessed his lover knew a thing or two about Eddie Morra. And he guessed he would even help Becca. Let her chase her own tail. For amusement, so to speak.

"Don't. Ever. Drag him into this." He looked at Becca. Intensely. His words were sharp like daggers. He could see her flinch.

  


* * *

  


Becca, after having Brian dropped off at his place, paced restlessly through her flat. She had been so damn close. For the first time, they could have actually gotten useful information. James seemed to know a thing or two, whatever Brian claimed. He hadn't told her what he had learned while talking alone with James.

He had only stared out of the window the entire drive and not said a word.

Not even a thanks after she dropped him off.

Was he really afraid of Morra? Brian always seemed (kind of) carefree while on NZT. As if nothing could ever harm him. He would see it coming from miles away and take precautions if necessary.

They could have gotten their hands on useful information.

But Brian was afraid.

Of what?

She frowned. He had said he had a family to lose. And a lover. Who would surely disappear as well.

Who would…

She groaned. Brian knew something.

And wouldn't tell her.

What stopped him from telling her? Well, he had said that. His family and his lover.

If she could protect his family? Maybe get them into the witness protection programme. Give them new names, a new identity, a new life. But for what? You needed a very good reason to get into this programme.

Brian would be able to figure something out. For a moment she was annoyed how much she depended on him.

How to get him to work with her…?

His lover… when he was important, what she guessed, Morra would most likely not be able to get rid of him silently. Hence, maybe he wouldn't do it. Blackmail that poor man to death, but, not, well, kill him.

She came to a stop.

Information to nail Morra.

What was it worth?

Everything.

She could not ask Brian.

He was too afraid. He wouldn't help her. She slowly took her phone and selected that number. That number she had copied from Brian's phone. That number which belonged to his lover. He could convince Brian. If no one could, he would be able to.

She had wanted that number to get something to know about him. Ping his phone. Get to know where he was and where he lived and what he worked. A phone was your daily companion. You could learn close to everything about its owner through it. But now… she would ask him for something else. A huge favor.

Like in a dream, she hit his contact, saw how the calling sign appeared and rose her phone to her ear.

  


* * *

  


About 3200 miles east Edward Morra frowned. Who the heck was calling him at 1 in the morning? Well, except for the video call he currently had with his lover. Brian saw his frown.

"What's wrong?" he could hear Brian's voice. Ed rose a bit, grabbed his phone and let himself drop back onto his bed, staring at the number. A moment later he muted the call and placed his phone beside him, looking back at Brian's face.

"Nothing, I assume."

He could see Brian grin. "You don't take calls from numbers you don't know?" he obviously mocked him. That annoyingly teasing NZT Brian again. He wished his lover was here. He would kiss that damnable grin from his face.

"Not on that number." Ed answered casually, earning an "Oh." as response. A moment later Brian was gone from his vision. He could hear him rummaging through his apartment. He received a call again. From a different number.

"Seriously?" he asked while picking up the call. "Are you calling me to make a point?" he asked into his phone.

Brian re-appeared in front of his laptop, a phone pressed against his ear and a huge grin on his face.

"Yep." He said cheerily. The time-difference between hearing Brian and seeing Brian say it on the video stream was utterly weird. For a brief second, he wondered how people could have conversations through lagging video streams. Yet again, while using the stream itself, the lag didn't seem to occur to the person using it. Perception was everything.

"You know." Brian waited until he could hear his own voice through Ed's tablet. "That's funny!"

A moment later he burst into laughter. Ed watched him for a few moments, how his Brian leaned back against his couch, eyes closed, laughing with all his heart. He looked beautiful in that moment.

Ed finally joined in in his lover's laughter. He couldn't watch him and not start laughing.

After both of them had calmed down Ed sighed softly, saying goodbye to his lover on phone and ending the call. He placed his phone beside him once again, snuggled into his pillow and adjusted his tablet to have a good view on Brian. And let Brian have a good view on him.

His lover sighed longingly. "You look comfortable. I wanna be there."

Ed smiled softly, love shining in his eyes. "Wish you were."

A moment passed. Both just looking at each other. There was this atmosphere again. Brian would remind him that he hadn't said those three words back. He knew he loved Brian. He could say it. At any time. Except for…

His ringing phone broke their cuddly long distance moment, saving Ed from embarrassing silence after Brian would have said 'I love you' for the third time.

He picked up his phone. Its display was visible for Brian for a moment, before he turned his phone around, groaning lowly. That number again.

"Show me your display again, please." Brian's words surprised him. Ed did as he was told.

And he could see his lover's face darken. "That bitch looked into my phone."

Ed looked at him for a moment. That bitch?

Brian looked something between annoyed and furious. "I slept on her couch today. Shouldn't do that ever again."

Becca… "What does she want from me?" Ed looked at his phone, suddenly really curious. Brian stared at him darkly. And then there was a spark in his eyes.

"Could you take the call and put her on speakers? I'll mute myself and listen."

Ed's gaze rested on Brian for a moment. He seemed to be really pissed. A moment later a tiny smile appeared on Ed's face.

He answered the call, put her on speakers like requested and altered his voice. He used the voice he had used when picking Brian up. Consistency and all. And she could obviously not hear his real voice.

"Hello?"

There was a moment of silence. He could see Brian, his handsome face wearing a deep frown. And an angry expression in his eyes.

"Hey. I'm Rebecca. Brian's friend, remember?"

"Yeah, of course."

Embarrassing silence.

"How is Perth?" did she really try to do small talk? Cute.

"Well, as expected. Really warm." After all, she thought he was in Australia. Better keep it that way.

"Well… uhm…" he could hear how she tried to tackle the reason for calling but didn't dare to.

"I don't have much time. Why did you call?" he tried to press her. Start talking, girl.

"I wanted to ask if you could talk with Brian about something."

"About what?" Ed felt his curiosity rising. What was this about?

"Well.. ah…" he heard how she hesitated. How she didn't want to yet had to tell him.

"We, Brian and I, we're investigating something. He kind of chickened out."

Ed was silent for a moment. "He chickened out?" he threw a gaze at Brian, who just resumed to be silent and listened. There was no emotion on his face except for an ever-growing annoyance.

"We talked with someone today." Oh… so, was this about him or were they doing work? But Brian wouldn't 'chicken out' of work, would he? "I think Brian learned something important. After he talked with that person he was all different."

Ed looked at Brian for a moment. His lover held his gaze and mouthed 'James'. So, this was about him? Interesting. Even more interesting that she asked him for help. Well. She had already explained her problem. Brian had chickened out.

"Well, yeah, I wanted to ask if you could talk with him about that. If he wants to help me again."

Edward Morra was silent for a long moment. Brian working with her was actually in his best interest, but who was he to tell his lover what to do? Well... at least on that topic. And who was he to help her? Helping her would surely be amusing, but not when his lover seemed to want nothing more than scream at her. Brian had always been loyal to his friends and as of now, Rebecca was one of those. A friend. Brian turning on her because of her curiosity... Of course, it wouldn't happen after this incident. But slowly, little by little...

"I think you should talk to him about why he chickened out. If he is afraid of something I won't inquest his judgment."

"But…"

"No but, Rebecca. I will not be your messenger buddy or something."

Some minutes of small talk later he ended the call and sighed. He watched his lover after he had snuggled back into his pillow. Brian was silent for a long moment.

"I told her to keep you out of this."


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go, the last of my (more or less) planned out chapters.  
> I'm a bit afraid of the next one, honestly. Let's see where I'll take you on that journey ;)

Brian was at work really early. He got his hands on his daily NZT pill and sat in his office, going through some files. He had work to do he got paid for after all. And he didn’t want his NZT to run out. He thought about Becca again. He still didn’t know what he should do. Confront her. Ignore her. He had asked… well… demanded of her to not pull his lover into all of this. And what did she do? Call his lover hours later. After having looked into his phone to get his number into her hands. What an awesome friend. What a trustworthy friend. He was curious what she would say. In one or another way they would talk.

Some hours later Becca entered his office, closing and locking the door behind her. Brian looked up at her and frowned. Why lock the door? Was he going to get into troubles? He saw that topic the other way around. She would get into troubles.

“Hey.” Her voice was soft. Yet, she sounded a bit guilty. Good for her. And yet again, she sounded calm and determined. Bad. She wouldn’t listen if she got all worked up.

“Hey.” Brian returned the greeting and put the file away he had been looking at. Nothing interesting honestly.

“I wanted to ask you something.” Becca finally walked towards him, coming to a stop in front of his desk, looking down at him.

Brian just looked at her, waiting. He didn’t like this constellation. She looked down at him. Bad for talking as equals. As partners. As friends. This would be a questioning from his superior. After all, he was working for the FBI because she bargained for him.

“Yes?” he asked calmly, not showing his emotions.

“What did you learn from James? You were odd after you talked with him.”

Brian frowned, leaning back in his chair to be easily able to hold her gaze. “You two were threatening each other. I wanted to end things before something bad happened. And because you wanted to go and talk with Morra I snapped.”

Becca was silent. He had dodged her original question. She knew that and stared him down. Minutes passed in silence until Becca broke it.

“Why are you afraid of Morra?”

“Why aren’t you afraid of Morra?”

Again, they only stared at each other.

“I don’t fear him because he doesn’t know we are investigating against him. If we can hit him and his people with full force, he won’t be able to harm us. He won’t have anyone left to support him.”

Brian stared at her for a few moments. Did she really believe…?

“You think that putting him and his close circle in jail will keep you safe? Will keep our families safe?”

Becca blinked, confused. “What do you think he is? Some kind of mafia boss? With connections to everywhere? Yes, he knows people, but…” she stopped talking when she saw Brian shaking his head.

“What?” she asked, this time colder than earlier.

“You know, I looked into him. People tend to disappear around him, Becca. There is no evidence that he did it, but come on. I assume when someone is intelligent enough to disperse any, and yes I mean any, sign that he let a person get killed, do you think something as silly as prison walls will keep him from killing you? And where exactly does his circle end? What makes you believe he doesn’t have more people like that James? People you would not ever suspect to have anything to do with him. You saw how loyal he is.”

Becca stared at him for a few long moments. Silence gripped the room tight. Until, suddenly, she sat down on the chair in front of his desk. Taking the conversation to eye level. Two sane people talking with one another.

“Seeing his loyalty freaked you out?” she asked slowly, trying to understand why he had turned his back on her.

Brian sighed softly. “He threatened you. He threatened us. I tried to talk him into something, the way I always talk people into something. He just smiled at me, Becca. He didn’t give a fuck about anything we said. Why? Because he knows he is safest right where he is. Loyal to Morra. We can’t protect him. We can’t even protect ourselves if we were challenged. Of course, that freaks me out. I have a lot of people I can’t live without.”

Brian paused for a moment.

“I realized there have to be more like him. More people you wouldn’t suspect to do anything bad. I don’t know if he would kill someone, but stealing sensitive information or something like that is definitely within his area of possibilities. And if I were Morra, I would have more people like that around me. People who don’t hesitate to dial a number if strange questions are being asked.”

He knew Ed had more people like that. Brian had talked with seven of those. Seven ex-employees who hadn’t hesitated a second on giving him a call. Seven people, he hadn’t guessed were loyal to him. Or himself for that matter. He didn’t hesitate to tell his love everything he knew either. How many were there?

“Well, how would you do it, then? How would you try to take him down?” Becca asked.

Brian looked at her, silent for a moment. “We can’t. Not from the outside. You have to get someone into his inner circle. You have to get someone really close to him.” Like, into the position he was currently holding. Lover to Edward Morra. It felt odd to talk about taking him down with Becca. “And then that someone has to learn. Maybe you’ll need years and still don’t know everything. I would do that again if I were him. Never trust anyone. Not completely.”

Was he just undermining his own relationship? Did Ed not say those three words because he didn’t trust him? Love needed that, according to his lover. Trust.

Becca looked at him for a long while. She was silent for a time. “Well… we obviously can’t go to our bosses and…” she stopped mid-sentence, leading Brian to frown. That… wasn’t good. Becca suddenly stopping in a sentence would…

“Don’t you have really much time because your lover is always busy?” Becca had tilted her head ever so slightly, looking at him out of pleading eyes.

“I…” he stared at her for a second. Was she really…

“I would go ask our boss if you can work fewer hours.”

… asking him to…

“I mean, you aren’t always busy. And you sitting around here and doing nothing is a wasted resource. And wasted money. I’ll go with the money part.”

…do undercover work and try to get close to Morra?

“I think we will have to get Ike and Mike onboard though. They have to look after you, after all. But… I think…” she looked at him, suddenly grinning. As if she had the greatest idea of all time.

“You can find something out.”

Brian frowned deeply. “Are you really asking me to spend my free time trying to get closer to Morra? How should I start anyway?”

Becca smiled softly. She had expected that question, hadn’t she? She was creepy when she got like that. “I think you could volunteer to aid his presidential campaign. After all, you are a consultant. Good hands are always needed. Just… don’t show off.” No, really.

“Would raise questions if you’d use your NZT abilities there.” No, really…

“And, if we are right that Morra is using the drug.” Since when did her assumptions include him as we? He always stated whenever asked that Morra wasn’t taking NZT. “He could recognize you using it. And we obviously don’t want that.” No, really.

He was silent for a long moment. “And what if our boss finds out that I do volunteer for Morra? Shouldn’t I keep out of political stuff?” thinking that question felt weird enough. Asking it out loud made it even worse. He had affiliations with Morra after all. Just… in a different way. “I can have my private opinion on politics for sure, but aiding a campaign?”

Becca bit her bottom lip, being silent for a moment. Sighed. “If it should come to that, I’ll back you up.” Brian looked at her for a long moment. Well… would she? Or would she turn her back on him and blame him all the way? He was the weakest link in that chain after all.

“Well…?” she looked at him, pleading once again.

He let his gaze wander. Thinking. He would be able to spend more time with his lover, wouldn’t he? In one or another way. But if he got fired over this… well…

“If you get work off of me, I’ll do it.” Worth the risk. He would need to think about getting information for her. That was what she was after.

His vibrating phone caught his attention. A message from his love. He wished him a nice day. Brian smiled gently. Even though they were five hours apart and it was past midday in Scotland Ed remembered, that right now, around eight, was Brian’s usual working time. His gaze wandered from his phone to Becca.

“Why did you call my lover?”

Becca blinked and stared at him. For the first time in a long while too surprised to say a thing. A moment went by.

“He told you?” she tried to change the subject.

Brian smiled gently. This time, his gaze was kind of cold.

“Yes, of course.” Ed didn’t tell him, but she didn’t need to know that. He had listened to their conversation during a video stream. Ed had put her on speakers.

She remained silent for a moment. Then a sullen harshness made itself evident within her voice. “Then why bother talking? I asked him for help, he turned my request down. End of the story.”

She seemed to want to get up. Get away.

“No.”

She stopped in her planed movement. Looking at him. Calculating.

“I asked you to keep him out of this and you didn’t care about it. On top of that, you looked into my phone and stole his number.”

Becca looked at him. Tilting her head. “I’m sorry I called him.”

Didn’t lead her anywhere, so it was easy to ask for forgiveness. But she didn’t say anything about his phone. She didn’t tell him the reason. Not really. She got up and left. Brian watched her walking away, frowning deeply.

He volunteered to do some undercover work (for her) and didn’t get a full ‘sorry’ from her? What a great friendship they had. She would sacrifice everything to reach her goal, wouldn’t she? Hopefully, it wouldn’t be him. He had to find something about her. Just as a precaution. If she turned him down, he would take her with him.

  


* * *

  


Later that day, Becca got their boss convinced to reduce his hours, Brian walked into the local office of Edward Morra’s presidential campaign. He looked around hesitantly. People walking around, seeming busy. He slowly approached the guy who seemed to be the receptionist, asking if he could help. After a few minutes of talk, he received a duty and a campaign button. Morra for president.

He wasn’t sure if he wanted that, to be honest. His love would be even busier, wouldn’t he? But… it was his dream (or whatever) hence he should support him, shouldn’t he? The receptionist called a name. One of the passersby, a teenage girl, stopped in her tracks and walked up to them.

“Hey Jane, we have a newbie. Could you show him around?”


	20. Chapter 20

Walking down the corridor Brian felt guilty for the shortest part of a second, but he suppressed the feeling the moment he got aware of it. There was no need to feel guilty. Such silly emotions. Reaching Becca’s desk, he smiled gently, his eyes warm like usual.

Becca looked up at him, a smirk on her lips. “You’re late.” But she knew his lover had returned yesterday. He would most likely hear worse comments if he had been early at work. What? Had no fun last night? Poor Brian!

“I have something for you.” He said, still smiling. He could see how a sparkle appeared in his friend’s eyes. Something… finally… after three weeks. Brian hadn’t found anything interesting since he started volunteering for Morra’s campaign. Just did his boring numbers stuff (calculating the percentage a voter could be convinced to vote Morra based on his social media profile and such), talked with a bunch of people who actually cared for his lover becoming president and had used his newly won free time to watch Netflix. Life was boring without his Ed.

Five minutes later they were down in his office, door locked and Becca looking at him curiously. “What have you found?”

With a flick of his hand, he produced a USB-stick onto his table. “Well…” Brian hadn’t found anything up until now. Honestly, he still hadn’t found anything. “At the local office, they have a little security issue. The Wi-Fi… protected brilliantly. Couldn’t hack into it even though I really tried.” He really had. A Wi-Fi he couldn’t hack? Challenge accepted! But… well… ah… “However, their network isn’t protected at all. One day I connected to the router by using an old LAN cable. And, magic, I saw every computer connected to the network. From there it was just a little try and error, searching my way around. Found Morra’s computer within five minutes or so.”

Becca stared at him, he could see the elation on her face. She was kind of beautiful if she was like that. If he wouldn’t be loving the person she tried to hunt down at all costs… “Does he know? That you accessed his laptop?”

Brian had anticipated the question. And smiled ever so gently. "Don’t think so.” A pause. Silence. It felt like an eternity for him. “I went for his private calendar and the files on his desktop. Usually, everyone saves anything important there. Didn’t want to stay connected to his computer that long anyway, felt too dangerous.” He smiled apologetically.

Opening Morra’s calendar on his own laptop, he let Becca have a look. “There is this…” Brian paused, letting her have a short glance. A bunch of appointments copied from Morra’s work account. And then there were those appointments only saved on his private account. At every end of a day a block of reserved time. Some were marked with ‘B’. Others with ‘R’ or ‘C’ or other varying letters of the alphabet.

Becca stared at them, tilting her head. “You have any idea what he’s up to during those times?”

He knew one of those, for sure. ‘B’ was the time Ed spent with him. B for Brian. How innovative. Yet, he didn’t know what his lover did at those other times, hence he shouldn’t really mock his way of ‘marking’ his private time. If he wanted to, he would find out. He knew that. For starters, he would simply ask his lover. They had a deal about not lying to each other, after all. He wanted to see what those words were worth. Maybe it would get him somewhere. Tonight, they had the chance of talking with one another. Yesterday evening and this morning they had been busy doing other things.

“Nope.” He answered. It wasn’t a complete lie. He knew one of those letters. The rest… no idea. After some more minutes of talk, he handed the USB-stick to Becca. She looked at him surprised. “Don’t you want to have a look at it?”

Brian just smiled. “Don’t worry, I have a copy at home. The calendar is the only useful thing right now. All files that I copied from his desktop are encrypted. I’ll have a look at it as soon as I have time. Maybe next week or so.” He chuckled softly, Becca rolled her eyes. Wasn’t fresh love cute?

“Well, did you two have a nice evening yesterday and a good morning today?” she asked, letting the USB-stick drop into her pocket and changed the subject along the way. Brian looked at her and smiled. She had no idea what she had just asked, hadn’t she? The change of context between Morra and his lover was evident, but not explicit. Hence... “Hell yeah.” He answered both versions without her knowing.

This morning had been sweet. His lover hadn’t made any stupid breakfast for him or had woken him up. Brian had simply opened his eyes. It had been hard. Waking up. He didn’t want to. For a brief second, he had remembered a dream. Something he knew he had dreamed before. But he couldn’t grasp it and the memory was gone.

He blinked a few times, adjusting to the darkness surrounding him. He saw his lover looking at him. Closing his eyes again, Brian considered going back to sleep. Just five more minutes…

“How late is it?” he somehow mumbled together. Ed’s fingertips caressed his cheek, down to his chin and up to his lips. A moment later he felt Ed’s lips on his own, one wonderful sweet morning kiss. After they broke apart Brian kept his eyes closed, enjoying his goosebumps. How he had missed being kissed like this. “4:35.” his lover finally answered.

Brian frowned slowly. Why was he awake at that time? Wasn’t like him. He lay there for a second, which felt like forever. Trying to find an answerer for a question he had forgotten. Groaning slowly, he sat up. When he was awake that early, he could make use of it. Take a shower, have some breakfast which didn’t consist of only coffee, be at work early.

But it never came to that. The moment he sat up, his legs already out of bed, his feet touching the soft carpet, he heard Ed moving beside him, a second later an arm wrapped around his chest. Fingers playing with his nipple.

“How is your undercover work going? Got any closer to me?” Ed asked mockingly. Brian had told him about Becca’s newest brilliant plan. Volunteering for Edward Morra’s presidential campaign to get some information about him.

“Does last night count?” He responded cheekily.

“Mmm…” Ed started to kiss along his shoulder blade, stopping for just a moment, enough to speak. “Do you really want to make that public?”

Closing his eyes Brian enjoyed Ed’s attention. It was sweet as honey, after having missed him for that long. “No, guess not.” Was his slow response. He hadn’t found anything one could use against him during those last weeks. His lover knew that.

A sigh escaped from Brian’s lips. “I need to find something.” A pause. “Or get closer to you in a way I would want to talk about.” They had started to make out in the elevator, somehow ended in Ed’s flat with all clothes on, decided it would be a good thing to eat something, and ended up having sex on the kitchen counter. “She gets a bit uneasy. I think she expects a NZT wonder. Maybe I should charm you.” Ed chuckled softly, but Brian felt how his body was pulled back against the chest of his lover. Warm skin against warm skin. A moment of seriousness.

“I could give you a moment with my laptop, I guess you’ll find something of use.” Brian turned his head, looking at his lover. He could barely see his face, everything was hidden by darkness.

“You would do that?” he asked slowly, wondering. He had asked himself repeatedly during the last weeks whether Ed trusted him or not. If he did that… that would be a ‘yes!’, wouldn’t it?

As an answer he felt lips on his neck, fingers moving to the other nipple, and a hand traveling south. Minutes later Brian leaned his head back, resting on Ed’s shoulder, and moaned gently. He watched his lover. Was there a smirk? He wanted… wanted to raise his hand, turn Ed’s head and kiss him. Stroke him. Hold him. But all he did was lay there, in his lover’s arms, and enjoy himself.

He jolted back to reality the moment Rebecca snapped her fingers in front of his face. “You should do something about you zooming out.” Brian blinked. The same thing had his sister said to him. He should do something about…

“Sorry…” Brian mumbled and watched Becca at the same time. Closely watched her. Did she have the slightest idea, that he had lied to her? About how he got those files? He hadn’t ‘hacked’ into Morra’s computer. His lover had just left him alone with his laptop and took a shower in the meantime. He could obviously not tell her that. Would be funny though. He would love to see the look on her face. “I got those files right after I fucked him. Call me a whore, but it works.” For a second, Brian felt something stir inside of him. A thought. Strong and angry, but he fought it down with a smile on his lips. This was his game to play.


	21. Chapter 21

Cassidy Hawke. 20 years. Blonde, blue eyes. Studying at the University of California. Brian scrolled down her Facebook page and once again wondered what people uploaded there. Pictures of her partying with friends. Pictures of her pretty drunk. Pictures of her in… was that one a nude? He tilted his head, staring at it for a long time. No. Skin-colored underwear. He never understood why people liked that color. He once crossed a street and came to a sudden stop when a woman in a skin-colored overall passed him. For this one second, he was convinced she was naked. Not the weirdest sight in New York City, but at least forbidden by law. Public nudity.

Shaking his head, he searched for her Twitter profile. That one was a bit more serious. Commenting on political topics, sharing photos of hiking in the national parks.

Brian leaned back in his chair, staring at the screen of his stone-age computer. His eyes flicked to the door of the little computer room the moment Lyanne entered. She greeted him and sat down beside him. She was doing the same as he did for the campaign. Study online profiles and decide whether the person would be contacted in an effort to win her to their side. Brian had asked if he could do that for the first time. Looked like Cassidy would be a first for him. His first woman. How sweet. He frowned softly and chuckled at the same time. Lyanne threw a glance.

“Everything okay over there?”

“Yeah, yeah. I just thought…” he started to laugh a little “I have asked if I could contact one of those we find here. A try if I can do that, you know. Win people for our thing. And ah… I just thought she’ll be my first one.”

Lyanne grinned after he set the picture. She knew he had a male lover. Looking at other people’s lives could be tiring as fuck. They had started to talk casually. And a little time later they knew each other’s life stories. Well, except for the name of his love of course. He referred to him with vague phrases, like boyfriend or lover.

“Oww, you’re gonna lose your contacting virginity to her. Be sweet and gentle, okay? Girls don’t like it rough. Well, except when they like it rough. But not on a first date, sweetie.”

Brian burst into laughter. “Are we still talking about contacting people?”

“Who knows?” she wiggled her eyebrows, a huge grin on her face.

A moment passed, she tried to concentrate on her work but failed. Brian could see that she was curious.

“Well… how was it? Your reunion?”

She knew that his lover had just returned from a long trip. He had been all giddy the day he was coming back. Hard to miss, really.

Brian was silent for a moment. “Curiosity isn’t a virtue, you know?” he commented dryly. He could hear her chuckle.

“I don’t wanna have details. That would be awkward. Except when you want to share details?” there was this half-smirk on her face. He knew she thought two males making out was hot. Did all women think like that?

He paused for a long moment. “Well…” did he want to tell her? They weren’t real friends, just good colleagues. Nonetheless, they knew basically everything about each other. Everything that he could talk about without being branded as an enemy of the state or killed by his lover. He was sure she had secrets, too. They all had. Maybe it was part of the human nature.

“We didn’t talk that much.” This time he wiggled his eyebrows. “And we haven’t slept that much either. I might tell you, that we were damn close to having sex in the elevator. Made it to his apartment, luckily. I think I would die of embarrassment if someone saw us.”

She giggled softly, was silent for a moment. “When you wanna have sex in an elevator… go for it if you two happen to be in one during a blackout or other malfunctions. Just try to be finished with that business before electricity is back up or you’re saved.”

Brian tilted his head. “Did you do this?”

She simply shrugged, trying to look all innocent. He stared at her for a few moments, shook his head and let his eyes return to his own screen. He would contact Cassidy later that day. First, he wanted to do the job he got here for. He didn’t know if he would be good in convincing her, hence he wanted to find some other ‘victims’ for more experienced people.

  


* * *

  


The day went by in no time. Lyanne was just powering off the PC she had used when the door opened once again. Brian looked up and felt how his heart skipped a beat. Ed. Lyanne saw their potential president and snickered.

“Told you he would come by earlier or later. He has a chat with all of his volunteers. Makes you feel needed and such.” She whispered into Brian’s ear right before she got up.

“Mister Morra.” She said cheerily. The both of them faced each other for a moment, standing in front of the open door.

“Miss Charles.” Ed responded softly.

Miss Charles chuckled. “You see, Brian? He even knows my name.” a pause. “I’ll soon be Mrs. Jones.” She flashed her engagement ring with a huge smile on her face.

Ed returned the smile. “Make sure to leave me a note with the date, okay? I have to at least send my congratulations.”

Lyanne giggled once again, said her good-byes to both of them and closed the door while leaving for her much-deserved weekend.

Ed looked at him for a moment, then walked through the room, shook his hand and sat down on the chair Lyanne had occupied moments ago. He seemed relaxed, completely in his element. “Well, Mister Finch. Do you like what you did so far, or would you want to change things up?”

Brian looked at him. Edward was good at separating work and private life, he could see that. Did he feel guilty because of that, too? Did he have worries because of that? He needed to ask him that. Later. Hopefully.

“No, I really like what I do.”

Some minutes of casual, work-related talk followed. Ed asked how his life was going, if everything was fine. He seemed to genuinely be interested in the people working for him. Just like Lyanne had said. It made you feel needed, not just a resource Ed didn’t need to pay.

After a little Edward grew silent, looking at him. The expression in his eyes changed. From guy, who didn’t pay you a penny for your work to guy, who loved you. Brian had learned to see that affection within Ed’s gaze. He knew Ed loved him. Yet, he wondered why Ed wouldn’t say it out loud. He wanted to hear it, dammit.

“Since when are you working on these calculations without you-know-what?”

Brian stared at him for a moment, not understanding the question. Since when…? After a few seconds realization hit him, and it hit him hard. He had free today, no work for the FBI. He came here around midday and had started to work. Like usual. Except, unlike usual, he wasn’t on NZT. Brian blinked confusedly.

“I. Never. I didn’t even realize that I…” he stopped stumbling over his words and remained silent. A long moment passed.

“I was never much of a researcher. Never. I always had troubles to concentrate long enough on boring printed characters. One of the reasons I failed in school so badly.” Brian nearly whispered, his eyes wide with horror. Another moment passed. Then he rose his eyes, looking into Ed’s worried ones. “What’s happening with me?”

Ed was silent for a long moment, then sighed softly. “The enzyme protects you from NZT’s side-effects. Like, seeing things, hearing voices, memory loss, becoming paranoid. Death, at the end of that list. They are all connected to lowering the dose of the drug in your system. As long as you maintain a steady level, nothing of this ever comes to pass. As no-one can maintain a steady level, due to a certain shortness of available NZT, the enzyme is needed.” It was one of the ways to bind people to his side permanently, after all. Getting drug addicted and being forced to stay with him. Death was the other alternative.

“However, NZT changes your brain, every time you take a pill. Activates all those dormant brain connections, makes things seem easy which were impossible a moment ago. When you take the drug for long enough, some of those connections simply remain active.”

Brian looked at Ed, both horrified and stunned. Some moments went by. “Oh.” He exclaimed and changed the subject. “That’s why I always wonder whether you’re off NZT when you’re off. Because you don’t seem to be off, just… less on it.” He closed his eyes, sighing. He could feel a cold, dark thing grabbing his heart. He gulped. The one, the most important question, remained unasked. Simply, because he was afraid of the answer. He didn’t want to hear what he knew he would hear.

“Will it change me?”


	22. Chapter 22

Ed was silent for a while. “I think you know the answer.” Was his soft response to Brian’s most dreaded question.

“Every drug changes its consumer earlier or later. I think you may have recognized changes in your behavior, you’re just not willing to admit them.”

Brian was silent for a long moment. There had been some things… he looked at Edward. He wanted to talk about those things badly, but he knew this wasn’t the right place for such a conversation. Instead, he just looked into Ed’s eyes. His own gaze was filled with fear and worry and insecurity. What was happening to him? He held Ed’s gaze for a while, he could see love and worry in his eyes. Silence embraced them. Finally, Brian let his head drop. His mind went off on a hunt for all those terrible possibilities that might come to pass. Would he lose himself? Would he still recognize himself in the mirror, after he had dismissed everything which he held dear?

Fingers touching his chin saved him from traveling to even darker places. He rose his gaze, seeing Ed close. He felt his lover’s warm breath cradling his face. His heart skipped a beat. Would Ed… feeling his Ed’s soft and yet firm lips on his own, he looked at his face for a second. He loved him for what he tried to do. Get him away from those dark places within his mind. Brian closed his eyes, enjoying their kiss. It was a sweet and gentle one, lasting forever. Ed broke it, leaning closer and whispered into Brian’s ear: “I wanted to do this since the moment you told me, you would volunteer for me.”

Brian could feel a chill run down his spine. Distracting him had definitely worked. “I think you want to do more than just kissing.” He responded naughty, curious how Ed would react. He could hear a chuckle, lips kissing along his jawline, nibbling every now and then. Brian closed his eyes, sighing softly.

“That would be very inappropriate.” A whisper against his lips and a longing accompanying his lover’s words which spoke evidence that he had thought about it.

A moment passed, then he felt Ed’s lips on his again. This time, however, the kiss was hungry and passionate, their tongues playing with one another. The sound of the door opening again let Brian’s body freeze in time and place. His heart, which had raced because of a very different reason, pounded in fear now. He broke away from his lover, throwing a gaze to whoever had entered the room. At the far end of his consciousness, he could hear Ed chuckle. A young man, probably in his mid-twenties, stood in front of the now closed door, wearing an expensive looking suit and a calm and serious expression.

“I told you, no public display of affection.” The man said, looking this one tiny bit of annoyed. Ed chuckled, leaning back against the chair. “Oh, come on. The office is as good as empty.”

The man snorted. “As good as empty is not empty.” Brian could hear the lock of the door click. He felt uneasy. Like being left out of an inside joke. The only problem was, that that inside joke was about him. He looked at Ed again. The expression in his eyes had changed once more. He was somewhere halfway between the guy, who would be president and the guy, who wanted to fuck him on a table in his own local office.

The man sighed softly, grabbing an empty chair and sat down beside them. He offered his hand to Brian. They shook hands briefly, Brian introduced himself as did the suit-wearing man. “Sam Hugh, adviser for public relations for this idiot.” He pointed at Ed by using his thumb.

“Hey.” Ed responded.

Brian stared at Sam. “You… know about me?” he asked slowly, dumbfounded. He hadn’t known that Ed had told his advisers about him.

Sam smiled softly. “Not by name. This big idiot told us about his…” he paused for a mere second, thinking about how to phrase what he wanted to say “preferences, that’s the right word, a while ago. The only decent thing he could’ve done if you ask me. We all have to know what we are up against. One of his advisers jumped the boat. I still think our horse will win the race.”

Brian stared at Sam. How could a grown-up man use that many analogies within this short a timeframe. Brian looked at Ed. “Does he always talk like that?” Ed smiled amusedly. “Don’t worry, he knows what he’s doing.”

Sam chuckled. “I knew you were here, Eddie. Making your usual round of chit-chat with new volunteers. I wanted to talk with you about… well, doesn’t matter right now. I talked with Tom” the guy working as receptionist “he told me Lyanne told him… well, whatever… that you went in here. I know how long you usually talk with new volunteers. Realizing you exceeded that time I counted one and one together and decided to check in on you two.”

His gaze went from one to the other. “I don’t like you being here Brian. Only gets him on stupid ideas.” Brian could see how Ed wanted to protest, but Sam didn’t give him a chance to speak. “We have to make this relationship of yours public, earlier or later. The people would feel tricked if you announced it after you got elected, Eddie. We don’t want that. I would aim at after we won the nomination. There are enough homophobic delegates who wouldn’t vote for us only because you love a man. We don’t want that. By making it public after you got nominated they have no other choice. Not the fine way, but who cares.” Sam was silent for a moment, looking at Brian.

“Brian, you have to know what you’re signing up for if you want to stay in a relationship with Eddie. As the presidential campaign continues you won’t see him that often because your job binds you here, doesn’t it? As soon as your relationship is public you are a person of interest. You have to act accordingly. Anything stupid you might do will fall back on him.” Sam threw a glance at Ed. “And you have to be equipped to be faced with hate and racism. You might risk your current career over being the boyfriend of his, depending on who you are working for. They can’t fire you for being gay or who you love, but every employer will find a way to get rid of someone he wants to get rid of. Do you want this?”

Brian was silent for a long moment, he felt both, Sam and Ed, stare at him. He had thought of the consequences of loving the president once in a while, but it never occurred to him that they would have to go public before his lover actually was president. Of course, they had to. It was risky and dangerous but needed. People would freak out if Ed announced it after he won the election. Oh, by the way, I’m gay. There was no such thing as a gay president for a reason. And he wasn’t running as a gay person against all other candidates. Brian feared his love would risk being elected because of him. Yet, seeing and listening to Sam… he looked at Ed for a moment. New York loved him as a senator. He was loved for what he did, for staying true to his word. Outing himself would feel like betrayal. Yet, Ed had ended the relationship with his second wife a year ago. He didn’t run around and boasted about women or men alike. He simply skipped his private life. He… Brian looked at Sam. Calm and confident. “Yes, I do.”

Ed grabbed his hand, squeezing it a little, Sam only groaned.

“No. Public. Display. Of. Affection. I’ll hammer it into your heads!”

Ed rolled his eyes. “I know.”

Sam looked at him, annoyed. “Do you?”

Sam got up, looking at the both of them. “I don’t want either of you to be seen leaving one another’s apartments. I don’t want you to be seen picking the other one up. I don’t want you to be seen anywhere where one might raise questions. Have a nice weekend.”

Ed tilted his head. “Didn’t you want to talk with me about something?

Sam groaned. “I forgot what it was. Seeing you two kissing got me off the rails. I’ll call you as soon as I remember. Don’t leave this room together. Brian, you have to have some work to do.” Sam started walking, opening the lock of the door. “Keep low. If I see your face in the media because of any of this…” he didn’t finish the sentence, opened the door and left. The door remained open for anyone who might want to have a look.

“He’s a bit bossy, isn’t he?” Brian asked lowly.

Ed chuckled. “A tiny bit. He’s good at what he does, hence I don’t bother getting screamed at now and then. He behaves in public after all.”

Ed got up after a few seconds of silence. “See ya later, I guess. Your place or mine?” Brian looked at him for a long moment. He loved Ed’s place, but he had to be early at work on Monday. And Ed’s place was so far away…

“My place.” Ed nodded as response, switching completely to guy, who doesn’t pay you a penny for your work, and shook his hand as goodbye. “Have a nice weekend, Mister Finch. I appreciate the work you do.” And left.

Brian watched him leaving. He knew he would see him again later. He knew they had to talk about his life. What he was getting into. And most importantly, he had to talk about the changes in his behavior he had experienced ever since he had started to take NZT. Those changes he had ignored. Those changes, which scared him to death.

Sighing deeply, he stared at Cassidy Hawke’s social media profiles. It was time. Time to lose his contacting virginity. Writing down sentences with an ease he had never had before, something within him shivered. Now that he allowed himself to see the changes, they were evident. He wasn’t Brian Finch anymore.

After he was confident with what he had written together he sent her a message. Some minutes later she responded. Brian smiled to himself. The first step was done, let’s see if she liked it rough.

Looking back to this moment he wondered, how different his life would be if he hadn’t contacted her.


	23. Chapter 23

Watching Ed during breakfast had become strangely normal for Brian. They were, for a change of place, having breakfast at his dinner table instead of on his couch. Brian slowly sipped on his (terrible) coffee and watched Ed reading some online newspaper on his tablet. Meanwhile, his lover was crunching away on some cereals. Always that healthy food. Urgh. What did his lover indent to do? Reach the age of 120? Brian would go with 80 or 70 and simply continue eating his Nutella rolls. A thousand times better than what his lover ate. To him, at least.

"Anything interesting in the world?" he asked softly, putting his coffee cup down and started to eat his (Nutella) roll, actually savoring its taste. He did that once in a while. Especially, when they were having breakfast together. Mostly to annoy Ed.

Ed shook his head a no. Oh, what good manners his lover had. Never speak with a full mouth.

After Brian was finished with eating his roll, he got up, watching how Ed rose his gaze. He felt his lover's eyes on himself while he made a way through the room. A moment later he sat on Ed's lap, straddling his lover.

After a very passionate and steamy kiss they broke apart, Brian's hair a bit messier than it had been before. "Mmm… sugar." Ed exclaimed mockingly. Brian rolled his eyes and chuckled. "Yeah yeah, you and Nutella."

Brian nuzzled into his lover, closing his eyes for a moment. He felt, how Ed wrapped his arms around him, holding him close and gently caressing his back. He felt warm and fuzzy inside. Snuggling close against Ed's shoulder he let time slip by. He breathed in his lover's scent. That hand, traveling along his back. He felt secure. Opening his eyes again he looked at Ed. There was only love in his lover's gaze. For a long moment, Brian just looked at him, finally closing in for a gentle kiss. He knew Ed loved him. He could see it. In his tenderness, when they were alone. In his warm eyes, when he watched him. In the way, they kissed each other, longingly and always wanting more. In the way, they mocked each other at times. In the possibility to bear simple silence side by side. Why wouldn't his lover say it? Those simple three words Brian wanted to hear.

"You are killing time." His love stated.

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are."

"No-ho."

Ed sighed softly, grabbing Brian's shoulders softly. His love looked into his eyes for a long moment. "Brian."

"Ed?"

"Get over onto that couch of yours."

Brian giggled. "You want to do naughty stuff with me?" he asked mockingly.

"You know what I want." Brian did know, what he wanted. Very well. Ed's response made him grin.

Ed simply rolled his eyes. "I know how that sounded. Off with you."

Brian sighed dramatically, got up and sat down on his couch, watching his lover sitting down beside him. He knew what they were going to do. He had persuaded his lover to do it this morning instead of yesterday evening. Talk.

Ed just sat there for a while, looking at him without saying a word. And Brian did the same. Just sit there and say no word. He wanted to talk. He really wanted to. He had to. But talking about it would make it real. Pull it from this realm of thoughts into reality. He couldn't go back after he spoke about it. Yet, there was no way back anyhow.

The sigh of his lover brought him back to reality. He could feel how Ed carefully caressed his cheek and let his hand drop back onto his lap. He waited, just looking at him. His love knew pressing him on that topic wouldn't get them anywhere.

Brian took a deep breath. It was time. Time for his fears to become real.

"I noticed things. I can concentrate better than earlier. Then before I started to take NZT. And I see things I would have never noticed before. On top of that, I make the right assumptions. Lyanne tends to play with her engagement ring. She isn't sure if she really wants to marry him. Earlier, I just wouldn't have noticed it. Those small things. Never bothered me."

"I can see emotions easier than before. That was never hard for me, but right now it's as if someone put a label on your forehead. Oh, he's sad. Look, he's annoyed."

Brian paused for a moment, watching Ed. His lover simply looked at him, listening to what he had to say.

"It's easier for me to write. I always struggled a bit with that. What and how to say something. It's a breeze now. I'm better in guessing people, too. What they will say to which topic and…"

Brian came to a stop for some moments. He stared at Ed's lap. He didn't want to see his face. Listing all those changes scared him. He hadn't realized it had been so many.

"Lately, when I'm on NZT… I feel weird…" Brian paused again, raising his gaze and looking at Ed. Trying to see something in his eyes. Anything.

"When I told Becca where I got that USB-stick. I swear, I… he… enjoyed lying to her. That isn't me. I hate lying. I threatened James when we were there and talked with him. That isn't me either."

A pause. Thinking. There was this one thing he had done on NZT…

"I was really upset about Becca when she persuaded me to do undercover work for her and didn't apologize for calling you. For looking into my phone."

A pause. It was hard for him to speak about that. What he had done… Slowly, it dawned on him how little of himself was left while on NZT.

"After that, I looked into Rebecca's life. Found something that could really get her in troubles…" Brian looked down, he was ashamed of what he had done. "I deleted them the morning after. Couldn't…" he had raised his gaze, looking at Ed and came to a sudden stop when he saw the expression on his face.

"What?" Brian asked with a tiny voice.

"You didn't delete those files."

This time Brian frowned. "Yes, I did. I sat in my bed and deleted everything I had found about her."

"No, you didn't. You send those files to me."

Brian stared at his lover. He hadn't done that! He would never… "No, I…"

Ed got up, picked up his laptop and turned it on.

Some moments later his desktop appeared. The one Brian knew. Opening the terminal Edward typed a short sequence of characters.

The entire screen flickered and the desktop showed more files than before. "What the?" Brian looked at his lover confused.

"I usually work in a virtual machine. My system boots into that state. You won't get out if you don't know about it." Ed said calmly.

A pause, he opened some folders and turned his laptop for Brian to see.

"I do owe files people shouldn't know about. Including those you send me. I assumed you searched them as a precaution, I don't intend to end Becca's career." Even though that thought had crossed his mind at a time, but he knew it would only upset his lover. After all, Brian could count one and one together.

Brian looked at those files. The names were different, obviously. He opened one after another. With each file he looked at, the expression of pure disbelief grew on his face. There they were. All files he knew he had deleted.

"But… I… I…"

He couldn't understand it. How was that even possible? He. Deleted. Them. He knew that. He made sure to empty the recycle bin and stuffed his laptop full with images of cute kittens to overwrite each and every file that had once been on his hard-drive. Those files were gone for good. And he didn't remember to have looked them up again. Yet, he didn't remember sending them to Ed either. He put the laptop onto his couch table, staring at the monitor for a long while. How was that possible? Slowly, his gaze wandered back to his lover. To Ed. He looked at him, completely helpless.

What was happening with him?

His lover looked at him. "Do you have this… loss of memory more often? Are there gaps?"

Brian chewed on his bottom lip. Were there gaps? "No…" but did that mean anything at all?

"I mean, you were three weeks away…" he stopped when he felt Ed's hands on his own. He had subconsciously started to chew on his fingernails. He hadn't done that since he was a little child.

"I was a month away."

Brian looked at him, frowning deeply.

"No. One week before that Becca incident, two weeks after."

Ed shook his head, he had a deeply worried expression on his face. "I left on the 6th last month. Today is the 10th. That's over a month, Brian."

Brian stared at him. His face, first showing pure disbelief, changed into a weird expression of horror.

"But… I…" he started to shiver. He started to panic.

By this time, Ed had wrapped his arms around him and pulled him securely against his chest.

None of this made sense.

He had lost an entire fucking week.

How did this happen? Why couldn't he remember? What was happening to him?

Brian snuggled against Ed's chest, grabbing a fist full of his t-shirt.

He had lost a week.

Breathing in the scent of his lover.

He had…

He stared at nothing in particular. He felt Ed's warm arms warped around him. He could hear his heartbeat. Slow and steady. Slow and…

How could this happen?

And a moment later, Brian started to cry. Tears running down his face, wetting Ed's shirt. For a timeless while, he wasn't really there. His mind was running in circles, asking itself again and again and again, how all of this could have happened. A little part of his mind tried to convince him that none of it was real. Just a bad dream by a hazy mind.

Slowly calming down he sat up, looking at Ed who moved with him. This was real. His lover was real. That he sent those files and couldn't remember it was real. His lover rose his hand and brushed his tears away. Ed didn't say anything, just looking at him for a long time and caressing his cheek all the while. Brian opened his mouth, but didn't know what to say and closed it again.

What could he say?

It was Ed, who broke the silence. "You said something earlier. Are you referring to your NZT self often as 'he'?"

Brian looked at him for a long moment. Had he said 'he'?

"I…" he evaded Ed's gaze. "I think so. I think he's becoming a bit…" what to say? How to say it? "…controlling. A few months ago, he left me videos with instructions." Brian shook his head and Ed rose an eyebrow.

"Okay…" His lover was silent for a long moment. "Maybe…" he searched for Brian's gaze, smiling carefully. "… we should do a trip next weekend? Somewhere outside the US where we can display public affection?"

Brian stared at him, not reacting for a moment. "We can figure things out there. How to deal with… all of this." Ed added, looking at his lover hesitantly.

Brian blinked. Slowly, so slowly, a smile crept back onto his face. A second later he embraced his lover and nuzzled into his shoulder. They would work something out. He felt secure again. For the moment, at least.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sooo sorry that that chapter took that long to get published. Life wanted my attention :(

Monday morning Brian opened his eyes to the familiar beep of his alarm clock. His gaze remained on the empty bedside next to him for a moment. Yeah. Ed had told him, that he had to leave early this morning. Something… something important. Had Ed told him what he was up to? He couldn't remember. Finally, Brian moved and turned his alarm off. For a moment he sat in bed, considering going back to sleep. Just five more minutes, which would eventually turn into multiple hours. Yet, he remained sitting there. He didn't want to go to work. Not really. Not after realizing that he had, somehow, lost a week. He was certain that NZT had something to do with that. He could've asked his love. But he had avoided asking those questions. After all, he didn't want to hear the answer. Pretending it never happened wasn't wise, but…

Getting up, he left his bedroom and went for his coffee machine. Even though he hated it, he still needed coffee. Waiting, until the machine was done with its work, Brian stood aimlessly in his kitchen. He realized he chewed on his bottom lip (again). Stopping to do so, he sighed. Was he really anxious about going to work?

Yesterday, on Sunday, he had spent the day with his lover. They had spent the day like usual. Cuddle and kiss and watch Netflix and talk. Talk about everything but what happened to him. Was happening to him. Ed had tried that once, but Brian had changed the subject promptly. His lover got the hint and hadn't said anything on that topic for the rest of the day. Brian had to… well… get used to the idea that he lost a week of time. One-Hundred-And-Sixty-Eight hours. Roughly over ten-thousand minutes. Simply gone. Gone from his memory. Gone from his life. Without him ever realizing it. Without Ed telling him that something didn't fit… he might have never realized it. And that fact, that he didn't realize he had lost time, scared him most. His mind was playing him.

The beep of the coffee machine brought him back to reality. Coffee. Yay… slowly sipping his drink he walked through his flat. If his problem was some weird side-effect of NZT…

He stopped in his movement.

If what happened was a side-effect of NZT he would have to stop taking it.

He would lose his work, even though he wasn't sure if the FBI would simply let him go.

He would lose this flat.

He would lose… would Becca even want to understand what went on in his head?

While he sipped on his drink, a completely different thought found its way into his mind. He felt a chill run along his back.

Ed had (more or less) placed him in the FBI.

He had realized that the FBI was on Brian's heels.

He had given him the enzyme to protect him from the drug's side-effects.

The FBI had scanned his brain after everything was over and realized that he wasn't showing any symptoms of the side-effects. He was hired immediately. To get to know why he was immune. NZT was, after all, the most powerful drug out there. It could help solve every problem the human race had. The only problem was, that it never came to that. Most people died within one month of taking it.

Ed had placed him in the FBI.

Realizing, his thoughts went in circles, Brian sat down on his couch, put his coffee cup away and watched his trembling hands.

Would his love allow him to go? He still wasn't sure why his lover had wanted him in the position he had now. To get information, for sure. To have an eye on investigations. Yet, was that the real reason? He guessed not.

Brian took a deep breath. He would get the answer to all those questions, eventually. He would ask his lover. He would find out if Ed would allow him to quit his job. For a single second his mind thought about, what it meant if Ed didn't allow him to go.

That meant, that his lover wasn't concerned about his well-being. Which consequently questioned everything else. A person who claimed to love him and then didn't give a care in the world about his (mental) state… Did that person even love him?

The thought remained in his head for a moment which bordered towards eternity.

Did Edward Morra love him? Was he sure of that? Of course, Ed acted as if he loved him, but…

Ed had once said that he made a living of people liking him. Loving him. What if…

But Brian stopped the thought. Killed it off. Ed loved him. He was certain of that. Almost.

  


* * *

  


Sitting in his little office at work, he leaned back in his chair and stared at the ceiling. It was white. Like every other day. But today he saw the patches where it had been re-painted because of –

His thoughts came to a sudden stop when Becca opened the door, all cheery. Why were people always that happy on Monday? After all, his love was even worse. Urgh. Most likely they… what was that? Loved what they did. He had done that too, in a way. He had really enjoyed working for the FBI. Until he realized that… well, what? That he was going nuts? In a way, that was true.

"Morning." Becca chirped. "Did you take a look at Morra's appointments?"

Brian looked at her for a long second, not understanding what she wanted. Oh. It slowly dawned on him. Yes. That copy of his lover's calendar he had given to her. He had completely forgotten her stupid investigation.

"No." he answered shortly. He saw how she frowned. There had been something in his voice… After a moment he pulled himself together, hiding his worries beneath a naughty grin.

"Was too busy doing other things."

Becca rolled her eyes, but at least chuckled. The frown was gone. He would have to tell her that he was (most likely) going to quit. But not right now. First, he had to speak with his lover. Sort things out. He would do that on the weekend. He could survive until then. What was a week? (A life).

Brian felt a chill grip his body at the sudden thought. He had already lost a week. What if…

His two bodyguards entered the room, Ike was placing his daily NZT pill on his desk. They were talking about something with Becca. Brian only stared at the pill, ignoring them completely. Did he really want to take that drug? Did he… he rose his gaze. What should he say? That he wasn't immune? That someone gave him immunity? Brilliant idea.

With a smile, he took the pill and resumed listening to his colleagues. They were talking about their weekends.

After a moment, Becca faced him. "Are you in for a beer this evening?"

Brian nodded, feeling, how the drug kicked in. The world got slower and brighter and made more sense than a moment ago. Everything seemed to be obvious.

"Yeah, of course." A moment passed. "Besides, what can I do for you today?" he added playfully while winking. He still knew what was going on. He would survive today. And tomorrow. Until Friday. Then he would leave the country for a short holiday. Sort everything out. It would be okay.

"Well…" Becca smiled as ever. "We have a case. Most likely a serial killer. Normally, you don't look into those cases, but something is odd. We think that…


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That chapter took a while... (it's my longest, as of now)  
> Happy reading ;)
> 
> I planned it to be longer. Much longer. You'll share a day between the two. The next chapter will continue where I left off. Things will soon make a lot more sense...
> 
> And: Thanks to all my new comments and kudos <3  
> I appreciate your feedback so much :)

… he blinked. One time. A second time. It had started in his hands. He remembered that. The tingle had started in his hands. It was the same feeling he had when he had sat on his leg and stood up and blood rushed back into the body part. That tingle. It started soft and gentle and spread through his entire body. Slowly, as if it was the hardest task of his life, he opened his eyes. And blinked. Hadn’t he… wasn’t he… at work? And Becca talked with him? Something about a case? Instead of the stuffed shelves in his office and Becca in front of him, dimmed light flooded into his eyes. He heard rustling noises. Soft snoring. Slowly, once again with an unusual effort, he moved his head. His muscles moved oddly slow. He felt tense. As if his body didn’t want to follow his orders. He stared at a row of seats. The man beside him stared at the monitor in the back of the seat in front of him. Earplugs. Soft light coming from the monitor. A movie.

Brian moved his eyes. And realized, he was sitting in an airplane. Passengers slept or talked in hushed voices or watched movies like his neighbor. He stared at the scene in front his eyes for a few moments. Maybe minutes. He wasn’t sure. That… that couldn’t be. He… No. He… how did he? He blinked. He felt how his heart started to pound, pump blood through his body, carry heat along the way. His vision got all blurry. That couldn’t be. That…

He undid his seat belt and softly touched his neighbor on his shoulder.

“Excuse me?” he asked in a hushed voice. His neighbor turned his head, saw that Brian intended to stand up and simply nodded. A moment later, Brian walked through the rows and rows of seats. One of those big Airbus. Three times three seats in every row. Most people were sleeping. Or calmly watching movies. He felt like moving through a dream. Like underwater. Slow and unreal. He smiled at the stewardess who shot him a worried gaze. Then he pulled open the toilet door, moved into the small cabinet and locked the door. He stood there. Stared at the tiny room which made up an airplane toilet. The first thing that happened was a strong shiver taking control of his body. He closed his eyes helplessly and slit down to the ground. He felt the hard surface of the door in his back.

That couldn’t be.

He had lost… what? Five days? Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. It had to be Saturday. It was dark. He was on an airplane. He was…

He felt how warm tears started to flow down his cheeks.

He had lost five fucking days.

Panic crushed over him like a huge wave, washing away the rest of his sanity.

There was nothing between Becca talking with him and blinking in an airplane. There was just nothing. One moment turning into the next. One day turning into another day. The weird strain when he had wanted to move his body. The tingle.

Tears running down his cheeks.

Was he, quite literally, losing control over his body? Was he… was he even…

A knock on the door brought him back to reality.

“Sir? Are you okay?” a female voice. Had to be the stewardess who had seen him. Yeah.

“Yeah, sorry!” he got together a firm voice and got up again. He stared at the mirror and didn’t recognize himself for a second.

“Just a moment!” he said to the woman behind the door. His face was white. His eyes red from crying. He looked like… he saw a ghost. Or witnessed something terrible. He turned the water tap on and washed his face. Looking into the mirror he sighed. Not better.

Yet, he knew now that this wasn’t a dream. He had felt the bite of the cold water on his skin. A gentle chill ran down his back.

Turning off the water he opened the door and smiled at the woman.

“Is everything okay, sir?” she looked at him worriedly.

He stared at her for a moment. “Yes. No. Flying always scares me to bits. Could I have a coffee? I’ll go back to my seat.” He realized he was stumbling incoherently. Words smashed against each other. Not making it better.

He smiled apologetically and went back to his seat. Meanwhile, he scanned the rows for Ed. He needed him. More than he could put into words. Of course, he couldn’t hold him right now, but… he just wanted to know…

Sitting down again he took a deep breath. Ed wasn’t here. Maybe he was in the first class? Could be. The stewardess bringing him a coffee ripped him from his crazed thoughts. He smiled, thanked her, and sipped on the hot liquid. It burned. But the pain was good. He was really awake. Staring out of the window into the night, he went lost in his thoughts.

He had had problems to move when he woke up.

He lost more days.

Was he the one in control of his body? Or was he the dreamer, allowed to wake up for a brief moment, for whatever…

His thoughts stopped. It was Friday night or Saturday morning or something in between. He had run out of NZT. He was awake because the drug didn’t circulate in his system. But how to all hells did he stay on NZT for five successive days? He stared blankly into the night for a moment.

Then it was crystal clear. Ed had given him four pills for whatever usage during their… well… during the time when he was just reporting information about the FBI to him. Before all of this had started. Four pills. Four pills. Monday to Thursday. If he took the pill Friday morning really early… but no. He would have run out of NZT earlier. Around six or eight in the afternoon or… not this late by all means. He needed one more pill of NZT. Or a quarter. Or a… had he stolen one pill from the FBI? Would he do that? Obviously.

And then, oddly late but with an unnatural force, fear hit him.

What had he done during those five days?

Had he found more dirt about Becca? Had he threatened her? Had he hurt someone? Maybe killed someone for that one pill of NZT that he had needed to stay drugged until now.

He felt goosebumps run along his skin. The thought that he possibly could have killed someone over NZT… it felt real. It felt like something he could have done. It… Brian felt fear grip his very being. Every tiny cell within him. He might have murdered someone. He felt how panic ate its way through him, on its way into his brain. It wanted to flip the table in there again. Make him mad.

He. Might. Have. MURDERED. Someone.

Closing his eyes he controlled his breathing, which had frantically accelerated while he thought about what if.

A tear rolled down his cheek. He moved his hand, brushed it away. He felt lost. He felt…

Slowly, slowly, he calmed down. Slowly, slowly, he remembered that he didn’t know what happened. He had to wait. He would find out everything as soon as he had ground beneath his feet. Hopefully.

  


* * *

  


Three hours later the plane touched European soil. He had taken the Virgin flight from JFK to LHR. Or better known as London Heathrow. They had landed with a delay of thirty minutes. It was seven a.m. The weather would be nice, according to his pilot.

He remained on the plane until everyone from his row was gone. Slowly, he looked if he brought anything into the cabin. A bag and a jacket. The jacked was his for sure. That bag looked like his. Grabbing his belongings he finally left.

Outside, he checked if the bag was his for sure. Yep. His passport.

He waited for ages at the baggage carousel. After all, he didn’t know if he had checked luggage. Meanwhile, he scanned the crowd of people for Ed. His lover was nowhere to be seen… After some twenty minutes he was sure that he had no baggage. He pulled on his jacket, shouldered his bag, fabricated a smile on his face and went to leave the international section of the airport.

A short talk later he had a visa stamp in his passport, granting him the ability to stay for three months. Yay. Maybe he would simply stay and never return.

He stood in the airport for some long minutes, reading signs and watching people. What should he do now? Had he arranged something with Ed? Maybe he was already in the country and would pick him up. Or send someone to pick him up. Or text… he could call Ed, couldn’t he? Dumb him. Yet, he was ‘a bit’ of the tracks today, being dumb was the least of his concerns.

Finally leaving the airport, he looked around hesitantly. Taxis and cars and tons of people and… his ringing phone caught him off guard. He flinched lightly and fished his phone from his bag. Ed’s number. Taking a deep breath, he took the call.

“Hey, lost puppy. Don’t you wanna join me?” Ed’s voice was mocking and gentle and warm. A good shiver went along his body. He would be safe with him, wouldn’t he? Please, just…

“Well, I don’t know…” Brian answered, trying to sound as teasing as Ed. But his voice trembled slightly. Ed would know, that something wasn’t right.

Silence from Ed’s side. Meanwhile, Brian had decided which car his lover would have chosen. A black SUV. He approached the car carefully, waiting for any mocking comments, where he thought he was going. But none came, hence he had to have picked the right car.

Opening the passenger’s door he slipped into the car, being faced with a worried Ed. His lover looked at him for a long moment, then leaned in and claimed his lips in a gentle kiss. Brian closed his eyes for its duration. He felt, how his heart beat faster, his lips tingled gently. Had he seen him during those lost days? Could Ed help him figure out what was happening with him? A moment later all thoughts were gone, and he only relished the feeling of this soft and gentle kiss. He was mildly disappointed when Ed brought space between them once again. Silence.

And then the inevitable question he had expected. “What’s wrong?”

Brian opened his eyes and looked at his lover. He looked worried. But there was something else in his eyes. He was happy, that he saw him again, yes, but… there was something… Ed’s hand gently caressed his cheek and brought him back from his thoughts. A long moment passed until Brian found the will to speak.

“Later. At the hotel?” he offered immediately. After all, he wanted to speak about what was happening. But not here. In a car. At the airport. Ed nodded silently and started the car which came to life in an instant.

Their drive was silent for a while. Brian simply watching the city passing by. Once again, he realized how much the drug had already changed his perception. Scary, honestly. He felt like… a bit on NZT. While the thought occurred, he frowned and looked at Ed. How did his lover feel, when off? Was there much of a difference? Ed’s eyes were glued to the street, calmly navigating them to their goal. Yet, when he felt Brian’s gaze on him, he threw him a questioning gaze.

“What’s up?” he asked curiously.

Brian simply smiled. “Never saw you driving a car. That’s all. Wasn’t sure if you could do that.” He mocked him a little. He could see a smile appear on his lover’s lips and he shook his head.

“You are aware of the fact, that I do have a motorcycle?” Ed asked back, a grin on his face.

Brian shrugged. “Doesn’t mean anything.”

A moment of amused silence passed. One of Ed’s hands left the stirring wheel and found its way onto Brian’s leg, close to his knee. And remained. Brian watched his hand, stroking him gently every now and then, but never leaving its place. He looked at Ed again. Thinking about his lover was better than thinking about all those crazy things, which were going on in his head.

“Do you even concentrate on driving? On NZT I mean. It has to be super boring.” A moment passed, he saw how Ed wanted to say something, but he didn’t let it come to that. Instead, he grabbed the hand resting on his leg, squeezed it gently, and resumed talking.

“I mean, I know how it is. Super boring. I ended up thinking about everything else but driving. And if something could possibly happen, you are still fast enough to react. A second of time is an eternity to someone on NZT, after all. One second… oh… what I could do with one second.” He smirked. “What you could do with one second.”

Brian tilted his head. “What are you thinking about right now? You seem to be… well…” he paused for a moment but instantly resumed talking.

“Just out of curiosity, would you be able to get us to our goal in one piece if we were having sex while you drove?”

This time Brian actually let him time to answer. He could see how Ed rose an eyebrow and looked at him for a moment. Waiting if he would resume babbling. But he didn’t. He simply waited.

“I wouldn’t wanna bet on that one.” Ed finally answered, earning a giggle from Brian. A giggle. A girly, teenish giggle. Brian realized what he had done and went quiet for a second. One second. Then he resumed talking. About his flight. The movie he had watched. But he spared his lover from the fact that he had freaked out on the plane. That was for later.

But later came far too fast for Brian’s liking.

Entering their hotel room Brian looked around. For one moment, he asked himself how much Ed had paid for the room. It was definitely a superior suite. Actually, had some space, a cozy bed, a good view onto the city. Yet, his gaze remained on Ed, who pulled off his jacket and sat down on the bed, looking at him. Brian approached him carefully. At a little distance, he let his bag drop to the ground and stripped from his jacket. He stood there for a few moments, not daring to move, not daring to speak. He realized he chewed on his bottom lip again. Dammit. He stopped to do so and took a deep breath, locking eyes with Ed.

“My last memory is from Monday.”

He could see a varying set of emotions rush over Edward’s face before his lover settled on deep worry. He patted the spot beside him and waited until Brian sat down. A pause followed.

“What happened?” asked Ed in a gentle voice.

Brian focussed his gaze on the TV in front of him, avoiding looking at Ed directly. “I went to work on Monday. Chatted with my co-workers, took my pill and… I remember I talked with Becca about a case. The next thing I know is, I sit in that airplane and look around. I… I…” he turned his face, looking at Ed. He had to try to keep himself together. Or at least wanted to. He was silent for a moment, then frowned.

“There was this tingling in my entire body when I woke up…”

Ed looked at him and tilted his head. “Your body tingled? Like… after your leg fell asleep?”

Brian nodded silently, watching his lover frown.

Ed didn’t say anything for a little while until he finally opened his mouth and started speaking. “I think what you are experiencing is a form of side-effect. In a way, so to speak. You should stop taking NZT.”

Brian nodded weakly. He had already reached that conclusion.

“Will you, like…” Brian hesitated. To ask the question felt bad. “…allow me to leave the FBI?”

Ed looked at him and shook his head, frowning while doing so. For a moment alone, Brian felt his heart skip. Fear and worry and… What did Ed expect him to do, then? He was only there, because of the drug!

“What do you think of me, eh?” Ed asked in a mocking voice, ripping Brian away from his angry thoughts. He blinked confusedly. What…?

“We’ll have to get you out of there. Yet, that should be doable, really.” Ed was silent for a moment, then snickered. “Mostly depends on who you are hiring to sue someone.”

Brian blinked. “You will…?”

This time, Ed only rolled his eyes and stole a fast kiss from Brian’s lips. “The FBI hired you for your immunity. When you have problems taking the drug, you can’t work for them anymore, obviously. I’ll be sad to lose my little spy, but come on.”

Rising an eyebrow, Brian looked at his lover. “Your little spy?” he asked in an annoyed tone.

As response, Ed smirked. “Yep. I mean. You didn’t find anything really interesting.”

“Hey!” Brian pouted. “I stole those NZT files for you.”

Ed just chuckled. “I had to threaten you multiple times. You tried to fake them before getting the real files. And you told Rebecca about her father taking NZT. Wouldn’t claim that as your best move.”

Well… hearing it from that perspective… Brian smiled embarrassedly but held Ed’s gaze.

“Why did you want me to work there?”

Ed looked at him for a long moment. Within that initial silence, Brian realized, that his lover wouldn’t tell him. He wondered, what else Ed was hiding from him. Yet he was grateful. His lover had changed the topic and pulled him away from his worries momentarily.

“I won’t tell you right now.” Well, he had expected that. Brian gifted his lover a small smile, wondering, what his love had intended him to do. “I want to get you out of the FBI first.” Ed smiled softly. Once again, there was something in his gaze.

Brian simply frowned, being worried. “Do you think it will be easy to end my contract with them?” He watched his lover closely. That weird expression in his eyes… Was he thinking about something?

Ed’s soft laughter caught him off guard and he blinked, looking at an amused Ed.

“It won’t be easy, but it will be simple.”

Frowning, he watched how Ed got up, only to return to him, placing his knees on either side of Brian, straddling him.

“Do you have a secret career as motivation guru?” Brian asked mockingly. “When you want to have something in your life, just do it!” Brian said in an affected voice, obviously mocking the content of his last sentence.

Ed snickered softly. “There is a truth to it, don’t you think?” But Brian never got a chance to respond. He was silenced by a pair of warm and gentle lips pressed against his own. He closed his eyes, leaning into the kiss, which grew needier. All those worries in his head… and yet, he felt strangely calm. Secure in a way, he couldn’t put into words.

Breaking their kiss, Brian leaned back a little. He felt Ed’s hand in his hair, softly caressing the head below. A moment of silence passed between them. Both lost in their own thoughts. Right now was a good moment to tell Ed about how he had felt in that airplane. How lost and insecure and tiny. He felt loved enough to not freak out. Of course, he would most likely cry, but…

Feeling, how Ed’s body pressed against him and him onto the bed below, he blinked surprised. Oh… so… 

Ed’s lips on his own once again, caught in a long kiss. Their tongues fondling each other. The need experienced sharing the kiss a moment ago was all but gone. The hand in his hair had remained in his hair, softly pulling. Ed’s other hand had traveled along his side, obviously planning on finding some naked skin. Softly moaning into their kiss, Brian raised his hands, letting them find their way to Ed’s neck, pulling him even closer. He felt Ed’s weight on his body. His lover pressed against him in all the good spots. Chest against chest, groin against groin.

No more talking? He had really wanted to…

Ed broke their kiss, moving slightly to nibble on Brian’s earlobe. Brian gasped when he felt how Ed gently bit down. That was…

…better than talking. He would never say no to morning sex. They could still talk afterward. How relaxed he would be, how…

In the meantime, Ed’s hand had succeeded to slip beneath his clothes. Brian felt, how slightly cool fingertips touched his skin, tracing circles on it. The hand wandered north, caressing his abs, Ed’s lips left his earlobe and kissed his neck. Softly, so softly…

A growling tummy ripped him back to reality. He felt, how Ed froze in his movement, then burst into laughter and rolled off of him, onto his back beside him.

Brian’s face turned incredibly red. He felt, how heat pulsed through his body. God!

“You… ehm… heard that?” he asked in a tiny voice. How embarrassing. How…

Ed propped himself up on his elbow, looking at Brian with a smug face and amusement basically dripping from his smile.

“That? Nooo…” a soft grin on his face and in his eyes. “…but I think our neighbors heard it.” He ended his sentence, still grinning.

Brian groaned and rose his hands to hide his face. God. No. Was he really that hungry? Well… he listened to his body for a moment.

Yep. He was that hungry. Still… he had really been looking forward to morning sex! Taking a glimpse through his fingers he saw the amused face of his lover. Sex was obviously off the table.

He felt how Ed moved beside him. What was he…? He felt soft lips on his abs, just above his belly button.

“Let’s get you something to eat.” Ed said lowly against his skin. Brian blinked.

“Are you… talking with my stomach?” he asked, pulling his hands from his face and looking up. Ed was sitting beside him, kissing his abs again. His lover looked up, all innocent, with a mocking expression in his eyes.

“Well, someone has to.”

Ed got up and pulled him up and into his arms. For a moment his lover held him close, arms surrounding him. Brian could hear, how Ed took a deep breath, then leaned back and smiled. That weird expression in his eyes was back again.

“Let’s finish this later, okay? First, we’ll get you a coffee and after that something to eat.”


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I am alive ;)  
> Sorry for the long wait. (Add whatever random reasons one cannot post here)  
> Whatever, I am on holidays right now. Don't have my laptop with me. Writing is a bit odd on a tablet. Hence, whatever writing errors you find: they are all mine, and I am going to fix them in the future. Whenever I can write properly again.
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading that chapter!  
> I think I'll update somewhen during the next month.

Brian watched his lover calmly. There was something odd. Odder, than them sitting in a nice little café, that was. Ed had promised him breakfast and had gotten him breakfast. Sausages and scrambled eggs and bacon and coffee. Brian could feel the still cold rays of the sun touch his skin. Yes, the day would be great. Could be. Probably. Right now though, he sipped on his coffee and watched the expression on his lover's face. Ed was somewhere far away again. He had had this weird expression on his face earlier. This... Brian just couldn't place it. That expression. It was... buggering him, in all the wrong ways. What could possibly worry Edward Morra enough to be deep in thoughts? Processing information happened kind of on the go while on NZT. Brain always working, offering whatever was thought about in cute little bits. Of course, if needed, one (drugged by NZT) could go into full-thinking-mode, concentrate every brain-cell on a certain topic, thinking through every existing possibility. Which brought back the original question. What could worry Edward Morra enough to need his full attention? To show a false expression of being here of listening wasn't hard after all. Brian frowned finally. Clearing his throat...

"Ed?"

He watched his lover carefully, saw his face change from deep in thoughts to just the right amount of surprised. Ed blinked.

"Yeah?"

Still frowning Brian gifted him a tiny smile. "A penny for your thoughts? You were far away..."

Brian could do that too, now. Use just the right amount of polite curiosity to not offend someone. Once again, a part of him wondered what else the drug had done to him. Within him. It had changed him, after all.

A second later he watched a piece of embarrassment flush over Ed's face. And gone it was. He had startled him, hadn't he? What the fuck was he thinking about?

"I..." the expression on Ed's face had changed again. He seemed to be uneasy. Like caught. "...was thinking about... you know..." Ed broke their eye contact, stared at his coffee, took a sip. In the meantime, Brian frowned. Deeper than before. What the...? Was Ed struggling with what to say? That man who could charm anyone off the top of his head? Buying time to think about what to say?

"Well, you know. If you have to quit your job you lose that flat of yours. And ah..." a tiny pause. "Would you like to move in with me?"

All thoughts of worried suspicion Brian had had prior were gone in an instant. Move in with him. His (admittedly secret) boyfriend. Lover. He... he would...

"Wouldn't Sam kill us?" ...love to. Move in with him. "Me first. Then you. Maybe never you, after all with me dead his problem is gone. Besides, you pay him."

Ed snickered amused, leaned over the small table between them and pecked his lips. Once again, Brian lost his line of thoughts. He was so used to not doing this in public, that even a small peck threw him off guard. Being kissed (pecked) by Ed where everyone could see them... awesome. That man was his! His alone!

"I could buy the apartment next door. No one would need to know." He winked and presented his best 'trust me' smile. Brian nearly fell for it. Nearly. In that moment his mind, which was still unusually sharp for him (not that he had been dumb before, but...) informed him, that Ed was watching him. Not like, oooh, what will be your answer? Giddy waiting watching, but watching him. Reading his every move.

Brian refrained from frowning and smiled carefully. He wanted to do this just right.

"That's... quite the thought. But wouldn't I moving in with you because I have to, not because I want to, be the wrong decision?"

Ed tilted his head ever so slightly. "You're basically living at my place." He pointed out calmly.

Brian smiled embarrassedly. Well... "Your bed is comfier." He mumbled, looking caught. At that moment he wondered... had he slept at Ed's during those lost days? Did Ed know that something happened to him? With him? That he was losing control? At least it felt like that.

Nonetheless, back to the current issues. His lover watching him with hawk eyes and he fidgeting with moving in, even though he would love to.

"I... eh... could get my stuff to my parents' place, live with them officially, and still sleep in your bed? Nothing different than now. And..." he paused meaningfully. "In a month or so, when it's not a 'I have to' but a 'I want to' decision, I'll move in with you?"

The broadest smile appeared on Ed's face. Like a little boy who just got his sweets. For a moment Ed seemed to want to do something. Something not fit for public. Like a long, wet kiss. With incredibly much tongue. Instead, he grabbed his hand, kissed along his fingers, and said: "I'd love that."

I'd

Love

That.

Once again, Brian's thoughts were all but gone. How could Ed do that? A chain of stupid simple characters slung into words, smashed into a sentence shattering his world. Edward Morra barely used that 'love' word. Knowing it only let to embarrassing silence between them. After all, Brian had told him repeatedly, that he loved him. Never getting an answer. Not the one he wanted, that was.

Maybe. With a little luck and effort on his side. (Much effort on his side.) He could get Ed to say it today. Or Tomorrow. This weekend. After all, they were on a kind of holidays from all the crazy stress, Brian had had. Blackouts. Losing days. He still had to tell Ed what had happened between Monday and waking up on an airplane (precisely nothing for Brian) but... right now he was looking out towards the chance of hearing 'I love you' somewhen today. Not only seeing it, but hearing it. Oh, how he would love that. He always felt a bit girlish because of that. His wish to hear it. After all, he knew that Ed loved him. Saw it in his actions and all. You know, silent man-stuff and doh. But hearing it, proclaiming it for the world to hear had an appeal of its own.

Lips sucking on his index finger brought him back to reality. He returned to his lover watching him. Now it was just watching. An amused glimmer in his lover's eyes.

"Can't have you disappear in thought-ville after you brought me back." A suggestive smirk. A tongue swirling around the tip of his finger, suddenly reminding Brian of some unfished business. Which included tongues and less clothing. Much less clothing.

He blinked his thoughts away, still flushing. Which lead to a snickering Ed. That damn...

"Do we wanna leave? I would like to show you a place." Ed smiled happily at him, nothing of his worried expression from earlier was anywhere to be seen. For a moment, once again, he wondered what his lover was hiding. Hiding so well. But then Ed signaled the waiter and paid for them.

Looking around, Brian felt like a little boy again. Brought to sweets paradise. He was in sugar heaven. The small shop Ed had ushered him into had tons of different kinds of chocolates for sale. Self-made with best ingredients, so the shop claimed. Brian threw a glance at his lover, who watched him with an amused gaze. A moment passed, in which only the two of them seemed to exist. Them looking at each other. Then reality joined back in, the voices of children pleading with their parents. Just one more chocolate! Please? Did he have to beg too? As sudden as it had appeared, he blinked the thought away. What was wrong with him today? His mind switched between thinking about sex and wondering what his lover was hiding. Very efficient.

(If not thinking about his own worries and fears was considered efficient, then yes, it was.)

He turned around, looking at the different kinds of chocolates. Dark chocolate with wasabi seemed to be to most normal flavour in here...

They spend the rest of the day walking through London, looking at tourists attractions, eating dinner in a fancy restaurant. Acting like the couple they were. Now that he had such a day, Brian realized how much he had missed that. Being able to walk beside Ed in bright daylight, holding hands. Stealing small kisses. Talking. Laughing. Simply spending time.

Back in their hotel room, Brian nibbled on one of his new chocolates. Dark chocolate covering a bunch of edible, dried flowers. Crazy stuff. He stared at a cornflower for a moment, before eating that piece. His eyes went back to Edward, who was casually getting rid of his clothes. Standing in boxers in front of him. A gentle smile passing his face. "I'll take a shower." A pause. A smirk. "You want to join me?"

Brian stared at him. That marvelous body. Naked skin. A glimmer in Ed's eyes. All his. He threw the chocolate onto the bed beside him, already forgotten, and hurriedly stripped down to nothing. Sex in the shower. In a spacious hotel room shower. He wouldn't say no to that.

Afterwards, he was wrapped in Ed's arms. In his warmth. In his scent. Skin brushing against skin. But he was too sated to get aroused. For a moment, he felt content. His face buried in the crook of his lover's neck. Inhaling his scent. One hand on his hip. It would be so easy to just fall asleep. To let the day pass. To not talk with him. To...

"When I woke up in that plane. I had the feeling that my body resisted. That it wasn't mine." His voice seemed small in the prior silence. He felt small. Vulnerable. Weak. Scared. He felt how Ed moved. Brought distance between them. Please no. Nonono. And looked at him. For a long moment. There had to have been something on his face. Showing his distress. Ed pulled him back against him, arms wrapped around him, his voice low and warm.

"Does it still feel like that?"

Brian was silent for a while. "No. But... It didn't feel like that when I had the first of those blackouts. When you were away. Back then... time was just missing."

He could hear Ed's breathing in the silence that followed. He could feel his lover stroking his back. And was grateful for it.

"I can only guess it's a sign that whatever you have gets worse."

Brian nodded weakly. "Did you ever have that? Those blackouts, I mean."

"No. Not like that. I had some when I couldn't maintain the dose, but that's to be expected." He shrugged.

Slowly, reluctantly, Brian brought a bit of distance between them. "Do you..." he gulped. He could taste fear at the back of his throat. A terrible uneasiness. "Do you know what's wrong with me?" Ed looked at him for a moment. Those gentle and warm blue eyes.

"No." Was his simple answer. The one Brian had dreaded. "You are taking the enzyme. It should protect you from every kind of side-effect NZT has. I gave it to a bunch of people over time. None ever experienced whatever you have right now."

Brian closed his eyes for a moment. Whatever he had. It shouldn't happen. Awesome. For a while he zoned out, listening to his own worst fears. Fingers gently playing with his earlobe brought him back to reality. To here and now. He looked at Ed for a long moment. His lover looked worried and... guilty? That he couldn't help him?

"Well..." Brian felt how the words slowly left his mouth. As if they didn't want to. "I don't have to worry anymore, do I? I'll stop taking NZT. It will stop." He looked at Ed.

Ed only presented a soft, loving smile. His fingers traced the outline of his ear. Ever so gently a touch. Then Brian was pulled into a kiss. Soft and loving and caring. It would be okay. He didn't have to worry. Everything would work out. Brian breathed in the surrounding silence for a moment, simply looking at Ed. Everything would work out. He leaned closer, his lips brushing against Ed's ear.

"I love you." He whispered. Hoping against all odds... but an answer never came. Only the embrace, which held him, tightened. Still, no answer using words.

* * *

On their way back to the airport, Brian chattered. And made a pause to eat some chocolate. And resumed talking. He went through various kinds, seemingly wanting to taste them all before they boarded the plane. Ed chuckled lowly at that thought, resuming listening to what Brian had to say. While he drove, one of his hands rested on Brian's knee, stroking that part of his body every now and then. He had forgotten how good it felt. To actually act like a couple.

"Oh..." his lover suddenly exclaimed. Ed threw him half a gaze, letting his eyes slip from the road to see his lover eyeing a chocolate. Wasn't that his favorite kind of... While his brain counted one and one together, Brian had ripped open the cover and popped a piece into his mouth, seemingly enjoying it. And grew silent. A moment passed. Brian simply stared at the chocolate, then resumed eating it until each and every piece was gone.

"You mixed NZT into the chocolate?" Ed asked into the silence, not sounding the least surprised.

Brian looked up, a soft glimmer in his eyes. The glimmer, which came with NZT. And something else. A calm and calculating side. Brian Finch, the gentle and caring man, was all but gone.

"Yeah, figured he would eat it." After all, it was his favorite kind of chocolate.

"You didn't tell him." Brian, the other Brian, stated. Calm and curious.

Ed only snorted. "We had a deal. I tend to keep my part of it."

Brian nodded calmly, then raised his gaze while the memories of the prior days flooded into his mind. "I have to admit... You seemed happy. Why did you...?"

Ed threw him a gaze, calm. Oh, so calm. "And you can recall I was often away in thoughts. Thought about my future, after all. Our future." He hesitated for a moment, very well aware of the fact, that Brian was watching him. Reading his every move. "He deserved one last good day, don't you think?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to ask: did you see that coming?


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am back :D
> 
> I'll try to update every one or two weeks from now on. Get back to my old schedule :)

A glimmer appeared in Brian's eyes. Amusement. Pure amusement. Ed threw a glance towards the street, partly concentrating on driving again while his hand continued to casually stroke along Brian's leg. His gaze returned to Brian, watching him.

"How long do you have?" he asked casually, waiting for a response.

Brian simply shrugged. "Eight hours, I guess. It's enough time to get back into the US."

Ed 'hmm'd for a moment, smiling afterward. "That's how you kept him drugged until he was on that airplane, didn't you? Split the pill."

A soft chuckle was all he needed as an answer. "You scared him to death, you know? When I picked him up he was as white as a sheet." Ed chuckled darkly, thinking back to that moment which happened merely a day ago. Brian joined his chuckling.

"I took you by your word. You wanted him back by Saturday. Guess I timed that well enough."

Watching the road for a moment, his eyes fixed on the car before them. Fifty meters between the cars… Ed moved his hand from Brian's leg, pulled his lover close and kissed him hungrily, counting the seconds he could afford to not look at the street in the meantime. Bringing a bit of distance between them he glanced at the street. Just a fast flicker, he adjusted the car's speed and looked back at Brian.

"Thanks." He breathed gently against his lover's lips. He felt Brian's gaze on him. Calm and… expecting. For a moment he enjoyed their closeness, before he broke away, focusing his attention on driving once more.

"We are nearly at the airport. Gonna drop you off, drop the car off and check-in for the flight." He steered the wheel gently, watching Brian from the corner of his eyes while acting as if he completely concentrated on driving.

"I have a business-class ticket. As far as I know, you don't. After all, I paid the flight." He chuckled softly. "As soon as we are back in the US…" he stopped talking, simply glanced at Brian. "Where do we want to meet?"

Brian looked at him for a long moment, obviously acting as if he thought about the answer. As if he didn't already know what he wanted to say. He had had enough time to think all of this a thousand times through. Just like he himself.

"At the hotel." Brian finally answered. The hotel. Wise choice. Avoided going to any of their places. Avoided choosing a side. Ed simply nodded, bringing the car to a stop and leaning close to steal a fast kiss from Brian. Breaking away he pulled a single plastic-bag-covered NZT pill from a hidden pocket in his jacket, handing it to his lover.

"Should get you through check-in, customs and all." And, most importantly, getting what he had wanted of Brian to get for him. A deal was a deal, wasn't it?

Brian nodded absentmindedly, swallowing the pill without a word. Twenty hours, time ticking from now.

They looked at each other for a long moment. Seemingly trying to figure out who would betray whom. Ed broke the silence. "See you in around 15 hours, hm? Usual rooms?" Brian nodded as a response. "Good. Have a good flight, Brian. Now, out with you!" He laughed softly while watching Brian leave the car, saying his meaningless goodbyes in return. Standing outside the car, his lover looked at him for a long moment. A silent threat. If you don't turn up… then he hid his true emotions behind a gentle, caring smile and headed towards the terminal doors.

Ed watched him until he was gone from sight. He sighed softly and closed his eyes. 15 hours. Well, he would make do with what he had. Getting the car to move again he placed it in the drop-off parking area, pulled the key from the ignition and headed towards the little store where he had rented the car. Some minutes later he had the key dropped off and was on his way to his own check-in.

* * *

Edward Morra checked his watch while he was leaving the airport. 12:30 pm. He had made a good time. Entering the United States always was a bit of a hassle. Three hours left. Roundabout. He knew the time was too little. Too short for what he had to get. Yet, that was the game they were playing. Brian would have the same problem. Except, if he had stored what he had to bring along at the airport. There were lockers you could pay for several days… yet, storing it in a public space was a security issue. An issue Brian would most likely not take.

Four hours later Ed finally made it to his hotel room. Opening his door, he slipped into the room, closing the door immediately. Brian was already here. Still here. Depended on the perspective. Yet, he had no other choice, hadn't he? Just like he had no other choice. Finally, entering the room he gifted a sly smile to Brian. His lover lay sprawled out on his bed, watching the corridor leading towards the door. Brian returned his smile, watching him with hawk-eyes again.

"Thought you wouldn't come." He stated calmly, his eyes watchful of every reaction he might give. Ed only kept smiling, forcing his body to not do anything else. Well. Except breathing, but even breathing could betray you.

"Oh, come on. Since when are you here? Ten minutes?" He retorted, still smiling his sly smile. It seemed to have been the right reaction. It made Brian snicker and lift his gaze.

"Five more." Brian stated while watching the ceiling. A long moment passed until Brian got up, grabbed his backpack and offered him an SSD.

Ed stared at him for a mere moment. One moment too long, he knew. Brian, standing there beside the bed, his arm stretched out, the hard drive in hand. Grabbing the hard drive he flopped himself onto the bed, watching Brian do the same. His lover's eyes were calm, calculating and watchful again. He turned the SSD in his hand, looking at it curiously.

"Mind if I take a look?"

Brian shook his head a silent no. "I didn't look at it like you asked me to."

Of course, he didn't. He knew Ed would find that out rather earlier than later. He knew what was at stake. Yet, again...

Ed grabbed his own bag, grabbed his laptop and a transparent bag, filled with small, transparent pills. Throwing the later towards Brian, he opened and booted his laptop. Moments later he had the SSD connected and looked at its content. All the while watching Brian from the corner of an eye. His lover looked at the bag filled with NZT pills for a moment, then his gaze went back to Ed, watching him. Watch his eyes flicker over the screen. Some moments more passed, Ed navigating through the data he had asked Brian to steal from the FBI. The most important things seemed to be there. He could check the rest later on. Closing the laptop, he closed his eyes for a moment. Breathing out. In the same moment, his head scolded him. He shouldn't have done that. Yet... he smirked softly, opening his eyes again and watched Brian swallow a pill, closing his eyes and smiling content on his own.

That meant... that they could let their guard down, couldn't they?

Or was it luring the other one into a false feeling of security?

Closing his eyes again he took on his own worries. Could he trust his lover? What was the worst he could do? Kill him, obviously. Doing that wouldn't get him anywhere though. It would only...

The feeling of Brian straddling him ripped him out of his thoughts. His heart skipped a treacherous beat. Stupid body. He should have felt him moving. Brian's lips pressing against his weren't such a surprise. He had expected that. And he relished the moment, deepened the kiss and pulled his lover closer. One hand in his hair, the other on his back. For a moment he contemplated making out but discarded the thought as too risky as of now. Breaking the kiss, he brought a little distance between them, gently stroking along Brian's face with his fingertips. Brian looked down at him. The watchfulness was gone from his eyes. Only love and caring and... an immense piece of curiosity. He would go with the false feeling of security. Best bet. He could work from there.

Brian sat up a little, allowing him to adjust his position. A moment passed until Brian finally spoke. Asked the question he had to ask. "Well... why am I here? Why choose me? You could've ripped every piece of food from his hands and hope I didn't mix NZT into something else."

Ed looked at him. Yeah. Why didn't he? Why hadn't he just told Brian, what was going on? He sighed softly, smiling sadly in the meantime.

"He wouldn't understand." He paused, watched Brian carefully, but refrained from watching him. "He and his morals. You know about those. The reason you are here after all." Ed chuckled softly. As if to mock Brian. The other one, not the one sitting in front of him.

"There are things which need to be done. Things he wouldn't... well..." He hesitated a second, considering... "approve of, that's the word. You remember how he looked at me when I told him I killed some people a year ago? Of course, you do. He doesn't understand why some things are necessary. He lacks the foresight needed to understand the big picture. Back then, when he learned about Becca's father taking NZT, you did everything in your power to keep him from telling her. You knew what I would do to you after all. And what did he do? Run and tell her." Ed snorted. A grim and annoyed expression on his face.

Brian snickered softly. "Lucky me you didn't kill us, hu?"

Ed burst into laughter. It felt right to laugh at this point. He pecked his lover's lips a moment later.

"Lucky me I didn't kill him." He whispered against Brian's lips. Eyes half closed. He leaned back again, looking at his lover. They looked at each other for a long moment, until Ed broke their gaze. Looking down.

"I couldn't do what needs to be done with him at my side. He wouldn't be... well... capable of handling what kind of person I am?" He watched Brian again, calm and sad, in a way. His lover only tilted his head.

"What makes you sure I can handle who you really are?"

Ed only smiled. Gifting a loving and gentle smile. "James told me how you treated him. My little threatening consultant. You turned on Becca, dug into her life and sent me the files. You hid those weeks from Brian."

Brian watched him intensely in the meantime. Slowly moving back- and forward. Very well aware what he did to him, based on his position on his lap.

"What makes you so sure I will not betray you? That it isn't a long-planned plot by Becca and me to bring you down?"

Edward Morra only smirked. He felt his arousal. Moving his hand he placed it at Brian's throat. Feeling his lover's heartbeat. Calm and steady. Fitting his calculating and challenging words.

"Because I love you". The beat below his fingers skipped and accelerated. The superior expression was gone from Brian's face. You could have all the self-control in the world with NZT. The body always betrayed the mind. A second later he felt, how Brian crushed his lips against his own. A mad-happy-hungry kiss.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is basically a multi-chapter. Two parts in one. I just didn't want to break them up, because they belong together. Happy reading :)

Ed stirred the moment he felt movement. Brian, who had slept in his arms, had woken up and carefully slipped out of his embrace. For a moment Ed simply lay there. Eyes closed. Thought about going back to sleep. He had some minutes left before he had to get up. Yet, he opened his eyes and watched Brian sitting on the edge of the bed, swallowing a little wonderous pill. A moment later his lover turned around, snuggling back under the covers and against his body. Wrapping his arms around his lover, Ed sighed content. Feeling Brian's body against his own was reassuring in a way he would never admit to anyone. Probably not even to his lover. Some things were too embarrassing to speak them out loud.

"I woke you?" Brian moved in his arms, looking up at him.

"You moving is always a distraction." Ed retorted smugly, earning a snort as a response.

"You shouldn't be able to do anything at all if that would be true." Brian commented dryly.

"Who says I do anything at all?" he asked cocky, barely hiding a grin.

Brian kept his face calm for a few heartbeats, then a huge grin spread across his face and he started laughing. Hiding his face against Ed's chest he shook his head. Ed, in the meantime, smirked and held his lover, stroking him gently for a while. He felt how Brian calmed down. How his breath got calmer, steadier until he was breathing normally again. A little while of silence passed between them, until Brian rose his voice, barely above a whisper: "Can you say it again?"

Ed felt an inhuman need to laugh out loud. Even on NZT Brian was... still Brian. Some traits never left. Although the tiny voice in the back of his head reminded him of the fact that Brian could easily fake his personality. Nothing simpler than that. Despite his wants and thoughts, Ed rose an eyebrow, a challenging glimmer in his eyes.

"Say what?" He asked, all innocent.

"You know what." Brian stated, dangerously calm. That was true. He knew what his love asked of him. For a moment he considered... pulling his love closer, he moved his lips along his jaw and played with his earlobe. "I love you." He whispered. He could feel how Brian's body relaxed. Barely a change, but it was there. And again, that tiny voice in the back of his head raised the question, whether he had felt Brian's body betraying him or what Brian had wanted him to feel. "I love you too." Brian whispered into his ear. He could feel a shiver run along his skin. Those stupid three words, which meant that much to him.

"I didn't expect to wake up again." Brian stated factly.

Ed brought a little distance between them, looking at Brian, frowning. Cupping his lover's face, Ed smiled sadly. "Maybe, one day, you trust me."

A smile darted along Brian's face before he lowered his gaze. "I should trust you. I love you, I know that, but..." Looking up, a grim expression found its way into his eyes. Yes. But.

"Love doesn't mean unconditional trust." Ed stated softly.

"Shouldn't it?" Brian asked back. "I know you told me the reasons why me. Why not him. That he wouldn't understand, which I assume to be true, but..." Brian stopped talking for a moment. For a tiny second Ed could see fear rush through his eyes. Fear. Of all emotions fear. "I still think… I mean… he can simply take everything away from me, can he? Not take NZT anymore. Lock me up. What if I don't wake up in time tomorrow? What if someone steals my pills? What if –" Ed silenced his lover with a quick kiss.

"Don't think what if. Thinking through possible actions is part of NZT. Run and dance with your fearful thoughts is another. They'll drive you mad in time if you listen."

Brian smiled a sad half-smile at him. Ed knew there were so many unspoken what-ifs left. What if he betrayed him? What if he had done something with the NZT pills? Maybe, kinda, watered them down. Screwed the formula up. Changed the duration so he missed the time to take a new one.

"Can't I get rid of him? Just… I don't know. Wipe him out?" The hope in Brian's eyes was nearly daring. He was afraid.

"You shouldn't. Who you are is based on your experiences, your wishes, your stupid morals, tiny part by your genes. If you wipe him out you could wipe yourself out along the way. Or create more personalities to fill the gaps. You shouldn't tinker with something as fragile as a mind." Ed paused. "Well. Not that I haven't done that. Manipulating people can be so much fun." Blinking a memory away, he smiled absentmindedly. "However. It's your mind. You already broke free of him. Lock him away if you can, but don't destroy your own foundations."

Brian was silent for a little while. Then he moved to be able to look into Ed's eyes. "Did you ever… like… had to fight yourself?"

Ed shook his head. "I remember who I was. I think your old you would have liked me, in a way. We had much alike. No work, no perspective." Ed chuckled amused, Brian frowning.

"Didn't your old you write a book?" The dark fields or something. Ed only chuckled.

"I had that contract since ages. Had to finally hand in some pages. I swear, I didn't even write a sentence until I swallowed that tiny transparent pill."

"I have to admit, that the idea stuck with me and I was able to finish the book." Ed was silent for a moment, thinking about something long gone. "I never resisted the change. Just went along with it. I like who I am now."

Brian chuckled lowly. A moment later, Ed felt warm lips on his own, not resisting when Brian deepened the kiss.

Afterward, Brian snuggled against his chest again. "I like who you are too." He stated amused. Ed only snorted. "What can't you like about me?" He felt how Brian tensed in silent laughter and smiled softly. He actually could get used to this. Waking up with that man by his side.

Brian started to stroke along his chest, gently caressing his skin with his fingertips. After some minutes his lover settled on playing with his nipple. His finger gently circling that tiny piece of flesh. "Should I go to work today?" Brian asked after a while.

"If you want to. I assume you didn't tell anyone that you want to quit."

Brian chuckled softly. "Hell no. I kind of like to work for them."

"Well, then that's settled." Ed pulled Brian up, catching his lips in a passionate kiss. His lover never stopped to tease his nipple. How he… "Now excuse me, I'll take a shower."

Brian chuckled lowly. "I could join you."

"We would need too long if you do." Ed stated calmly, disentangling himself from Brian. His lover only smirked, a glimmer in his eyes. "I can be really fast." He stated, giving his chest a suggestive lick. Ed only snorted, succeeding in getting away from his lover and out of bed.

"Go screw yourself, Brian."

He heard Brian chuckle. "Have you done that? Screw yourself I mean. Should be possible on NZT. Your imagination tends to run wild after all."

Ed, having reached the bathroom of the hotel, stopped at the door and looked at his lover, a tiny smirk on his lips. "I would strongly advise you to talk with a doctor, sweetie. I mean, I know I am narcissistic, but I haven't imagined to fuck myself."

While his lover burst into laughter, Ed entered the bathroom. A tiny smile on his lips.

* * *

Some hours later, after a quite annoying meeting, Ed entered his apartment. Walking into his living room he met the gaze of two NZT-selves of his own. Both sitting in different armchairs of his, obviously not wanting to get close to one another. One of them was how he looked now. More or less, just wearing more comfortable clothing. The other one, to his own horror, was his ex-wife. Most likely expectable – after all she had been the voice of reason in his life for a very long time of his life. Funny, how things changed, yet terrible that his mind still used her image.

"So, what's the plan?" asked Ed number 2.

"He doesn't have a plan. He never has a plan." Stated his ex-wife nonchalant. Why had he loved her again?

"You know that's wrong." said Ed, pulling off his jacket while he sat down on his couch, eyeing both his... well... imaginations of his head.

His ex-wife simply rolled her eyes, watching him calmly. Ed number 2 tilted his head, watching him carefully too. To say he felt stared at seemed to be an understatement.

Ed took a deep breath, facing both of them. "We stick to the plan." He looked at himself. "You do research." His gaze went towards his ex-wife and rested on her. "And you go back to where ever you came from."

She smirked amused, returning his challenging gaze. "You know why I am here. Don't fool yourself. I am an aspect of your worries, after all." Wasn't NZT wonderful? Giving faces to things you really didn't want to think about. Yet, it was hard to ignore them. "You should keep him." His ex-wife stated. "It would be stupid to let him go. Makes things so much worse. Creates hassle when we don't need any."

She got up, walking towards him and stopped in front of him, forcing him to look up at her. "He wouldn't understand and you know that. We cannot endanger the plan. NZT-Brian could help us. No. He will help us if we tell him. In time, as soon as he trusts us, he will do everything we ask of him. Normal-Brian... you can't even tell him. He is..." She narrowed her eyes, looking down at him darkly. No. He couldn't tell normal Brian, that much was obvious. He would freak out, at best. At worst, he would go and tell his lovely FBI friends. And he couldn't let that happen. Never. Which meant he had to...

"In the end" Ed number 2 had gotten up, interrupting his thoughts, saving him from things he really didn't want to think about. "the only question that matters is 'What do you want?'"

Closing his eyes, he banned the two manifestations of his mind away. When he opened his eyes again, he was alone. Getting up, he walked through the empty room, stopping in front of his panorama window. Staring out at the city, he frowned. What did he want?

* * *

xxx

* * *

Ed snapped out of his thoughts the moment his phone vibrated. For a moment he felt startled, like being woken from a dream he really didn't want to wake up from. Picking up his phone, he saw a new message from Brian, asking if he wanted to pick him up after work.

"Yeah. Where?" was his answer while he got up from his desk, locking the files he had looked at away.

"Like last time? I'll get something to eat along the way. What do you want?" Ed tilted his head while leaving his home office. Takeaway food? That would be cold by the time they got here. Friday afternoon the traffic jam in this city was even worse than any other day. Not that you could get fast to anywhere on other days. It just got even worse.

He texted his lover his thoughts about the takeaway food – traffic jam situation while entering his bath. He had planned to take a shower somewhen later, but if he wanted to pick up Brian in time he had to go soon.

Once again, his phone vibrated: "We'll heat it up. Wanna have some food from this Asian. Really delicious… what do you want?"

Asian food? Groaning lowly, he shook his head. They had sushi, Indian and something with octopus this week already. He had actually looked forward to something 'normal'. Like a pizza. Or a salad in his case. Looking down at the message he sighed lowly. Why not, nonetheless.

"Miso soup and something of your choice. You know what I eat." Was his answer.

The response came nearly instant: "Lazy …"

Seeing the dots Ed smirked. Yeah. He was a lazy ass, wasn't he? Part of him wondered why he continuously exchanged insults with his lover. In a way, it was their way to mock each other. And then again it was nothing else than a bitch-fight. Test out, who of them was the stronger one in their relationship. Prior, that had been obvious. With NZT-Brian the odds were a little bit different. His lover had to see how far he could go. Putting his phone away, Ed stripped from his clothes and entered his shower.

Feeling the warm water hit his skin, Ed relaxed, starting to hum lowly to a music only he could hear.

He got lost in his thoughts while shampooing his hair. Foam running into his eyes. And in that second, the moment he just stood there, humming to non-existent music, his eyes closed, not able to see something because of the foam if he had to open them, he felt how he was watched. The feeling of being watched was so strong, so unexpected, that his heart skipped a beat. He could feel how a cold chill ran along his spine, goosebumps following suit. He ducked below the water stream, not feeling its warmth anymore. All his senses were on alert. Ready to fight whoever... succeeding in rinsing his eyes, his hand touched the glass wall separating the shower from the remaining bath, wiping the steam away.

What he saw startled him even more. He felt his goosebumps, his thrumming heart, his body ready to defend itself. And all he saw was an empty room. For a moment he stood there, watching his own hand on the glass, the room he could see. He turned around, turning off the shower and opened the sliding door, peering into his own bathroom. There was no one. He was alone. And yet his body told him, with absolute certainty, that he had been watched. He remained standing there for a few moments, fighting down the feeling of... well, it wasn't anxiety. He was more worried. And confused. Shaking his head, he took a step back into the shower, closing the door and resumed to clean himself.

A few minutes later he entered his wardrobe, throwing a gaze over his shoulder. Only his bed, the images from his family and his friend. An empty room. Still… Ed sighed silently, forcing his gaze onto clothes. He was alone. No one was there. (Then, why was he sure he had been watched?) Sighing once again, he picked a shirt. Stress. Probably stress. Even though he knew that was a lie.

* * *

Brian checked his watch for the hundredth time in the last few minutes. That stupid meeting just went on for ages. It had been meant as a short briefing on a case they were possibly going to look into. Now they were going to investigate the case and got the entire boring back-story of the murder victim. What did he care for... he blinked when he realized all faces in the room looked at him. Was he meant to say something? He relived his memory of the last few minutes within a few seconds, actually paying attention to what the guy told them. Staring back at all those faces he finally answered the question: "I would look into his ex-girlfriend."

Becca frowned. "She has an alibi, Brian." she wore that funny little frown on her face. Nope, he hadn't paid attention and yes, she was annoyed by that fact, but that wasn't a problem really. Both of these things.

"The poor guy was stabbed around thirty times, the second of those deadly. That much rage usually points to relationship-killers." Was that a pun? "The alibi she has is gracefully supplied by her best friend. Smells a bit fishy to me. And last but not least, that same ex-girlfriend had loaned quite an amount of money from him, which he wanted to have back. Being threatened to lose your way of life... people have murdered for less."

Silence gripped the room after he finished. Great. Were they going to stare him into boredom now? After a few moments, the guy who had talked for most of the time started to do just that again. With half an ear Brian paid attention, thinking about how he should get their takeaway dinner and still be in time at their meeting place. Stupid meeting.

Some eternal five minutes later, he could finally leave the room. Hurrying down into his office, he grabbed his backpack, planning to immediately disappear into thin air. Until Becca entered his room, locking the door while doing so. He faced her calmly, waiting to be scolded for not paying attention. She didn't do that though. Just stood there and looked at him.

"What?" He finally asked annoyed.

"Brian, I..." he watched fascinated, how insecurity flashed over her face, hidden in an instant. "That was disrespectful." Ah, there it was, the scolding. Tuning her out, he watched her lips move.

"You act weird, Brian." He suppressed a blink, while he regarded her with some attention. He? Weird?

"What do you mean?" He asked back gently.

"You are..." She hesitated. "Like... I don't know..."

Brian tilted his head ever so gently. "Maybe we should talk if you know." A moment passed between them. "Well, I'll go. See you on Monday?" With that, he went past her, unlocked the door and left.

Becca looked after him, a worried frown on her face. He had been like that all week. Aggressive somehow. And disrespectful. To the later, she was used to some extent. Brian on NZT was always a bit edgy but never like that.

* * *

Brian thoughtfully nibbled on his sushi, watching Ed eating his miso soup. He had picked him up, mocked him a bit for being late. Nothing out of the ordinary. They had, like always, fooled around on the elevator. The moment Ed had opened his apartment door, he had hesitated though. For a split second, he hadn't moved at all, just stared into his living room. Then he had simply resumed. Like a play-button pressed. He had taken Brians jacket off of him, pecked him gently and disappeared to change out of his motorbike clothes into something more comfortable.

Currently, they were focused on eating, dismissing conversation all the way. Good food had to be valued. (And damn, that sushi was awesome.) Yet, Brian kept an eye on his lover. His gaze flickered every now and then. As if he looked at something... but there was nothing. They were alone. After his lover's eyes moved to look at something where nothing was, Brian finally raised his voice.

"Is everything okay?" He asked with a worried voice.

Ed's eyes flickered to him, watching him for a moment. "Yeah. Just stressed out I guess."

His lover reached for the veggie ramen Brian had gotten him and resumed eating, dismissing the question. Brian suppressed the urge to blink. That had been a straight-out lie. Not even Ed believed what he had said. Obviously, though, he wouldn't say anything else on that topic. For a moment he watched Ed, then he took a dive into thought-ville, while at least acting as if he was here and paid attention.

He knew Ed hid things from him. Even his old stupid self had known that. Currently, though, he wasn't sure he could trust him. He wanted to, but he couldn't. His senses ruled out that possibility. Ed had been... odd, ever since he ate that NZT-chocolate to get rid of normal Brian. He had been too sweet, too lovely and too dodgy. Hell, they hadn't had sex ever since. Normally, one thing would lead to another, but Ed had always presented a reasonable excuse. No time here, whatever there, he had to be at that meeting, he was too tired. All of those had been reasonable, but they were still what they were. Excuses. That weird behavior now. Something was wrong and he didn't like it.

He snapped back to full attention the moment Ed stole the sushi from him he had just planned to eat. Brian stared at him for a few seconds, before he growled darkly.

"You sushi thief!" he exclaimed in a low voice, while his lover just smiled mischievously.

"It actually is quite good." Quite good? Quite Good?! That had to be – he watched stunned how Ed stole the second piece of his food.

"Stop that." He growled. Never fool with his food! Never!

Ed only smirked. "Make me."

Well, he wouldn't let that guy tell him twice. He was on his feet an instant later, surrounding the table, while Ed got up and moved in the opposite direction, keeping the table between them.

"Coward." Brian stated while circling around, never getting closer to his lover, who did the same.

"Oh, really? Would a coward do" with that Ed snapped another piece of his sushi, earning a low growl from Brian, who took the few seconds Ed spent on eating to move around and catch him. He ended cornering Ed against his panorama window, finally closing in on him and pressing him against the glass, trapping him between his arms, pinning his wrists over his head. He... he...

For a moment he remained angry at his lover. That that insufferable idiot had stolen his food. Then he actually looked at his lover. In his eyes glimmered amusement and love and... joy. Seeing those emotions that clear, that open... his anger evaporated. Playful banter. Nothing else. Closing the distance between them, he pressed his lips against Ed's, sighing content when his lover deepened the kiss. Letting go of Ed's wrists, his hands slipped to his lover's sides, caressing him. Ed's hands found their place on his ass, pressing their groins together. While Brian lost himself in a second kiss, actually intending to make out with his lover pressed against a window, a tiny voice popped into the back of his head, making him aware of what had just happened.

Ed had ripped him away from thinking. He had ripped him away from paying attention. He had him, completely and utterly, wrapped around his little finger.

Breaking their kiss, Brian brought a little distance between them.

"Netflix?"

He saw something like disappointment flash through his lover's eyes. "Damn. No sex because of Netflix." Ed muttered darkly, not moving his hands from Brian's ass.

Brian only chuckled. "I want to eat what is left of my sushi. We'll need a pause after that anyway." He had to think, actually. He had to consider what he knew. And what he thought he knew. Playfully getting rid of Ed's hands (even though he really liked their current location), he turned, grabbed his sushi plate and let himself drop onto Ed's couch.

* * *

Ed leaned against Brian's shoulder, staring at the TV screen while not paying attention to it.

His ex-wife leaned against the wall beside the TV, watching them calmly.

"He doesn't trust you. I wouldn't too if I were him." She stated calmly. No, really. That much was obvious.

"If you want his trust." Which he needed, if only for "then you have to tell him something." He knew that too. Yet... yet...

His ex groaned darkly, getting closer to them. "For gods sake! Just -" he closed his eyes, making her be gone. He didn't want to hear the rest of that sentence.

"Back then, when I killed all those people." He was still leaning against Brian's shoulder, not entirely sure if his lover really wanted to see whatever was on screen. If he wanted to listen to him. "They were scientists of mine. There was an accident with one of the experimental runs of a new NZT version. The test-mice went nuts." And on he went, telling Brian what had happened on that fateful day.

After he was done talking, silence embraced them. Brian still stared at the TV, obviously not watching. After a few minutes, he moved. Getting up from the couch and straddling Ed. He placed his arms on either side of him, looking at him.

"Whatever it takes." He stated, calm and certain.

He trusted him. Brian trusted him. She had been right. Like always. It broke his heart.

"Whatever it takes." He responded, hugging his lover and pulling him against his chest. He wanted to... he wanted...

* * *

Snapping out of his dream, Ed looked around. Brian rested beside him, his naked body curled around his own. Carefully, he slipped away and out of bed. Walking into his bathroom, he locked the door, turned on the light. Ed number 2 was leaning against the wall, watching him curiously. Ed ignored him for a moment, opening his cabinet and pulling a small vial from within.

"You sure that it'll work?" He asked his alter-ego. Ed number 2 only shrugged. Was he sure? Well... 99 percent was a good start, but he wasn't sure, no.

Five minutes later he re-entered his bedroom, watching his sleeping lover for a long moment. God, how much he loved him. He hadn't lied after all. Never. Not to him. Normal-Brian wouldn't understand. He could never understand. He and his stupid morals. He would always remain a liability. To him. To the plan. To everything worth something in his life. He had told NZT-Brian about the mice. Those stupid tiny long-dead mice. His worst secret, so to speak. The reason he had killed all those people a year ago. The reason...

Shaking his head, he sighed. He could still toss the vial away. Let it never have been. He felt, how tears ran along his cheeks. Yeah. He should do that. Throw the vial away. Go back to bed. Act like nothing ever happened. Don't break his own heart. It was the sane thing, wasn't it? The logical thing. The thing he should do. The thing he had to do. The thing he couldn't do. More tears fell from his eyes. When was the last time he had cried? He knew, who he loved. He knew he loved that man. His snarky comments, his wit, his ignorance. His challenging mind. His will to turn down walls for him, burn down cities. But what could he do against his heart?

He loved the gentle, funny, naive, small-minded, moral-bound, oblivious man more. The man who kept him human. The man he couldn't tell and show who he was. Who he really was. He would run, he knew that. He feared that. But Brian didn't need to know who he really was. He could go with the version of himself this Brian knew. He could live with never telling him about the mice.

While his heart broke, he snuggled back into bed, embracing his lover. He held him for a long while, still fighting his thoughts. His worries. He felt the vial, clutched in his hand. It was time. Else Brian would wake up for his NZT pill. If he didn't do it today, he would never. Moving slowly, he looked at the peaceful face of Brian. Yes. It was time. Moving a little, he opened the vial, slowly bending down to kiss his lover (this version of his lover) one last time. In the meantime, he tilted the vial a little. Just... just... breaking their kiss, he let the liquid drip onto Brian's lips, watching how it disappeared them.


End file.
